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. . . SARCASM see "COMMUNICATION" for related links see "HURTING (SOMEONE)" for related links Sarcasm is the means by which we hide our hurt feelings from ourselves. --Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961) Swiss psychologist. Edged tools are dangerous things to handle, and not infrequently do much hurt. --Agnes Repplier (1855-1950) American author. - Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. --Washington Post Style Invitational ----- facetious (adj.) [fê-'see-shês] Humorous or meant to be humorous but actually mildly sarcastic or slightly inappropriate. mordant MOR-d'nt, adjective: Biting; caustic; sarcastic. Ex.: Justice Moorcroft's forte, a part which he had played for so many years that it had become instinctive, was a courteous reasonableness occasionally enlivened with shafts of mordant wit. --P. D. James, _A Certain Justice_  ;void(0)) SATIRE . . see "LANGUAGE" for related links The finest satire is that in which ridicule is combined with so little malice and so much conviction that it even rouses laughter in those who are hit. --Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742—1799) German scientist and drama critic. Satire should, like a polished razor keen, Wound with a touch that's scarcely felt or seen. --Lady Mary Wortley Montagu [née Pierrepont] (1689—1762) English writer. _To the Imitator of the First Satire of Horace_ [c.1734], bk. II Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own. --Jonathan Swift (1667—1745) Anglo-Irish poet and satirist. _The Battle of the Books_ [1704] The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself. --James Thurber (1894—1961) American humorist and cartoonist. In Loyal Jones & Billy Edd Wheeler _Hometown Humor_, p. 13 [1999]. ----- pasquinade (noun) A satirical poem, song, or story about someone in particular that has been posted in a public place is a pasquinade, and to post such a lampoon is to pasquinade the person who is being satirized. . . see "HAPPINESS" for related links If things do not turn out as we wish, we should wish for them as they turn out. --Aristotle (384—322 B.C.) Greek philosopher. In _The Forbes Book of Business Quotations_. No utopia can ever give satisfaction to everyone, all the time. As their material conditions improve, men raise their sights and become discontented with power and possessions that once would have seemed beyond their wildest dreams. And even when the external world has granted all it can, there still remain the searchings of the mind and the longings of the heart. --Sir Arthur C. Clarke (1917—2008) English science-fiction writer. _Childhood's End_ [1953], pt. II "The Golden Age," ch. 8 The better part of happiness is to wish to be what you are. --Desiderius Erasmus (1469—1536) Dutch humanist and theologian. _The Praise of Folly_ [c.1511] Even his griefs are a joy long after to one that remembers all that he wrought and endured. --Homer (c. 850? BC) Greek epic poet. _The Odyssey_, Bk. XV The populace may hiss me, but when I go home and think of my money I applaud myself. --Horace [Quintus Horatius Flaccus] (65—8 BC) Roman poet. _Epistles_, i, c. 25 B.C. A man who finds no satisfaction in himself seeks for it in vain elsewhere. --François de La Rochefoucauld (1613—1680) French classical author. Ambition is so powerful a passion in the human breast, that however high we reach we are never satisfied. --Niccolò Machiavelli (1469—1527) Florentine statesman and political philosopher. Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It is not a day when you lounge around doing nothing: it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it. --Margaret Thatcher (1925— ) British conservative stateswoman and Prime Minister [1979—1990]. ----- copacetic koh-puh-SET-ik, adjective: Very satisfactory; fine. slake SLAYK, transitive verb: 1. To satisfy; to quench; to extinguish; as, to slake thirst. 2. To cause to lessen; to make less active or intense; to moderate; as, slaking his anger. intransitive verb: To become slaked; to crumble or disintegrate, as lime. . . Ah well, perhaps one has to be very old before one learns how to be amused rather than shocked. --Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973) American author noted for her novels of life in China; winner of the 1938 Nobel Prize for Literature. _China, Past and Present_ [1972], ch. 6 Baseball is something more than a game to an American boy, it is his training field for life work. Destroy his faith in the squareness and honesty and you have destroyed something more; you have planted suspicion of all things in his heart. --Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis (1866-1944) First commissioner of Major League baseball. As recounted in "Smithsonian" [October 2000]. ----- muckrake (intransitive verb) (past and past participle muck·raked, present participle muck·rak·ing, 3rd person present singular muck·rakes) Expose scandal: to seek out and publicize misconduct by prominent people. noun (plural muck·rakes) Rake for manure: a rake used to spread manure or compost . . see "KNOWLEDGE" for related links All of your scholarship, all your study of Shakespeare and Wordsworth would be vain if at the same time you did not build your character and attain mastery over your thoughts and your actions. --Mohandas K. Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian statesman and leader of the nationalistic movement against British rule. The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr. --Muhammad (A.D. 570?-632) Prophet to whom the religion of Islam was revealed. . . see "KNOWLEDGE" for related links In 1940, teachers were asked what they regarded as the three major problems in American schools. They identified the three major problems as: Littering, noise, and chewing gum. Teachers last year [1992] were asked what the three major problems in American schools were, and they defined them as: Rape, assault, and suicide. --William J. Bennett (1943— ) American poiltician and author. I won't say our school was tough, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. --Lenny Bruce [Leonard Alfred Schneider] (1925—1966) American comedian. - "I Trust You'll Treat Her Well" by Victor Buono (1938—1982) American actor Dear World: I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes....and a happy laugh that ripples all day long..and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sun when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well. She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning...and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse. Now she'll learn to stand in lines...and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells ...and deadlines...and she'll learn to giggle..and gossip...and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside. And now she'll learn how not to cry. No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things..like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friends is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls. And now she'll find new heroes. For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and mother and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers..which is only right. But no longer will I be the smartest woman in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time...she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group..with all its privileges and its disadvantages too. She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud...or kiss dogs..or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms..or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer. Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman. So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl...in a crispy dress...with two brown eyes...and a flash of light brown hair that bounces in the sunlight when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well. & see: "Wee Hughie" by Elizabeth Shane He's gone to school, Wee Hughie, An' him not four. Sure I saw the fright was in him When he left the door. But he took a hand o 'Denny An' a hand o' Dan,, Wi' Joe's owld coat upon him — Och, the poor wee man! He cut the quarest figure, More stout nor thin; An' trottin' right an' steady Wi his toes turned in. I watched him to the corner 0' the big turf stack, An' the more his feet went forrit, Still his head turned back. He was lookin', would I call him — Och me heart was woe — Sure it's lost I am without him, But he be to go. I followed to the turnin' When they passed it by, God help him, he was cryin', An', maybe, so was I. - Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with; and then the different branches of Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision. --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832—1898) English writer and logician. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ [1865], Ch. 9 Six months ago, the Surgeon General said we should teach masturbation in school. I said to myself, 'Just my luck! Thirty years after I graduate, they think of something I could have made an 'A' in.' --James Carville (1944— ) American political strategist. - I did not do well in examinations. This was especially true of my Entrance Examination to Harrow. The Headmaster, Mr Welldon, however, took a broad-minded view of my Latin prose: he showed discernment in judging my general ability. This was the more remarkable, because I was found unable to answer a single question in the Latin paper. I wrote my name at the top of the page. I wrote down the number of the question 'I'. After much reflection I put a bracket round it thus '(I)'. But thereafter I could not think of anything connected with it that was either relevant or true. Incidentally there arrived from nowhere in particular a blot of ink and several smudges. I gazed for two whole hours at this sad spectacle: and then merciful ushers collected my piece of foolscap with all the others and carried it up to the Headmaster's table. It was from these slender indications of scholarship that Mr Welldon drew the conclusion that I was worthy to pass into Harrow. It is very much to his credit. It showed that he was a man capable of looking beneath the surface of things: a man not dependent upon paper manifestations. I have always had the greatest regard for him. --Winston Churchill (1874—1965) British Conservative statesman and Prime Minister [1940—1945, 1951—1955]. _My Early Life_ [1930] - Schools are for schooling, not social engineering. --Brian Cox (1928— ) and Rhodes Boyson (1925— ) British academic; British politician _Black Paper 1975_ [1975] A Bible and a newspaper in every house, a good school in every district — all studied and appreciated as they merit — are the principal support of virtue, morality and civil liberty. --Benjamin Franklin (1706—1790) American politician, inventor, and scientist. Education would be much more effective if its purpose was to ensure that by the time they leave school every boy and girl should know how much they do not know, and be imbued with a lifelong desire to know it. --Sir William Haley (1901—1987) Director of the BBC [1944—1952]. The dawn of legibility in his handwriting has revealed his utter inability to spell. --attributed to Ian Hay (1876—1952) [pen-name of John Hay Beith] Scottish novelist and dramatist. My grandmother wanted me to have an education, so she kept me out of school. --Margaret Mead (1901—1978) American anthropologist. In Barb Lundgren, comp., _Mindfull Quotations_ [1997]. - Virtue consisted in winning; it consisted in being bigger, stronger, handsomer, richer, more popular, more elegant, more unscrupulous than other people — in dominating them, bullying them, making them suffer pain, making them look foolish, getting the better of them in every way. Life was hierarchical and whatever happened was right. ... --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (1903-1950) English novelist. Describing with bitterness the values of St. Cyprian's, the Scottish bording school he attended on a scholarship between his eighth and twelfth years. "Such, Such Were the Joys" [September-October 1952] (written in 1947) In _The Collected Essays, Journalism and Letters of George Orwell_ ed. Sonia Orwell and Ian Angus [1968], vol. 4 {Q}. - In 1999 kap goes back to school in a post to USENET: The first school I went to was in downtown Brooklyn. I was there 4 years and only remember 3 things which occured. My first day in school Mrs. Trout (my first grade teacher) decided I needed glasses — I remember her name because I blame the glasses on her. So that's 2 of the 3 things I remember — glasses and Mrs. Trout. The third thing that happened was that I slid into the gym wall and knocked myself silly (a condition which I evidently have to this day). The floor had just been waxed and there was a big sign that read something like: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES RUN ON THIS FLOOR. So, I ran on the floor, fell down, and slid head first into the wall. When I woke up in the hospital I think everybody yelled at me. I still have a bump on the back of my head which reminds me to always pay attention to BIG SIGNS. Other than that I only recall one exciting day when I was a freshman in high school. I was a round little kid and there was a junior who was always picking on me. Finally, one day I'd had enough and said something really brilliant, "Let's go outside and settle this!". So we did, and he proceeded to beat the snot out of me. Lesson learned, I shot up like a bean stalk and was over 6 feet tall by my junior year. My son also learned the same lesson but he was even smarter. He grew to 6-6 and carries 280 pounds. Of muscle. Bullies tend to pass him by. kap - As we read the school reports on our children we realize a sense of relief that. . . nobody is reporting in this fashion on us! --J.B. [John Boynton] Priestley (1894—1984) English novelist, playwright and critic. (In "Reader's Digest" [June 1964]) - "Sick" by Shel Silverstein (1930—1999) Ameican poet and songwriter. (1930—1999) "I cannot go to school today," Said little Peggy Ann McKay. "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry, I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox And there's one more — that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green? My leg is cut — my eyes are blue — It might be instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke — My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in, My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My nose is cold, my toes are numb. I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There is a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is — what? What's that? What's that you say? You say today is. . .Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!" - The rivers of America will run with blood filled to their banks before we will submit to them taking the Bible out of our schools. --Billy Sunday [William Ashley Sunday] (1862—1935) American evangelist. - Monday morning found Tom Sawyer miserable. Monday morning always found him so — because it began another week's slow suffering in school. He generally began that day with wishing he had had no intervening holiday, it made the going into captivity and fetters again so much more odious. --Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835—1910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. _The Adventures of Tom Sawyer_ [1876], Ch. 6 I never let my schooling interfere with my education. --Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835—1910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. Attributed, in _Everyone's Mark Twain_, p. 553, ed. Caroline Thomas Harnsberger [1948]. ------ TOPICAL [...] Anyone with a child in school knows the signs all too well. I am intrigued by the faith parents now invest — the craze began about 1990 — in psychologists who diagnose their children as suffering from a defect known as attention deficit disorder, or ADD. Of course, I have no way of knowing whether this "disorder" is an actual, physical, neurological condition or not, but neither does anybody else in this early stage of neuroscience. The symptoms of this supposed malady are always the same. The child or, rather, the boy — forty-nine out of fifty cases are boys— fidgets around in school, slides off his chair, doesn't pay attention, distracts his classmates during class, and performs poorly. In an earlier era he would have been pressured to pay attention, work harder, show some self-discipline. To parents caught up in the new intellectual climate of the 1990s, that approach seems cruel, because my little boy's problem is ... *he's wired wrong!* The poor little tyke — *the fix has been in since birth!* Invariably the parents complain, "All he wants to do is sit in front of the television set and watch cartoons and play Sega Genesis." For how long? "How long? For hours at a time." Hours at a time; as even any young neuroscientist will tell you, that boy may have a problem, but it is not an attention deficit. --Tom Wolfe (1931— ) American journalist and novelist. _Hooking Up_ [2000] (ellipsis & emphasis in original text) ----- alumnus/alumna (noun) [ê-'lêm-nês/ê-'lêm-nê] A (male/female) graduate of an educational institution. The plural of the masculine "alumnus" is "alumni." The plural of the feminine "alumna" is "alumnae." end page | SACRED - SANTA CLAUS | SARCASM - SCHOOL | SCIENCE - SCULPTURE | SEA (THE) - SEEING | SELF - SELF-ESTEEM | SELF-EXAMINATION - SEMANTICS | SENATE (THE U.S.) - SERIOUSNESS | SEX | SEX SYMBOLS - SHEEP | SHIPS - SILENCE | SILLINESS - SINGING | SINGLE-MINDEDNESS - SKY | SLANDER - SMILES | SMOKING - SOCIETY | SOLDIERS - SOPHISTICATION | SORROW - SOUTH SEA | SPACE - SPEAKING | SPEECH - SPENDTHRIFTS | SPIDERS - SPY | SPORTS & SPORTSMANSHIP | STAGE (THE) - STERILIZATION | STOCK MARKET - STRANGERS | STRENGTH - SUBURBS | SUCCESS | SUFFERING - SUPREME COURT | SURPRISE - SYSTEM (THE) | | R | S | T | U - END | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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