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MEN
MEN & WOMEN --- MEN v. WOMEN

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MEN

see "THE HUMAN RACE" for related links


Most men are bad.
--Bias (c. 6th cent. B.C.)
Greek politician of Priene; considered one
of the Seven Sages of Greece.

No man is ever old enough to know better.
--Holbrook Jackson (1874—1948)
British journalist, writer, and publisher.

Men are the greatest, and noblest, and wisest,
and best beings in the whole vast universe.
Any man will tell you that.
--Jerome K Jerome (1859—1927)
English novelist and playwright.

Men are so honest
So thoroughly square
Eternally noble
Historically fair
--Alan Jay Lerner (1918-1986)
American playwright and lyricist.
"A Hymn To Him" (song) "My Fair Lady"

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one
thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die sooner.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.
_A Mencken Chrestomathy_ [1949]

There are three classes of men--lovers of
wisdom, lovers of honor, lovers of gain.
--Plato (427?—347 B.C.)
Greek philosopher.
_The Republic_

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever.
--William Shakespeare (1564—1616)
English dramatist.
_Much Ado About Nothing_ [1598—1599]




MEN & WOMEN

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see: "LOVE & MARRIAGE (OR NOT)" for related links
see "THE HUMAN RACE" for related links


In the new code of laws which I suppose it will be necessary
for you to make I would desire you remember the ladies, and
be more generous and favorable to them than your ancestors.
Do not put such unlimited power into the hands of the husbands.
Remember all men would be tyrants if they could.
--Abigail Adams (1744—1818)
American first lady [1797—1801], the wife of
John Adams, second president of the United
States, and the mother of John Quincy Adams,
the sixth president of the United States.
Letter to John Adams [31 March 1776]

I must not write a word to you about politics,
because you are a woman.
--John Adams (1735—1826)
First VP and second President of the United States.
Letter to his wife, Abigail Adams.

Debate is masculine; conversation feminine.
--[Amos] Bronson Alcott (1799—1888)
American philosopher, teacher, and reformer;
father of Louisa May Alcott.

When women are the advisers, the lords of creation
don't take the advice until they have persuaded
themselves that it is just what they intended to do;
then they act upon it, and if it succeeds, they give
the weaker vessel half the credit of it; if it
fails, they generously give her the whole.
--Louisa May Alcott (1832—1888)
American novelist; daughter of Amos Bronson Alcott.
_Little Women_ [1868], Part II

In societies where men are truly confident of their own
worth, women are not merely tolerated but valued.
--Aung San Suu Kyi (1945— )
Burmese political leader.
Videotape speech at NGO Forum on women;
China [September 1995].

If you are flattering a woman, it pays to be a little more subtle.
You don't have to bother with men, they believe any compliment
automatically.
--Alan Ayckbourn (1939— )
English dramatist.
_Round and Round the Garden_ [1975]

Except for the American woman, nothing interests
the eye of the American man more than an
automobile, or seems so important to him as an
object of aesthetic appreciation.
--Alfred Hamilton Barr Jr. (1902—1981)
American art historian.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has
wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect
that she is growing older every minute. You are
avenged 1440 times a day.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842—1914)
American newspaperman, wit, and satirist.
_The Cynic's Word Book_ [1906]
{Retitled in 1911 as _The Devil's Dictionary_}.

Women deprived of the company of men pine, men
deprived of the company of women become stupid.
--Anton Chekhov (1860—1904)
Russian dramatist and short-story wrriter.
_Notebooks_ [1921]

When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty,
it isn't her youth he is seeking but his own.
--Lenore Coffee (1897—1984)
American screenwriter.
_Storyline; Recollections of a Hollywood Screenwriter_ [1973]

A man enjoys the happiness he feels, a woman
the happiness she gives.
--Pierre Choderlos de Laclos (1741—1803)
French soldier and writer.
Les Liaisons dangereuses [1782]

In the sex-war, thoughtlessness is the weapon
of the male, vindictiveness of the female.
--Cyril Connolly (1903—1974)
English writer.
_The Unquiet Grave_ [1944]

The man's desire is for the woman; but the women's
desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man.
--Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772—1834)
English poet, critic, and philosopher.
_Table Talk_ [1835] "23 July 1827"

Women suffer more from disappointment than men,
because they have more of faith and are naturally
more credulous.
--Marguerite de Valois (1553—1615)
Queen of France and Navarre.

Men's minds are raised to the level of the
women with whom they associate.
--Alexandre Dumas (1802—1870)
French novelist and dramatist.

Basically, women have to prove they are strong at all
times. And then when they go on the attack, they have
to not appear mean because those women often get
the label of being catty.
--Julie Nixon Eisenhower (1948— )
Daughter of Richard and Pat Nixon and author.

"Charm" - which means the power to effect work
without employing brute force — is indispensable to
women. Charm is a woman's strength just as
strength is a man's charm.
--Havelock Ellis (1859—1939)
English essayist and psychologist.
_The Task of Social Hygiene_, p. 81 [1912].

Man may content himself with the applause of
the world and the homage paid to his intellect;
but woman's heart has holier idols.
--Augusta Jane Evans (1835—1909)
American novelist.
_Beulah_ [1860]

Never try to impress a woman! Because if you
do she'll expect you to keep up to the standard
for the rest of your life. And the pace, my
friends, is devastating.
--W. C. Fields [William Claude Dukenfield]
(1880—1946) American vaudeville star and film actor.
_Fields for President_ [1939]

If thou wouldst please the ladies, thou
must endeavor to make them pleased
with themselves.
--Thomas Fuller (1654—1734)
English writer and physician.

-

Behind every man who achieves success
Stand a mother, a wife, and the IRS.
--Ethel Jacobson,
quoted in "Reader's Digest" [April 1973].

& see:

We in the industry know that behind every
successful screenwriter stands a woman.
And behind her stands his wife.
--Groucho [Julius Henry] Marx (1895—1977)
American film comedian.

& see:

Behind every successful man stands a
surprised mother-in-law.
--Hubert H. Humphrey (1911—1978)
38th vice-president of the United States
[1965—1969] and liberal senator [1949-1965
& 1971—1978].
{1964 speech.}

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A man is in general better pleased when he has
a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife
talks Greek.
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.
In John Hawkins (ed.) _The Works of Samuel Johnson_ [1787]
"Apophthegms, Sentiments, Opinions, etc."

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The silliest woman can manage a clever man;
but it needs a very clever woman to manage
a fool!
--Rudyard Kipling (1865—1936)
English writer and poet.
_Plain Tales from the Hills_ [1888]


'Tisn't beauty, so to speak, nor good talk
necessarily. It's just It. Some women stay
in a man's memory if they once walked
down a street.
--Rudyard Kipling (1865—1936)
English writer and poet.

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Perhaps you have to be born an Englishwoman to realize how
much attention American men shower on women and how
tremendously considerate all the nice ones among them are
of a woman's wishes.
--Gertrude Lawrence (1898—1952)
English stage actress.
_A Star Danced_ [1945]

Women who insist upon having the same options as
men would do well to consider the option of being the
strong, silent type.
--Fran Lebowitz (1946— )
American humorist.

Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
--Alan Jay Lerner (1918—1986)
American playwright and lyricist.
"A Hymn to Him" [1956 song]

I think men talk to women so that they can
sleep with them and women sleep with men
so that they can talk to them.
--Jay McInerney (1955— )
American writer.
"Brightness Falls" [1992]

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Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman
is always looking for someone to complain to.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.


A man loses his sense of direction after four
drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.

-

A study in the Washington Post says that women
have better verbal skills than men. I just want
to say to the authors of that study: Duh.
--Conan O'Brien (1963— )
American TV personality.

Some women want the strong silent type, so they can
tell him to shut up and rearrange the furniture.
--P.J. O'Rourke (1947— )
American political satirist.

Teenage boys, goaded by their surging hormones run in packs
like the primal horde. They have only a brief season of exhilarating
liberty between control by their mothers and control by their wives.
--Camille Paglia (1947— )
American writer and social critic.

Women's reason is practical and makes them very skillful
at finding means for getting at a known end, but not at
finding that end itself. The social relationship of the
sexes is an admirable thing. This partnership produces
a moral person of which the woman is the eye and the
man is the arm, but they have such a dependence upon
one another that the woman learns from the man what
must be seen and the man learns from the woman what
must be done. If woman could ascend to general principles
as well as a man can, and if a man had as good a mind for
detail as woman does, they would always be independent
of one another, they would live in eternal discord, and their
partnership could not exist. But in the harmony which reigns
between them, everything tends to a common end; they do
not know who contributes more. Each follows the prompting
of the other; each obeys, and both are masters.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712—1778)
French philosopher and novelist.
_Emile_ Bk. V [1762], tr. Allan Bloom

Woman once made equal to man becomes his superior.
--Socrates (470?—399 B.C.)
Greek philosopher.

Women are not going to be equal outside
the home until men are equal in it.
--Gloria Steinem (1934— )
American feminist, jounalist, and founder of "Ms." magazine.

Men come of age at sixty, women at fifteen.
--James Stephens (1882—1950)
Irish poet and storyteller.
In "Observer" [10 October 1944].

The man that lays his hand on woman,
Save in the way of kindness, is a wretch
Whom 'twere gross flattery to name a coward.
--John Tobin (1770—1804)
English dramatist.
_The Honey Moon_ [1805] , act II, sc. 1

-

When women go wrong, men go
right after them.
--Mae West (1893—1980)
American stage and film actress.
"She Done Him Wrong" [1933 film]


I only like two kinds of men:
domestic and foreign.
--attributed to Mae West (1892—1980)
American stage and film actress.

-

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a
cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in
order to impress our girlfriends.
--Orson Welles (1915—1985)
American motion-picture actor, director, producer, and writer.

The main difference between men and women is
that men are lunatics and women are idiots.
--Dame Rebecca West [Cecily Isabel Fairfiield]
(1892—1983)
British-Irish journalist, novelist, and critic.

The dream of the American male is for a female
who has an essential languor which is not laziness,
who is unaccompanied except by himself, and who
does not let him down. He desires a beautiful, but
comprehensible, creature who does not destroy a
perfect situation by forming a complete sentence.
--E.B. [Elwyn Brooks] White (1899—1985)
American essayist and literary stylist.
"Notes of our Times," [1954]
_The Second Tree from the Corner_

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philogynist (noun)
A person who likes or admire women



MEN v. WOMEN

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.

see "THE HUMAN RACE" for related links


I trust only one thing in a woman: that she will not
come to life again after she is dead. In all other
things I distrust her.
--Antiphanes (fl. early 4th cent. B.C.)
Greek comic poet.

These impossible women! How they do get around us!
The poet was right: can't live with them, or without them!
--Aristophanes (c. 450—c. 388 BC)
Greek comic dramatist.
_Lysistrata_

I married beneath me. All woman do.
--Lady Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor
(1879—1964)
American-born, first woman to take a seat in the British House of Commons.
Quoted in Marjorie P. Weiser and Jean S. Arbeiter _Womanlist_ [1981].

Women ought to be quiet. When people are talking,
they ought to retire to the kitchen.
--W.H. [Wystan Hugh] Auden (1907—1973)
English-born poet and man of letters.
_Table Talk_ [1947]

A wife told her husband, "Be an angel and let me drive,'
He did and he is.
--Milton Berle (Milton Berlinger) (1908—2002)
American comedian.

Why is it the The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations
bulges with quotations by men.....when women
(as men are the first to point out) do all the
talking?
--Peg Bracken (1918—2007)
American humorist.

There will always be a battle between the sexes because
men and women want different things. Men want women
and women want men.
--George Burns [Nathan Birnbaum] (1896—1996)
American comedian.

They ought to mind home — and be well fed and
clothed — but not mixed in society. Well educated,
too, in religion — but to read neither poetry or
politics — nothing but books of piety and cookery.
Music — drawing — dancing — also a little gardening
and plowing now and then. I have seen them
mending the roads in Epirus with good success.
Why not, as well hay-making and milking?
--Lord Byron [George Gordon Byron] (1788—1824)
English Romantic poet and satirist.
In Arthur Schopenhauer
"Studies in Pessimism: On Women" in
_Essays of Arthur Schopenhauer_, tr. T. Bailey Saunders.

The only position for women in SNCC is prone.
--Stokely Carmichael (1941—1998)
American Black Power leader.
Response to a question about the position of women
at a Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee
conference [November 1964] - ODTQ.)

Certain women should be struck
regularly, like gongs.
--Noël Coward (1899—1973)
English playwright, actor, and composer.
_Private Lives_, 3, [1930]

You can usually scare a certain amount of brains into
a woman but usually you can't make them stick.
--F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896—1940)
American novelist.
"The Note-Books" _The Cracked Up_ (ed.) Edmund Wilson [1945]

Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relations
with men, in their relations with women, all men are rapists,
and that's all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their
laws, and their codes.
--Marilyn French (1929— )
American writer.
_The Women's Room_ [1977]

The comfortable estate of widowhood is the only
hope that keeps up a wife's spirits.
--John Gay (1685—1732)
English poet and dramatist.

In all the woes that curse our race
There is a lady in the case.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836—1911)
English writer of comic and satirical verse.
"Fallen Fairies" [1866]

Women are hard enough to handle now without
giving them a gun!
--Barry Goldwater (1909—1998)
American conservative politician.
(On women in the military.)

All women, as authors, are feeble and tiresome. I
wish they were forbidden to write, on pain of having
their faces deeply scarified with an oyster shell.
--Nathaniel Hawthorne (1804—1864)
American novelist and short-story writer.
Letter to his publisher [1852].

Her world is her husband, her family, her children
and her home. We do not find it right when a
woman presses into the world of the man.
--Adolf Hitler (1889—1945)
German dictator.
In Lucy Komisar _The New Feminism_ [1971], ch. 10.

Women in State affairs are like Monkeys in Glass shops.
--James Howell (1593—1666)
British writer.
Comp., "English"

God became a man, granted.
The devil became a woman.
--Victor Hugo (1802—1885)
French poet, dramatist, and novelist.
_Ruy Blas_ [1838], act II, sc. V

-

I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their
beauty, I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity,
and I like their silence.
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.


She was so glad to see me go, that I have almost a mind to
come again, that she may again have the same pleasure.
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.


A woman's preaching is like a dog walking on
his hinder legs. It is not done well; but you
are surprised to find it done at all.
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.
In James Boswell _Life of Samuel Johnson_ [1791] "31 July 1763."

-

A man's foremost interest should be his work. But for
a woman — man *is* her work and her business. Yes,
I know it sounds like a convenient philosophy of the
selfish male when I say that. But marriage means a
home And home is like a nest — not enough rooms for
both birds at once. One sits inside, the other perches
on the edge and looks about and attends to all outside
business.
--Carl Gustav Jung (1875—1961)
Swiss psychologist.
"Men, Women, and God" [25-29 April 1955]
_C.G. Jung Speaking: Interviews and Encounters_
ed. William McGuire and R.F.C. Hull [1977]

A: Do you believe in clubs for women?
B: Only if every other form of persuasion fails.
--Max Kauffmann

There is a large number of women whose brains are closer in size
to the gorillas than to the most developed male brains. This
inferiority is so obvious that no one can contest it for a
moment; only its degree is worth discussion. All psychologists
who have studied the intelligence of women . . . recognize today
that they represent the most inferior forms of human evolution,
and that they are closer to children and savages than to an
adult, civilized man.
--Gustave Le Bon (1841—1931)
French social psychologist best known for his study
of the psychological characteristics of crowds.
_Revue d'Anthropologie_ [1879]

Prince of Wales: I've spent enough on you to buy a
battleship.
Lillie Langtry: And you've spent enough *in* me to
float one.

Men have broad and large chests, and small narrow hips,
and more understanding than women, who have but
small and narrow breasts, and broad hips, to the end
they should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and
bear and bring up children.
--Martin Luther (1483—1546)
German Protestant theologian.
_Table Talk_ #725 [1566], tr. William Hazlitt

I'm still looking for a man who could
excite me as much as a baked potato.
--Laura Flynn McCarthy

A man who teaches women letters feeds more
poison to a frightful asp.
--Menander (343?—291 B.C.)
Greek dramatist.
_Fragments_

-

Men have a much better time of it than women. For one
thing, they marry later. For another thing, they die
earlier.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.


Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman
is always looking for someone to complain to.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.
_The New York Evening Mail_ [15-16 Nov. 1917]

-

Equality for women? That is madness. Women are our
property; we are not theirs. They give us children. . .
and belong to us as the fruit-bearing tree belongs to
the gardener.
--Napoleon I (1769—1821)
Emperor of France [1804—1815].
_In the Words of Napoleon_ p. 104,
tr. Daniel Savage Gray [1977]

Men are nicotine-soaked, beer-besmirched,
whisky-greased, red-eyed devils.
--Carry Nation (Carry Amelia Nation, nèe Moore)
[1846—1911]
American temperance advocate.

Women want to be a lot of things traditionally considered
masculine: Doctors, rock stars, body builders, presidents
of the U.S. But there are plenty of masculine things women
have, so far, shown no desire to be: Pipe smokers, wise
old drunks, quiet.
--P.J. O'Rourke (1947— )
American political satirist.
_Modern Manners_ [1983]

All the pursuits of men are the pursuits of women also,
but in all of them a woman is inferior to a man.
--Plato (427?—347 B.C.)
Greek philosopher.
_The Republic_, 5.455, tr. Benjamin Jowett [1894]

There is a good principle which created order, light, and man,
and an evil principle which created chaos, darkness, and
woman.
--Pythagoras (582—486 B.C.)
Ionian mathematician and philosopher.

The man should be strong and active; the woman should be weak
and passive; the one must have both the power and the will; it
is enough that the other should offer little resistance.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712—1778)
French philosopher and novelist.
_Emile; or, Treatise on Education_ [1762]

Learned women are ridiculed because they
put to shame unlearned men.
--George Sand [pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin] (1804—1876)
French author.

Biologically and tempermentally, I believe women were made
to be concerned first and foremost with child care, husband
care and home care.
--Benjamin Spock (1903—1998)
American pediatrician.
In Barbara Sinclair Deckard
_The Women's Movement: Political, Socioeconomic, and Psychological Issues_ [1979].

A woman without a man is like a fish
without a bicycle.
--attributed to Gloria Steinem (1934— )
American feminist, jounalist, and founder of "Ms." magazine.

There is, of course, no reason for the existence of
the male sex except that sometimes one needs
help with moving the piano.
--Dame Rebecca West [Cecily Isabel Fairfiield]
(1892—1983)
British-Irish journalist, novelist, and critic.
In "Sunday Telegraph" [28 June 1970].

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men
to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not
difficult.
--Charlotte Whitton (1896—1975)
Canadian writer and politician.
"Canada Month" [June 1963]

The true male never yet walked
Who liked to listen when his mate talked.
--Anna Wickham [Edith Alice Mary Harper] (1884—1947)
British poet.

Women have served all these centuries as looking-glasses,
possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the
figure of man at twice its natural size.
--Virginia Woolf (1882—1941)
English novelist.
_A Room of One's Own_ [1929]

-

Women! You can't live with 'em. Pass the beernuts.
--dialogue, "Cheers" {TV show}
[George Wendt as Norm Peterson]

-

Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and
intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age
until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
--anon.

We men have many faults:
Poor women have but two —
There's nothing good they say,
There's nothing good they do.
--anon.
"On Women's Faults" [1727]

-

THE GUINNESS BOOK OF FEMALE WORLD RECORDS

Car Parking:

The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a
woman was one of 19.36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three
standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving
an unmodified Vauxhall Nova 'Swing' on 12th October 1993.

She started the manoeuvre at 11:15am in Ropergate, Pontefract,
and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8
hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers
and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop
frontage and two lampposts.


Incorrect Driving:

The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one
of 504 km (313miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie
Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987.

Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird
but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear
wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and the right
indicator flashing.


Shop Dithering:

The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days
between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra
Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins.
Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could
not choose between two near identical dresses which were
both in the sale.

After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the
changing room with his head in his hands, told her to
buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought one for 12.99,
only to return the next day and exchange it for the
other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks
also holds the record for window shopping longevity,
when, starting September 12th 1995, she stood motionless
gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in
Kidderminster for 3 weeks two days before eventually
going home.


Jumble Sale Massacre:

The greatest number of old ladies to perish whilst fighting
at a jumble sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in
Castleford, West Yorkshire on February 12th 1991.

When the doors opened at 10:00 am, the initial scramble
to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in a crush
at the first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over
a pinafore dress costing 10p which escalated into a full
scale melee resulting in another 18 lives being lost. A
pitched battle over a headscarf then ensued and quickly
spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The
jumble sale raised £5.28 for local boy scouts.


Talking about Nothing:

Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat
in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancaster and talked about nothing
whatsoever for three and a half months from 1st May to 7th
August 1978, pausing only for tea, cakes and toilet visits.
Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and
neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever.

The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs.
Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth (GB)
of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January
1984 chuntered on over their fence in an unenlightening
dialogue lasting almost 62 days until Mrs. Booth remembered
she'd left the bath running.


Gossiping:

On February 18th 1992, Joyce Blatherwick, a close friend
of Agnes Banbury popped round for a cup of tea and a chat,
during the course of which she told Mrs. Banbury, in the
strictest confidence, that she was having an affair with
the butcher.

After Mrs. Blatherwick left at 2:10pm, Mrs.Banbury immediately
began to tell everyone, swearing them all to secrecy. By 2:30pm,
she had told 128 people of the news. By 2:50pm it had risen to
372 and by 4"00pm that afternoon, 2774 knew of the affair,
including the local Amateur dramatic Society, several knitting
circles, a coach load of American tourists which she flagged
down, and the butchers wife. When a tired Mrs. Banbury went to
bed at 11:55pm that night, Mrs. Blatherwick's affair was common
knowledge to a staggering 75,338 people, enough to fill Wembley
Stadium.


Group Toilet Visit:

The record for the largest group of women to visit a toilet
simultaneously is held by 147 workers at the Department of
Social Security, Longbenton. At their annual Christmas
celebration at a night club in Newcastle-Upon-Tyne on
October 12th 1994, Mrs. Beryl Crabtree got up to go to
the toilet and was immediately followed by 146 other
members of the party. Moving as a mass, the group entered
the toilet at 9.52pm and, after waiting for everyone to
finish, emerged 2 hrs 37 mins later.


Film Confusion:

The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film
with her husband without asking a stupid plot-related
question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs.
Ethel Brunswick sat down with her husband to watch
'The Ipcress File'.

She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs
before asking "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the
glasses?" revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This
broke her own record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins
38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking, "Is this a war film,
is it?"


Single Breath Sentence:

An Oxfordshire woman today became the first ever to break
the thirty minute barrier for talking without drawing breath.

Mrs. Mavis Sommers, 48, of Cowley, smashed the previous
record of 23 minutes when she excitedly reported an argument
she'd had in the butchers to her neighbour. She ranted on
for a staggering 32 minutes and 12 seconds without pausing
for air, before going blue and collapsing in a heap on the
ground. She was taken to Radcliffe Infirmary in a wheelbarrow
but was released later after check-ups.

At the peak of her mammoth motormouth marathon, she achieved
an unbelievable 680 words per minute, repeating the main points
of the story an amazing 114 times whilst her neighbour, Mrs.
Dolly Knowles, nodded and tutted. The last third of the sentence
was delivered in a barely audible croak, the last two minutes
being mouthed only, accompanied by vigorous gesticulations and
indignant spasms.


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| MACARTHUR (DOUGLAS) - MALICE | MAN - MARINES | MARRIAGE | MARTYRS - MAUGHAM (WILLIAM SOMERSET) | MAXIMS - MEANNESS | MEDICINE - MEMORIAL DAY | MEMORIES - MEMORY | MEN - MEN v. WOMEN | MENTAL ILLNESS - MILK | MIND (THE) - MISERY | MISFORTUNE - MISSOURI | MISTAKES | MISTAKEN IDENTITY - MODESTY | MONEY | MONROE - MOON | MORAL ASSASINATION - MORALITY | MORNING - MOUNTAINS | MOVIE DIALOGUE - MUSHROOMS | MUSIC - MYTHOLOGY |
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