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 . . . NONSENSE see: "ABSURDITIES see: "SILLINESS" see "HUMOR" for other related links - She was brought up in Darien, Connecticut and, when she was younger, she had a little brother, about six years old. the parents sent the kid to military school. While he was there, he stole jam, or something, and they caught him. They wanted to do things right because it was a military school so they held a court martial there. They found the kid guilty. They shot him. They returned to his parents half the tuition. --Woody Allen [Allen Stewart Konigsberg] (1935— ) American actor, screenwriter, and director. In _The Illustrated Woody Allen Reader_, p.45. At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time. --Woody Allen [Allen Stewart Konigsberg] (1935— ) American actor, screenwriter, and director. - I conclude that there is as much sense in nonsense as there is nonsense in sense. --Anthony Burgess [John Burgess Wilson] (1917—1993) English novelist and critic. To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life. --Gelett Burgess (1866—1951) American writer, poet, and humorist. "The Sense of Humor" [1916] - "Father William" by Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832—1898) English writer and logician. "You are old, Father William," the young man said, "And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on your head— Do you think, at your age, it is right?" "In my youth," Father William replied to his son, "I feared it might injure the brain; But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again." "You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back somersault in at the door— Pray, what is the reason of that?" "In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, "I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment—one shilling the box— Allow me to sell you a couple." "You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak— Pray, how did you manage to do it?" "In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life." "You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose— What made you so awfully clever?" "I have answered three questions, and that is enough," Said his father; "don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you downstairs!" "I beg your pardon?" said Alice. "It isn't respectable to beg," said the King. --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832—1898) English writer and logician. _Thorough the Looking-Glass_ [1872] - If once a man indulges himself in Murder, very soon he comes to think little of Robbing, and from Robbing he comes next to Drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to Incivility and Procrastination. --Thomas De Quincey (1785—1859) English essayist and critic. "Murder Considered As One of the Fine Arts" So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. 'What! no soap?' So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Joblillies, and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots. --Samuel Foote (1720—1777) English dramatist and actor. Nonsense written to test the boasted memory of Charles Macklin. Forgive me my nonsense, as I also forgive the nonsense of those that think they talk sense. --Robert Frost (1874—1963) American poet. I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, And that enables you to laugh at life's realities. --Theodor Seuss Geisel [Dr. Seuss] (1904—1991) American writer and illustrator of children's books. In my best social accent I addressed him. I said, 'It is most extraordinary weather for this time of year!' He replied, 'Ah, it isn't this time of year at all." --Oliver St John Gogarty (1878—1957) Irish physician and writer of humerous verse. _It Isn't This Time of Year at All_ [1954] ^ Samuel Goldwyn (1882—1974) American film producer. Goldwyn is said to have been eagar to buy the film rights to Radclyffe Hall's "The Well of Lonliness," a controversial novel dealing with lesbianism. 'You can't film that,' a studio adviser said. 'It's about lesbians.' 'All right,' said Goldwyn, 'where they got lesbians, we'll use Austrians.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ When Grandmama fell off the boat, And couldn't swim (and wouldn't float), Matilda just stood by an smiled. I almost could have slapped the child. --Harry Graham (1874—1936) British writer and journalist. Swallow a Slug By its tail or its snout Feel it slide down Feel it climb out --David Greenberg, _Slugs_ Every child who has the use Of his senses knows a goose. See them underneath the tree Gather round the goose-girl's knee, While she reads them by the hour From the works of Scho-pen-hauer. How patiently the geese attend! But do they really comprehend What Schopenhauer's driving at? Oh, not at all; but what of that? Neither do I; neither does she; And, for that matter, nor does he. --Oliver Herford (1863—1935) American author and illustrator. "Some Geese" Who lives without folly is not so wise as he thinks. --François de La Rochefoucauld (1613—1680) French classical author. _Reflections; or, Sentences and Moral Maxims_ [1678], Maxim 209 - The Seven young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of Gooseberry-bushes and Tiggory-trees, under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they saw a large Lettuce which had grown out of the ground while they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of green leaves. At which they all exclaimed: 'Lettuce! O Lettuce! 'Let us, O let us, 'O Lettuce leaves, 'O let us leave this tree and eat 'Lettuce, O let us, Lettuce leaves!' And instantly the Seven young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force against the Lettuce-plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses, which grew worse and worse and worse and worse till it incidentally killed them all Seven. And that was the end of the Seven young Guinea Pigs. --Edward Lear (1812—1888) English landscape painter and writer of nonsense verse. "The History of the Seven Families of Lake Pipple-popple" - - The Soviet troops are assisting the Hungarian people to retain their independence from imperialism. --The London _Daily Worker_ [7 November 1956] (After the Hungarian uprising.) The Hungarian Revolution - - Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know. --Groucho [Julius Henry] Marx (1895—1977) American film comedian. In "Animal Crackers" [movie]. ...At that point Mandoline's lover, the Count de la Défense d'Afficher, rushed into the room. I had to swallow the blueprints quick, and I must say they were the worst I've ever tasted. 'Cochon,' cried the Count. 'What are you doing in my fiancée's apartment?' 'Well, right now I am trying to find a bicarbonate of soda.' He advanced and slapped me across the cheek with his gloves. I could not let this challenge go unheeded. I produced my card-case. 'Take one, Monsieur,' I snapped. He did. 'What is it?' I said. 'Queen of spades.' 'Pay me — I drew the ace.' This did not satisfy him, however, so I stalked away to my motorcycle and drove off in low dungeon — I couldn't make high on the gasoline we were getting in those days. --Groucho [Julius Henry] Marx (1895—1977) American film comedian. "How to be a spy" - As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today, I wish, I wish he'd stay away. --Hughes Mearns The curse of man, and the cause of nearly all his woe, is his stupendous capacity for believing the incredible. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956) American journalist and literary critic. ^^ Bronko Nagurski (1908—1990) Canadian-born U.S. football player and wrestler. As a result of some horseplay with a teammate, Nagurski once fell out of a second-floor window. A crowd gathered. A policeman appeared. He asked, 'What happened?' Replied Nagurski, 'I don't know, I just got here myself.' _Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000] ^^ I give you now Professor Twist, A conscientious scientist. Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!" And sent him off to distant jungles. Camped on a tropic riverside, One day he missed his loving bride. She had, the guide informed him later, Been eaten by an alligator. Professor Twist could not but smile. "You mean," he said, "a crocodile." --Ogden Nash (1902—1971) American writer of humorous poetry. ^ From the Blue Earth (Minn.) Faribault County Register. About 18,000 deer in the state will take part in a postcard survey asking them to report information about wild turkey sightings while hunting. --_New Yorker_ (magazine) [24 December 2007] ^ Antiphanes said merrily that in a certain city the cold was so intense that words were congealed as soon as spoken, but that after some time they thawed and became audible; so that the words spoken in winter were articulated next summer. --Plutarch (A.D. 46?—119?) Greek philosopher and biographer. Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless. --Monty Python [TV show] Please mother, Don't stab father with the bread knife. Remember, twas a gift when you were wed. But mother, if you must stab father with the bread knife, Please Mother, use another, For the bread. --Robert William Service (1874—1958) British poet. - "Slithergadee" by Shel Silverstein (1930-1999) Ameican poet and songwriter. The Slithergadee has crawled out of the sea. He may catch all the others, but he won't catch me. No you won't catch me, old Slithergadee, You may catch all the others, but you wo------- - No matter how you slice it, it's still baloney. --Alfred E. Smith (1873—1944) American politician; four-time Democratic governor of New York and the first Roman Catholic to run for President of the U.S.. _Campaign speeches_ [1936] Nothing that you will learn in the course of your studies will be of the slightest possible use to you in after life — save only this — that if you work hard and intelligently you should be able to detect *when a man is talking rot,* and that, in my view, is the main, if not the sole, purpose of education. --John Alexander Smith (1863—1939) English philosopher. In Harold Macmillan "Oxford Remembered" _The Times_ [18 October 1975]. He burned his bridges while they were changing horses in midstream. --Stanley Walker "The Uncanny Knacks of Mr. Doherty" In the _New Yorker_ [12 July 1941]. "Sir Jasper Finch-Farrowmere?" said Wilfred. "finch-farrowmere," corrected the visitor, his sensitive ear detecting the capital letters. --P.G. [Pelham Grenville] Wodehouse (1881—1975) English humorist; American citizen from 1955. _Meet Mr. Mulliner_ [1927], "A Slice of Life" The importance of 'nonsense' can hardly be overstated. The more clearly we experience something as 'nonsense', the more clearly we are experiencing the boundaries of our own self-imposed cognitive structures. 'Nonsense' is that which does not fit into the pre-arranged patterns we have superimposed on reality. Nonsense is nonsense only when we have not yet formed the point of view from which it makes sense. --Gary Zukav _The Dancing Wu Li Masters_ - Uncle George and Auntie Mabel Fainted at the breakfast table. This should be sufficient warning: Never do it in the morning. Ovaltine will set you right, You can do it ev'ry night. Uncle George is hoping soon To do it in the afternoon. O what joys Aunt Mabel's seen With the help of Ovaltine. --To be sung to the tune of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing"— the verse itself supposedly of WW2 vintage. "Well, come along! I've got two spears, And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears; I've got besides two curling-stones, And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones." --"The Three Billy Goats Gruff", Norwegian folk tale If an eel lunges out, And it bites off your snout, That's a Moray . . . --anon. I was much distressed by the next door people who had twin babies and played the violin; but one of the twins died, and the other has eaten the fiddle — so all is peace. --anon. Australia: Where men are men and sheep are nervous. --anon. I have come to the conclusion Having given it a test, That of all my wife's relations, I like myself the best. --anon. There was an old man of Khartoum Who kept a tame sheep in his room, "To remind me," he said, "Of someone who's dead, But I never can recollect whom." --anon. A remarkable baker was Hartz. His life imitated his arts. For every last son Was a fruitcake (each one); While his daughters were tasty young tarts. --anon. A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis Wished to foster an aura of menace; To make people afraid He wore gloves of grey suede And white footgear intended for tennis. --anon. see "LIMERICKS" for more 'Tis dog's delight to bark and bite And little birds to sing, And if you sit on a red-hot brick It's a sign of an early spring. --anon. Llewelyn Peter James McGuire, Touched a live electric wire; Back on his heels it sent him rocking — his language (like the wire) was shocking. --anon. Today is Today, and Tomorrow is Today that was Yesterday, but Yesterday is not Today, and Tomorrow will not be Today until Tomorrow. Even so, Yesterday was Tomorrow two days ago, and Yesterday was Today twenty-four hours ago, and was Tomorrow Yesterday, and Yesterday is Today Tomorrow. --anon. Mary had a little lamb, A lobster and some prunes, A glass of wine, a piece of pie A plate of macaroons. She gobbled up a sponge cake, And what else we don't know. But when they carried Mary out Her face was white as snow. --anon. see "NURSERY RHYMES" ----- balderdash (noun) ['bal-dêr-dæsh] A jumbled mix of meaningless words; malarkey; hog-wash; bunkum blarney (noun) ['blahr-nee] Empty words, double-talk, fabrication, nonsense. Etymology: An eponym from Blarney Village just outside the city of Cork, Ireland. The world famous Blarney Stone is perched high up in the battlements of Blarney Castle there. blether (verb) ['ble-dhêr] To jabber blether (nonsense); to blabber nonsensically. flummery [FLUM-uh-ree], noun: 1. A name given to various sweet dishes made with milk, eggs, flour, etc. 2. Empty compliment; unsubstantial talk or writing; mumbo jumbo; nonsense. maunder [MON-dur], intransitive verb: 1. To talk incoherently; to speak in a rambling manner. 2. To wander aimlessly or confusedly. Two drunken couples... maunder in an all-too-familiar vein about love. --Anatole Broyard, "New York Times" [15 April 1981]   NORTH DAKOTA . . see "PLACES" for related links North Dakota is a doomed state. In twenty years it will revert to the Indian and the buffalo. We must be moving on. --an early settler, quoted in Frank P. Stockbridge "The North Dakota Man Crop" _World's Work_ magazine [November 1912]. - Someone must have told me about the Missouri River at Bismarck, North Dakota, or I must have read about it. In either case, I hadn't paid attention. I came on it in amazement. . . . Here is the boundary between east and west. On the Bismarck side it is eastern landscape, eastern grass, with the look and smell of eastern America. Across the Missouri on the Mandan side, it is pure west, with brown grass and water scorings and small outcrops. The two sides of the river might be a thousand miles apart. --John Steinbeck (1902—1968) American novelist. _Travels With Charley_ [1962] Presently I saw a man leaning on a two-strand barbed-wire fence, the wires fixed not to posts but to crooked tree limbs stuck in the ground. The man wore a dark hat, and jeans and long jacket washed palest blue, with lighter places at knees and elbows. His pale eyes were frosted with sun glare and his lips scaly as snakeskin. A .22 rifle leaned against the fence beside him and on the ground lay a little heap of fur and feathers — rabbits and small birds. I pulled up to speak to him, saw his eyes wash over Rocinante, sweep up the details, and then retire into their sockets. And I found I had nothing to say to him. The 'Looks like an early winter' or 'Any good fishing hereabouts?' didn't seem to apply. And so we simply brooded at each other. 'Afternoon!' 'Yes, sir,' he said. 'Any place nearby where I can buy some eggs?' 'Not real close by 'less you want to go as far as Galva or up to Beach.' 'I was set for some scratch-hen eggs.' 'Powdered,' he said. 'My Mrs gets powdered.' 'Lived here long?' 'Yep.' I waited for him to ask something or to say something so we could go on, but he didn't. And as the silence continued, it became more and more impossible to think of something to say. I made one more try. 'Does it get very cold here winters?' 'Fairly.' 'You talk too much.' He grinned. 'That's what my Mrs says.' 'So long,' I said, and put the car in gear and moved along. And in my rear-view mirror I couldn't see that he looked after me. He may not be a typical Badlander, but he's one of the few I caught. --John Steinbeck (1902—1968) American novelist. _Travels With Charley_ [1962] - ;void(0)) NOSE . . see: "THE BODY" - As clear and as manifest as the nose in a man's face. --Robert Burton (1577—1640) English scholar, cleric, and author. _The Anatomy of Melacholy_ [1621—1651], pt. III, sec. III or: Plain as the nose on a man's face. --Miguel de Cervantes (1547—1616) Spanish novelist. - In cleaning the nose, the rules of cleanliness and decency should be exactly followed, always turning a little to one side, and making use of a handkerchief. --St. John Baptiste De La Salle (1651—1719) French educational reformer and father of modern pedagogy. Hold their noses to grindstone. --John Heywood (1497—1580) English playwright. _Proverbs_ [1546] ^^ John Pierpont Morgan, Sr. (1837—1913) American banker, financier, and benefactor of the arts. Morgan's nose was disfigured by a skin disease that made it swollen and fiery. People, while pretending politely not to notice anything extraordinary, were nonetheless mesmerized by it. There is the story of the nervous hostess at the tea table , who inquired, "Do you take nose in your tea, Mr. Morgan?" ^^ A gentleman with a pug nose is a contradiction in terms. --Edgar Allan Poe (1809—1849) American poet and short-story writer. Plain as a nose in a man's face. --François Rabelais (c. 1494— c. 1553] French humanist, satirist, and physician. _Gargantua and Pantagruel_ [1552] bk. 5 A large nose is in fact the sign of an affable man, good, courteous, witty, liberal, courageous, such as I am. --Edmond Rostand (1868—1918) French dramatist. _Cyrano de Bergerac_ [1897] My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool. --Jonathan Swift (1667—1745) Anglo-Irish poet and satirist. A horse that wins by a nose, receives ten times the prize money of a horse that loses by a nose. Little things mean a lot. --Brian Tracy Canadian-born American motivational author. There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. --Oscar Wilde (1854—1900) Anglo-Irish dramatist and poet. - There was a young man from Kent, Whose nose was terribly bent. Some days, I suppose, He would follow his nose, And no one would know where he went. --anon. ----- olfaction, n. The faculty of perceiving odors; sense of smell. fetid [FET-id; FEE-tid], adjective: Having an offensive smell; stinking. Ex.: He grew up between the river and the vineyard- covered slopes, between the fetid smell of the tannery and the fine aroma of crushed grapes. --Patrice Debré _Louis Pasteur_ (translated by Elborg Forster) rhinorrhea (noun) [rI-nê-'ree-ê] A runny nose. . . see: "GOOD OLD DAYS" see "MEMORIES" for related links see: "HISTORY" see: "PAST (THE)" see: "TRADITION" Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. --Marcus Tullius Cicero (106—43 BC) Roman orator and statesman. Can anybody remember when times were not hard and money not scarce? --Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803—1882) American philosopher and poet. _Society and Solitude_ [1870] "Works and Days" That sign of old age, extolling the past at the expense of the present. --Sydney Smith (1771—1845) English clergyman and essayist, in 1802 cofounded "The Edinburgh Review." _Lady Holland's Memoir_ [1855] Nostalgia is like an anesthetic; you experience no pain, only a beautiful haze. When you grow older, what matters is not the way it was, but the way you remember it. --Roger and Natalie Whittaker _So Far, So Good_ Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense and the past perfect. --anon. . . see: "FORGETFULNESS" see: "THOUGHTS" see: "WRITING" A man would do well to carry a pencil in his pocket and write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought are commonly the most valuable and should be secured because they seldom return. --Francis Bacon (1561—1626) English philosopher and essayist. In _Wisdom_, vol 38 [1962]. A notebook I carry around with me wherever I go. When it is full, I review it. Any quotation or thought worth preserving is copied out. --Eric Hoffer (1902—1983) American longshoreman, philosopher, and author who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1982. ----- evanescent [ev-uh-NES-uhnt], adjective: Liable to vanish or pass away like vapor; fleeting. Ex.: The Pen which gives. . . permanence to the evanescent thought of a moment. --Horace Smith, _Tin Trumpet_ ;void(0)) NOVEMBER . . see "TIME" for related links No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease, No comfortable feel in any member— No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees, No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,— November! --Thomas Hood (1799—1845) English poet and humorist. "No!" [1844] A tedious season they await Who hear November at the gate. --Alexander Pushkin (1799—1837) Russian poet. "Eugene Onegin" [1833] end page | NAME CALLING - NASTINESS | NATIONALISM - NATIVE AMERICANS | NATURE | NAVY - NEGLECT | NEIGHBORS/NEIGHBORHOOD - NEW YORK | NEW YORK CITY | NEWS - NEWSPEAK | NICE - NONCONFORMITY | NIXON YEARS | NONSENSE - NOVEMBER | NUCLEAR WAR - NURSERY RHYMES | OBESITY - OBSTACLES | OBSTINACY - OKLAHOMA | OLD - OLD AGE | OLD-FASHIONED - OPERA | OPINION | OPPORTUNITY - ORGANIZATION | ORIGINALITY - OYSTERS | | H | I - J | K - L | M | N - O | P - Q | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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