 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home |
Credits |
Cast |
1 |
2 |
3 |
Reviews |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Home |
Credits |
Cast |
1 |
2 |
3 |
Reviews |
|
|
 . . see: "CRIME" see: "DEATH" see: "KILLING" see: "MURDER" see: "SUICIDE" Lady Astor once remarked to Winston Churchill at a dinner party, "Winston, if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee!" Winston replied, "Madam if I were your husband I would drink it!" --This anecdote is apocryphal and is based on an old joke which has been traced back to at least the turn of the 20th century. The deadliest of poisons cannot be analyzed in any laboratory, for they are in the mind. --in Raquella Berto-Anirul, _The Biology of the Soul_, chapter epigraph, written by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson, attributed to a character in _Dune: The Battle of Corrin_. Willie poisoned his father's tea; Father died in agony Mother came, and looked quite vexed: "Really, Will," she said, "what next?!" --Harry Graham (18741936) British writer and journalist. _Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes_ [1899] I give you bitter pills in sugar coating. The pills are harmless, the poison is in the sugar. --Stanislaw Jerzy Lec (19091966) Polish writer. _Unkempt Thoughts_ [1962] Deadly poisons are concealed under sweet honey. --Ovid [Publius Ovidius Naso] (43 B.C.18 A.D.) Roman poet. _Amores_ I. 8. 104 [16 B.C.] ----- veneficial (noun) [ve-nκ-'fi-shκl] With poison, by means of poison, poisonous; by means of witchcraft.   POLICE . . see: "CRIME & PUNISHMENT" for related links see: "OCCUPATIONS" for related links What we call conscience, in many instances, is only a wholesome fear of the constable. --Christian Nestell Bovee (18201904) American writer. _Intuitions and Summaries of Thought_, vol. 1, p. 117 [2 vols. 1862] Thou need'st not answer thy confession speaks, Already reddening in thy guilty cheeks. --Lord Byron [George Gordon Byron] (17881824) English Romantic poet and satirist. "The Corsair, A Tale" [1814] Get the thing straight once and for all. The policeman is not there to create disorder. The policeman is there to preserve disorder. --Richard J. Daley (19021976) American politician; mayor of Chicago [1955-76]. Quoted in "Newsweek" [1968]. [Captain Louis Renault (Claude Rains) speaking:] Major Strasser has been shot. ... Round up the usual suspects. --Julius J. Epstein et al (19092000) American screenwriter and playwright. "Casablanca" [1942 film] Screenplay by Julius J. Epstein, Philip G. Epstein, and Howard Koch. For the middle class, the police protect property, give directions, and help old ladies. For the urban poor, the police are those who arrest you. --Michael Harrington (19281989) American socialist and author. _The Other America: Poverty in the United States_ [1962] [Catchphrase of Steve McGarrett (Jack Lord):] Book 'em, Danno! --"Hawaii Five-O" [American TV show 1968-80] - kap posts to USENET about his shady past: [...] And then there was the time I was picked up for hitchhiking. Every weekend I would hitchhike from New Haven to wherever in New York City the driver was going, and from there made my way to Long Island. This was in the Spring of 1963 when I was 17. Most every week I would walk to I 95, stick out my thumb, and hitch a ride into the city. But this particular week the driver was only going as far as Bridgeport and I figured I could get another ride from there. I wound up getting two. The first was from the cop who brought me into the station. My fine was $25. I called my mother and she Western Unioned me the money. I paid, left, and then went back to I 95 where I promptly stuck out my thumb and got a ride to the city. That incident ended my career as a criminal and I have been clean ever since. --kap - [Of the U.S.:] One of the fondest expressions around is that we can't be the world's policeman. ... But guess who gets called when suddenly someone needs a cop? --Colin L. Powell (b. 1937) Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff [1989-93]; Secretary of State [2001-05]. Interview with "New York Times" [1990]. - There are many different jobs for cops these days. It seems to me that Chalk Outline Guy is one of the better jobs you can get. It's not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone ... I don't know who these guys are. I guess they're people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw too well. 'Uh, listen Johnson, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk, you could manage to trace around it? Could you do that?' I don't even know how that helps them solve the crime. They look at the thing on the ground, 'Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement, that means the killer must have been .......... Jim!' --Jerry Seinfeld (b. 1954) American actor, writer, and comedian. _SeinLanguage_ [1993] - A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested. --Tom Wolfe (b. 1931) American journalist and novelist. _The Bonfires of the Vanities_ [1987] - A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. - A total of 1,514 police officers were killed felonously or died in the line of duty in the 1980s. --"Washington Spectator" [15 June 1991] ;void(0)) POLITE . . see: "CIVILITY" for related links [At age four, having recently had hot coffee spilt over his legs:] Thank you, madam, the agony is abated. --Thomas Babington, Lord Macaulay (18001859) English politician and historian. Quoted in George Otto Trevelyan _The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay_ [1876]. ^ Alexander Blackwell (17091749) British adventurer. Sentenced to be decapitated, Blackwell came to the block and laid his head on the wrong side. The executioner pointed out his mistake. Blackwell moved around to the correct side, observing that he was sorry for the mistake, but this was the first time that he had been beheaded. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ - True politeness is perfect ease and freedom. It simply consists in treating others just as you love to be treated yourself. --Lord Chesterfield [Philip Dormer Stanhope] (16941773) British writer and politician. Attributed in Henry Southgate (ed.) _Many Thoughts of Many Minds_, p. 489 [1862, 3rd edition]. Not to perceive the little weaknesses and the idle but innocent affectations of the company may be allowable as a sort of polite duty. The company will be pleased with you if you do this, and most probably will not be reformed by you if you do not. --Lord Chesterfield [Philip Dormer Stanhope] (16941773) British writer and politician. Attributed in _Holiday Jottings by a London Solicitor ..._ [1881] - Be civil, then, to young and old, Especially to persons who Possess a quantity of gold Which they might leave to you. The more they have, it seems to me, The more polite you ought to be. --Harry Graham (18741936) British writer and journalist. "Politeness" Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as 'empty,' 'meaningless,' or 'dishonest,' and scorn to use them. No matter how 'pure' their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best. --Robert Heinlein (19071988) American science-fiction writer. _Time Enough for Love_ [1973] "Notebooks of Lazarus Long" Among well-bred people a mutual deference is affected, contempt of others is disguised; authority concealed; attention given to each in his turn; and an easy stream of conversation maintained without vehemence, without interruption, without eagerness for victory, and without any airs of superiority. --David Hume (17111776) Scottish philosopher. Attributed in Andrew Steinmetz _Gems of Genius; or, Words of the Wise_, p. 169 [1838]. Avoid all haste; calmness is an essential ingredient of politeness. --Jean-Baptiste Alphonse Karr (18081890) French novelist and journalist. Attributed in Horace S. Tarbell _Tarbell's Lessons in Language_, p. 61 [1894]. Politeness is not always a sign of wisdom, but the want of it always leaves room for the suspicion of folly. --Walter Savage Landor (17751864) English poet, essayist, and critic. _Imaginary Conversations_ (1824-53) Politeness goes far, yet costs nothing. --Samuel Smiles (18121904) Scottish author. _Character_ [1871] ----- urbane [ur-BAYN], adjective: Polished and smooth in manner; polite, refined, and elegant. ;void(0)) POLITICALLY CORRECT (OR NOT) . . see: "LANGUAGE" see: "POLITICS" We found the term "killing" too broad and have substituted the more precise, if more verbose, "unlawful or arbitrary deprivation of life." --Elliott Abrams (b. 1948) American lawyer. _New York Times_ [11 February 1984] "Rights Survey Stops Using Word 'Killing'" - The left is in control of our political culture. They have thoroughly intimidated the media. As a gay woman, I'm pleased that Ellen had a TV show, but you'll absolutely never see a TV show about a woman who's an anti-abortion Christian. It will not happen, even though there are more of those people in the country than gay people. She pauses and chuckles. "Of course, I wouldn't watch it." The smile abruptly disappears. "Political correctness is just another form of fundamentalism. NOW and some of the New Left have become intolerant and bullying enough to drive Jerry Falwell back to bigotry school." --Tammy Bruce (b. 1962) American author and political commentator. Quoted in "The Disaffection of Tammy Bruce", by Fred Dickey, _Los Angeles Times_ [2 June 2002]. - In some of its more lunatic aspects, political correctness is merely ridiculous. But in the thinking behind it, there is something more sinister which is shown by the fact that already there are certain areas and topics where freedom of speech, in the sense of the right to open and frank discussion, is being gradually but significantly eroded. --Retiring Judge Neil Denison, quoted by the "London Daily Telegraph" [22 March 2001]. I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I was not poor, I was needy. Then they said it was self-defeating to think I was needy; instead, I was deprived. Then they said deprived had a bad image; I was really underpriviledged. The they said underprivileged was overused, I was disadvantaged. I still do not have a dime but I have a great vocabulary. --Jules Feiffer (b. 1929) American cartoonist and author. Quoted in _Revue du dιveloppement_, p. 19 by Society for International Development [1991]. - [Patient (Elise Cavanna):] You won't hurt my leg, will you? My doctor says I have a very bad leg. [Dentist (W.C. Fields), leering at her leg:] Your doctor is off his nut! I don't believe in doctors anyway. There's a doctor lives right down the street here. Treated a man for yellow juandice for nine years and then found out he was a Jap. --W. C. Fields [William Claude Dukenfield] (18801946) American vaudeville star and film actor. "The Dentist" [1932 short film] w/screeplay by Fields. - It was a wise man who said that there is no greater inequality than the equal treatment of unequals. --Felix Frankfurter (18821965) Austrian-born U.S. Supreme Court justice who helped found the A.C.L.U.. Dissenting opinion in "Dennis v. United States" [1950]. Beware of identity politics. I'll rephrase that: have nothing to do with identity politics. I remember very well the first time I heard the saying "The Personal Is Political." It began as a sort of reaction to the defeats and downturns that followed 1968: a consolation prize, as you might say, for people who missed that year. I knew in my bones that a truly Bad Idea had entered the discourse. Nor was I wrong. People began to stand up at meetings and orate about how they *felt*, not about what or how they thought, and about who they were rather than what (if anything) they had done or stood for. It became the replication in even less interesting form of the narcissism of the small difference, because each identity group begat its sub-groups and "specificities." This tendency has often been satirised the overweight caucus of the Cherokee transgender disabled lesbian faction demands a hearing on its needs but never satirised enough. You have to have seen it really happen. From a way of being radical it very swiftly became a way of being reactionary; the Clarence Thomas hearings demonstrated this to all but the most dense and boring and selfish, but then, it was the dense and boring and selfish who had always seen identity politics as their big chance. --Christopher Hitchens (19492011) British journalist, author, and literary critic. _Letters to a Young Contrarian_ [2001] We want to create a sort of linguistic Lourdes where evil and misfortune are dispelled by a dip in the waters of euphemism. --Robert Hughes (b. 1938) Australian art critic and author. _Culture of Complaint_ [1993] I believe that political correctness can be a form of linguistic fascism, and it sends shivers down the spine of my generation who went to war against fascism. --P.D. [Phyllis Dorothy] James (b. 1920) English writer of detective stories. In "Paris Review" [1995]. - ... The indispensable Ward Connerly would agree. Connerly has campaigned vigorously against affirmative action in California. This of course has made him a pariah among the politically correct elite. It has also resulted in some humorous exchanges, such as this telephone interview with a reporter from The New York Times in 1997. REPORTER: What are you? CONNERLY: I am an American. REPORTER: No, no, no! What are you? CONNERLY: Yes, yes, yes! I am an American. REPORTER: That is not what I mean. I was told that you are African American. Are you ashamed to be African American? CONNERLY: No, I am just proud to be an American. Connerly went on to explain that his ancestry included Africans, French, Irish, and American Indians. It was too much for the poor reporter from our Paper of Record: What does that make you? he asked in uncomprehending exasperation. I suspect he was not edified by Connerlys cheerful response: That makes me all- American. --Roger Kimball, "Institutionalizing our demise: America vs. multiculturalism" in _The New Criterion_ [June 2004]. - In my youth ... there were certain words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can say them, but you can't say 'girl'. --Tom Lehrer (b. 1928) American songwriter and satirist. Quoted in _Washington Post_ [3 January 1982]. Political correctness is the natural continuum from the party line. What we are seeing once again is a self-appointed group of vigilantes imposing their views on others. It is a heritage of communism, but they don't seem to see this. --Doris Lessing (b. 1919) Iranian-born novelist. _Sunday Times_ (London) [10 May 1992] The whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought. In the end we shall make thought-crime literally impossible because there will be no words in which to express it. ... Every year fewer and fewer words, and the range of consciousness always a little smaller. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. _Nineteen Eighty-Four_, ch. 1, sec. 5 [1949] It would be insensitive to say Dennis Brown and Ted Washington were fat when they reported to [football training] camp. Let's just say they were over-served. --Scott Osler, "San Francisco Chronicle," [11 August 1993] [Remark to British students in China:] You shouldn't stay here too long, or you'll turn slitty-eyed. --Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh (b. 1921) Consort of Queen Elizaberh II. At Beijing University, Beijing, China [March 1986]. Today, racism is regarded as a crime if practiced by a majority but as an inalienable right if practiced by a minority. The notion that one's culture is superior to all others solely because it represents the traditions of one's ancestors, is regarded as chauvinism if claimed by a majority but as 'ethnic' pride if claimed by a minority. Resistance to change and progress is regarded as reactionary if demonstrated by a majority but retrogression to a Balkan village, to an Indian teepee or to the jungle is hailed if demonstrated by a minority. --Ayn Rand (19051982) Russian-born American writer. "The Age of Envy" (First published in _The Objectivist_ July-August 1971.) - "The Language Police" by Diane Ravitch _The Atlantic Monthly_ [March 2003] This list of banned words and stereotypes is an abridgment of a lengthy glossary compiled by a historian from bias guidelines issued by major educational publishers and state agencies. The guidelines are used by writers, editors, and illustrators when preparing textbooks and tests for K-12 students. Adam and Eve (replace with "Eve and Adam;" to demonstrate that males do not take priority over females) Blind leading the blind, the (banned as handicapism) Bookworm (banned as offensive; replace with "intellectual") Boys' night out (banned as sexist) Busybody (banned as sexist, demeaning to older women) Confined to a wheelchair (banned as offensive; replace with "person who is mobility impaired") Craftsmanship (banned as sexist) Devil (banned) Drunken, Drunkenness (banned as offensive when referring to Native Americans) Duffer (banned as demeaning to older men) Egghead (banned as offensive; replace with "intellectual") Elderly, the (banned as ageist; replace with "older people") Extremist (banned as ethnocentric; replace with "believer;' "follower;' or "adherent") Fairy (banned because it suggests homosexuality; replace with "elf") Fanatic (banned as ethnocentric; replace with "believer," "follower," or "adherent") Founding Fathers, the (banned as sexist; replace with "the Founders" or "the Framers") God (banned) Heiress (banned as sexist; replace with "heir") Hell (banned; replace with "heck" or "darn") Heroine (banned as sexist; replace with "hero") Jungle (banned; replace with "rain forest") Junk bonds (banned as elitist) Limping along (banned as handicapism) Little person (banned as offensive; replace with "person of small stature") Lumberjack (banned as sexist; replace with "woodcutter") Majority group (banned as offensive) Minority group (banned as offensive) Old wives' tale (banned as sexist; replace with "folk wisdom") One-man band (banned as sexist; replace with "one-person performance") Paraplegic (banned as offensive; replace with "person with paraplegia") Past one's prime (banned as demeaning to older persons) Polo (banned as elitist) Regatta (banned as elitist) Senile (banned as demeaning to older persons) Senior citizen (banned as demeaning to older persons) Snowman (banned; replace with "snow person") Stickball (banned as regional or ethnic bias) Straw man (banned as sexist; replace with "unreal issue" or "misrepresentation") Sufferer of cerebral palsy (banned as offensive; replace with "person who has loss of muscle control") Tomboy (banned as sexist) Turning a deaf ear (banned as handicapism) West, Western (banned as Eurocentric) Yacht (banned as elitist) STEREOTYPED IMAGES TO AVOID IN TEXT, ILLUSTRATIONS, AND READING PASSAGES IN TESTS: Girls and Women / Boys and Men: Images to avoid -Women portrayed as teachers, mothers, nurses, and/or secretaries -Women aging less gracefully than men -Women as more nurturing than men -Men playing sports, working with tools -Men and boys larger and heavier than women and girls -Father expressionless or relaxed in trying circumstances -Females more preoccupied with their appearance than males -Pioneer woman riding in covered wagon while man walks -Women as passengers on a sailboat or sipping hot chocolate in a ski lodge -Boys as strong, rough, competitive -Boys as intelligent, logical, mechanical -Boys as good at math, science People of color: Images to avoid -People of color being angry -People of color as politically liberal Native American people: Images to avoid -Native Americans performing a rain dance -Native Americans who are not part of the American mainstream -Native Americans living in rural settings on reservations -Native Americans with long hair, braids, headbands -Native Americans portrayed as people who live in harmony with nature Asian-American people: Images to avoid -Asian-Americans as very intelligent, excellent scholars -Asian-Americans as ambitious, hardworking, and competitive -Korean-Americans owning or working in fruit markets Hispanic-American people: Images to avoid -Hispanics who are migrant workers -Hispanics who are warm, expressive, and emotional -Hispanics in urban settings (ghettos or barrios) -Hispanics wearing bright colors, older women in black, girls always in dresses Persons who are older: Images to avoid -Older people in nursing homes or with canes, walkers, wheelchairs, orthopedic shoes, or eyeglasses -Older people as ill, physically weak, feeble, or dependent -Older people who have twinkles in their eyes, need afternoon naps, lose their hearing or sight, suffer aches and pains -Older people who are retired, are at the end of their careers, have lived the most fruitful years of their lives, or are engaged in a life of leisure activities -Older people living with their offspring or with other relatives -Older people who are fishing, baking, knitting, whittling, reminiscing, rocking in chairs, or watching television. Diane Ravitch is a historian of education and Research Professor of Education at New York University. - - You see? I just wrote `black American.' I couldn't even bring myself to write "African American." It's a phrase that, for me, doesn't roll naturally off the tongue: "African American." Is that what we really are? Is there anything really "African" left in the descendants of those original slaves who made that tortuous journey across the Atlantic? ... And for black Americans, I think, the reaffirmation of some kind of lost African identity is rooted more in fantasy than reality. Why would we, as Americans, want to embrace a continent so riven by tribal, ethnic, and religious hatreds? And besides, how can we, sons and daughters of American soil, reaffirm an identity that for us never existed in the first place? --Keith Richburg, _Out of America: A Black Man Confronts Africa_ [1998] - The very tactics of those totalitarian movements intimidation, demonization, and disregard of all rules in favor of politically defined results have become hallmarks of political correctness today. Some people think political correctness is just silly. But many people thought Hitler was just silly before he took power and demonstrated how tragically mistaken they were. --Thomas Sowell (b. 1930) American economist and author. "Ignore Constitution and Play With Fire" in _Toledo Blade_ [13 March 2000]. You can call yourself anything you want, including the queen of Sheba, but that does not give you the right to force other people to call you the queen of Sheba. --Thomas Sowell (b. 1930) American economist and author. In "Lodi News-Sentinel" [23 March 2000]. - Breast cancer and AIDS aren't among the leading killers. Among diseases, breast cancer is ninth, AIDS 18th. Yet in 2001, AIDS research got $4,439 per patient from NIH, breast cancer $290, Parkinson's $175. Diabetes, which killed more people than AIDS and breast cancer combined, got $41. Heart disease, the number one killer, got just $58 per patient. --John Stossel (b. 1947) American television journalist and author. _Give Me A Break_ [2005] Dean Kagan, distinguished faculty, parents, friends, graduating seniors, Secret Service, class agents, people of class, people of color, colorful people, people of height, the vertically constrained, people of hair, the differently coiffed, the optically challenged, the temporarily sighted, the insightful, the out of sight, the out-of-towners, the Eurocentrics, the Afrocentrics, the Afrocentrics with Eurailpasses, the eccentrically inclined, the sexually disinclined, people of sex, sexy people, sexist pigs, animal companions, friends of the earth, friends of the boss, the temporarily employed, the differently employed, the differently optioned, people with options, people with stock options, the divestiturists, the deconstructionist, the home constructionist, the homeboys, the homeless, the temporarily housed at home, and God save us, the permanently housed at home. --Garry Trudeau (b. 1948) American cartoonist. Class Day speech at Yale [December 1991]. If the first half of the century was the era of technical engineering, the second half will be the era of social engineering. --William H. Whyte (19171999) American sociologist and journalist. "The Social Engineers" in _Fortune_ [January 1952]. - As the battle over Christmas continues across America this year [2005], consumers are taking notice for themselves. In Austin, Texas, for instance, a banner was displayed this weekend at a new Lowe's home-improvement store. In English, the sign reads: "Now Here! Fresh Cut Holiday Trees." But in Spanish, the sign reads: "Now Here! Fresh Cut Christmas Trees." --"'Christmas' trees vs. 'Holiday' trees" [27 November 2005] WorldNetDaily.com - The running part of this activity is healthy and encouraged; however, in this game, there is a 'victim' or 'It,' which creates a self-esteem issue. The oldest or biggest child usually dominates. --newsletter of Santa Monica, CA Franklin Elementary School, explaining the school's ban on the game of tag. Reported at ABCNews.com [24 June 2002]. -- Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female Employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ... To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay." -- For my Democrat Friends: Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures who manifest mankind. For my Republican Friends: Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. --author unknown -- . . see: "POLITICS" for related links These bickerings of opposite parties, and their mutual reproaches their declamations, their sing-song, their triumphs and defiances, their dismals and prophecies, are all delusion. --John Adams (17351826) First VP and second President of the United States. To his wife Abigail [16 July 1774]. - "The Heirs of the Rhino Party" [Canadian] June 19, 2004 by Dan Brown No, it's not you. This year's election actually is less fun than the elections of yesteryear. And there's one obvious reason why this is the case: the Rhino Party no longer exists. To voters of a certain age, that name will bring back fond memories. Until it disbanded in 1993, the Rhinoceros Party injected a much-needed dose of silliness into this country's federal-election campaigns. The party once famously promised to pave Manitoba if it formed the government, thus creating the world's largest parking lot. It also pledged to tear down the Rocky Mountains so people in Alberta could see the sun setting over the Pacific Ocean, and to sell the Senate at an antique action. [...] For Canadians who feel nostalgic for the Rhino Party, there's some good news: there is at least one party the Lemon Party of Canada that is attempting to carry on the tradition of irreverence started by the Rhinos. So what does the Lemon Party stand for? "We believe in zest," says Loren Hicks, a Toronto Lemon supporter. "We think there should be more zest in Canadian politics." The party was established in Quebec in the 1980s and branched out into federal politics with the 2000 vote. As its name suggests, the party's members share an obsession with, well, lemons. In fact, they believe that Canada's economy should be restructured so that it is based on lemon production. Apparently lemons are the wave of the future. "The growth of lemon consumption and lemon importation over the last 40 years is absolutely staggering," explains Jean-Simon Poirier, a Lemon spokesman in Gatineau, Que. Because Poirier and his fellow "lemonistas" want Canada to become the world's pre-eminent lemon superpower, this means they are actually in favour of global warming. "Climate change is an important part of the Lemon Party platform," says Hicks. "We think Canada ought to be warm enough to grow lemon trees." Which isn't to say that the Lemon Party doesn't have non- lemon planks in its platform. "We've talked about merging the Great Lakes," says Poirier. "It's more efficient, I think. It makes sense." The Lemons are also proposing to abolish Toronto, which Poirier admits may be just a crass ploy to capitalize on the prejudices of voters outside Canada's largest city. Hicks, who was a Rhino member when he lived in Montreal in the 1970s, thinks that the Lemons should also adopt an old Rhino policy: repealing the law of gravity. [...] When asked how he originally became involved with the Rhino movement, Hicks draws a blank: "I think there was alcohol involved. I'm not exactly sure I remember." - We are Republicans, and don't propose to leave our party and identify ourselves with the party whose antecedents are Rum, Romanism, and Rebellion. --Samuel Dickerson Burchard (18121891) American clergyman. Speech at Fifth Avenue Hotel, NY, NY [29 October 1884]. - We live in a world where we choose up sides first, and make moral decisions afterward, based almost entirely on what will serve the interest of our team. It makes me ashamed of the Democratic Party that this seems to be the only moral process available to the party's leadership. I used to call myself a "Moynihan Democrat." But now that he's dead, I'm reduced to calling myself a "Tony Blair Democrat." That's because I cannot find a single leader in the Democratic Party who is capable of acting on the basis of what is right, rather than what will make our side win. --Orson Scott Card (b. 1951) American writer. "Moral Stupidity" [16 June 2003] - If you will refrain from telling any lies about the Republican party, I'll promise not to tell the truth about the Democrats. --Chauncey Depew (18341928) American orator, politician, and railroad president. Attributed in John Francis Parker _If Elected, I Promise ..._ [1960]. Political tags such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort. --Robert Heinlein (19071988) American science-fiction writer. _Time Enough for Love_ [1973] I am a free man, an American, a United States Senator, and a Democrat, in that order. --Lyndon B. Johnson (19081973) American Democratic statesman, President [1963-69]. In "Texas Quarterly" [Winter 1958]. - Our democracy is but a name. We vote? What does that mean? It means that we choose between two bodies of real, though not avowed, autocrats, We choose between Tweedledum and Tweedledee. You ask for votes for women. What good can votes do when ten-elevenths of the land of Great Britain belongs to 200,000 and only one-eleventh to the rest of the 40,000,000? Have your men with their millions of votes freed themselves from this injustice? --Helen Keller (18801968) American author and educator who was blind and deaf. Letter to British suffragist [1911]. - [Remark to Arthur M. Schlesinger Jr.:] Sometimes party loyalty asks too much. --John Fitzgerald Kennedy (19171963) American Democratic statesman, President of the U.S. [1961-63]. I don't believe the Democrats or Republican are lying to us. I think that every dirty, rotten, lowdown thing they say about each other is true! --A. Ray Lambson, Letter to the "Los Angeles Times" [26 October 1994]. Whenever a Republican leaves one side of the aisle and goes to the other [Democratic side], it raises the intelligence quotient of both parties. --Clare Boothe Luce (19031987) American playwright and politician. Quoted in James C. Humes _Speaker's Treasury of Anecdotes About the Famous_ [1978]. As usual the Liberals offer a mixture of sound and original ideas. Unfortunately none of the sound ideas is original and none of the original ideas is sound. --Harold MacMillan (18941986) British Conservative statesman, Prime Minister [1957-63]. Speech to London Conservatives [7 March 1961]. I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache. --Jack Mayberry Attributed in Doni Tamblyn _Laugh and Learn ..._ [2002]. - "Once Were Warriors" Walter Russell Mead in _The Wall Street Journal_ [21 January 2004]. ... Historically, the Democrats have been America's war party. Bob Dole got into trouble during his 1976 vice presidential campaign when he denounced World War I and World War II, along with Vietnam and Korea, as "Democrat Wars," but most of America's foreign wars began with Democrats in the White House: add the Mexican War, the Cold War and the War of 1812 to the Democrats' count. Republicans, even including the Federalist and Whig predecessors to the GOP, could only claim the Spanish American War and the Gulf War before the War on Terror and George W. Bush. "Vote for a Republican," people used to say, "and you get a Depression. Vote for a Democrat, and you get a war." Most of the Democrats' wars were, to use what is becoming a popular phrase today, "wars of choice." The War of 1812 was, strictly speaking, unnecessary; unbeknownst to Congress, Britain had already revoked the Orders in Council before war was declared. In the Mexican War, James Knox Polk sent U.S. forces into disputed territory well before exhausting all diplomatic avenues. More recently, the Vietnamese and Korean conflicts were, if not quite wars of choice, wars whose primary purpose was not to safeguard either the territory or the citizens of the U.S., but its broad strategic interests. U.S. interventions in Bosnia and Kosovo were also wars of choice; the United States faced no direct military threat as a result of Serbian madness and misrule. The Cold War was preventative; the Soviet Union did not pose an imminent threat to the U.S. in 1947. Of all the wars of all the Democrats, only the two world wars were clearly wars of necessity and some historians argue that a more even handed policy by President Wilson could have kept the U.S. out of World War I as well. [...] - In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (18801956) American journalist and literary critic. _A Mencken Chrestomathy_ [1949] Under democracy one party always devotes its energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule and both commonly succeed and are right. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (18801956) American journalist and literary critic. _Minority Report_ [1956] - God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat. --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _Parliament of Whores_ [1991] - To the ordinary working man, the sort you would meet in any pub on Saturday night, Socialism does not mean much more than better wages and shorter hours and nobody bossing you about. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. _The Road to Wigan Pier_ [1937] All left-wing parties in the highly industrialized countries are at bottom a sham, because they make it their business to fight against something which they do not really wish to destroy. They have internationalist aims, and at the same time they struggle to keep up a standard of life with which those aims are incompatible. We all live by robbing Asiatic coolies, and those of us who are enlightened all maintain that those coolies ought to be set free; but our standard of living, and hence our enlightenment, demands that the robbery shall continue. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. "Rudyard Kipling" [1942 essay] - ^^ Packer, Alfred (18421907) American gold prospector. In 1873, in Utah, Alfred Packer and some friends went on a gold prospecting trip. The weather proved too difficult, and most of the party went home. Packer and six men continued on into the mountains. But it was Packer alone who returned, insisting he had been deserted by his friends, of whom there was no trace. He claimed he had subsisted on roots and small game, but he looked rosy and flush indeed. It was not long before the half- eaten bodies of his companions were found, and Packer confirmed that in a dispute he had killed and consumed them all. As he was sentenced to death, the judge said to him, "Alfred Packer, you depraved Republican cannibal there were only six Democrats in Hinsdale County and, by God, you've et five of them!" --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^^ The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --Will Rogers [William Penn Adair Rogers] (18791935) American humorist and actor. _The Illiterate Digest_ [1924] I am reminded of four definitions. A Radical is a man with both feet firmly planted in the air. A Conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned to walk forward. A Reactionary is a somnambulist walking backwards. A Liberal is a man who uses his legs and his hands at the behest at the command of his head. --Franklin D. Roosevelt (18821945) American Democratic statesman and President [1933-45]. Radio broadcast [26 October 1939]. The old parties are husks, with no real soul within either, divided on artificial lines, boss-ridden and privilege-controlled, each a jumble of incongruous elements, and neither daring to speak out wisely and fearlessly what should be said on the vital issues of the day. --Theodore Roosevelt (18581919) American Republican statesman and President [1901-09]. Speech accepting the nomination of the National Progressive Party [6 August 1912]. The ae half of the warld thinks the tither daft. --Sir Walter Scott (17711832) Scottish novelist and poet. "Redgauntlet" [1824] - I have been thinking that I would make a poposition to my Republican friends. That if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them. --Adlai E. Stevenson (19001965) American Democratic politician. Campaign remark in Fresno, California [10 September 1952]. An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics. --Adlai E. Stevenson (19001965) American Democratic politician. In Bill Adler _The Stevenson Wit_ [1966]. - If we mean to support the liberty and independence which it has cost us so much blood and treasure to establish, we must drive far away the demon of party spirit and local reproach. --George Washington (17321799) American general and commander-in-chief of the colonial armies in the American Revolution [1775-83] and first president of the United States [1789-97]. Letter to Arthur Fenner [4 June 1790]. - Join the Republican party if you cannot abide Democrats. You will probably loathe Republicans just as much, but there are fewer of them. --anon. end page | PACIFISM - PAIN | PAINTING - PARENTING | PARIS - PASSPORTS | PAST (THE) - PATRIOTISM | PEACE - PERCENTAGES | PEOPLE | PERCEPTIONS - PERSUASION | PESSIMISM - PHILOSOPHY | PHONIES - PHYSICS | PIANO - PLANS | PLACES | PLANTS - POETRY | POISON - POLITICAL PARTIES | POLITICS & POLITICIANS (PAGE 1 A - L) | POLITICS & POLITICIANS (PAGE 2 M - Z) | POLLS - POPES | POPEYE - POTENTIAL | POVERTY | POWER | PRACTICALITY - PRAYER | PREACHERS - PREPARED (BE) | PRESENT (THE) - (THE) PRESS | PRETENSION - PRIVACY | PROBLEMS - PROGRESSIVES | PROGRESS - PROPAGANDA | PROPOSALS - PUBLIC (THE) | PUBLIC OPINION - PUNCTUATION | PUNISHMENT - PURPOSE | QUALITIES - QUIPS | QUIRKS - QUOTATIONS | | H | I - J | K - L | M | N - O | P - Q | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The Reviews | |
||