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. . . MARTYRS see: "KILLING" see: "MURDER" see: "RELIGION" see: "SACRIFICE" see: "SUICIDE" see: "BELIEF" for other related links To die for a religion is easier than to live it absolutely. --Jorge Luis Borges (18991986) Argentinian writer. "Deutsches Requiem" [1946] It is more difficult, and calls for higher energies of soul, to live a martyr than to die one. --Horace Mann (17961859) American educator. _Thoughts: Selected from the Writings of Horace Mann_ [1867] The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr. --Muhammad (A.D. 570?632) Prophet to whom the religion of Islam was revealed. Attributed in "The Index" (weekly paper) [Boston, Mass., 2 April 1874]. Men never do evil so fully and cheerfully as when they do it out of conscience. --Blaise Pascal (16231662) French mathematician, physicist, and moralist. _Pensιes_ [1670] Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief. --Arthur Schnitzler (18621931) Austrian doctor, playwright, and novelist. _Buch der Spruche und Bedenken_ [1927] Martyrdom ... the only way in which a man can become famous without ability. --George Bernard Shaw (18561950) Irish comic dramatist, literary critic, Socialist propagandist, and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1925 [he didn't accept it.] _The Devil's Disciple_ [1901] When a person stands ready to offer his life for another, he obviously knows what he's doing. I wouldn't have believed you capable of such a sacrifice, but you never know what a human being is capable of. Not that those who make the sacrifices are always saints. People sacrificed themselves for Stalin, for Petlura, for Machno, for every pogromist. Millions of fools will give their empty heads for Hitler. At times I think men go around with a candle looking for an opportunity to sacrifice themselves. --Isaac Bashevis Singer (19041991) Polish-American novelist who won the 1978 Nobel Prize for Literature. _Shosha_ [1978] A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. --Oscar Wilde (18541900) Anglo-Irish dramatist and poet. _The Portrait of Mr. W.H._, ch. 1 [1889] - Sadjita, who is about 5, piped up and said she wanted to be a martyr when she grows up. --"New York Times" [somewhere in the Middle East, 2003]  ;void(0)) MARX BROTHERS . . see: "MOVIES" see: "HUMOR" for other related links see: "PEOPLE" for other related links - [Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx):] I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. --"Duck Soup" [1933 film] Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby. Rufus T. Firefly (President of Fredonia) (Groucho): Not that I care, but where is your husband? Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont): Why, he's dead. Firefly: I'll bet he's just using that as an excuse. Mrs. Teasdale: I was with him till the very end. Firefly: Huh! No wonder he passed away. Mrs. Teasdale: I held him in my arms and kissed him. Firefly: Oh, I see. Then it was murder. Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first. Mrs. Teasdale: He left me his entire fortune. Firefly: Is that so? Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you? I love you. Mrs. Teasdale: Oh, your Excellency! Firefly: You're not so bad yourself. Mrs. Teasdale: Oh, I want to present to you Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania. Having him with us is indeed a great pleasure. Trentino (Louis Calhern): Thank you, but I can't stay very long. Firefly: That's even a greater pleasure. ... there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you. --"Duck Soup" [1933 film] Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby. - [Hammer (Groucho Marx):] I've been looking for a girl like you not you, but a girl *like* you. --adapted by Morrie Ryskind from a George S. Kaufman play. "Cocoanuts" [1929 film] - [Professor Wagstaff, (Groucho Marx) :] Baravelli, you've got the brain of four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. --"Horse Feathers" [1932] Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S.J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby. [Professor Wagstaff, (Groucho Marx) :] I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. --"Horse Feathers" [1932] Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S.J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby. Wagstaff (Groucho): Tomorrow we start tearing down the college. The Professors: But Professor. Where will the students sleep? Wagstaff: Where they always sleep. In the classroom. --"Horse Feathers" [1932] Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S.J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby. Baravelli (Chico): Who are you? Wagstaff (Groucho): I'm fine, thanks, who are you? Baravelli: I'm fine too, but you can't come in unless you give the password. Wagstaff: Well, what is the password? Baravelli: Aw, no! You gotta tell me. Hey, I tell what I do. I give you three guesses. It's the name of a fish. Wagstaff: Is it Mary? Baravelli: Ha-ha. That's-a no fish. Wagstaff: She isn't, well, she drinks like one. Let me see. Is it sturgeon? Baravelli: Hey you crazy! Sturgeon, he's a doctor cuts you open when-a you sick. Now I give you one more chance. Wagstaff: I got it! Haddock! Baravelli: That's-a funny. I gotta haddock, too. Wagstaff: What do you take for a haddock? Baravelli: Well-a, sometimes I take-a aspirin, sometimes I take-a Calamel. Wagstaff: Say, I'd walk a mile for a Calamel. Baravelli: You mean chocolate calamel. I like that too, but you no guess it. Hey, what's-a matter, you no understand English? You can't come in here unless you say "swordfish." Now I'll give you one more guess. Wagstaff: [To himself] Swordfish. Swordfish. [To Baravelli.] Wagstaff: I think I got it. Is it "swordfish"? Baravelli: Hah! That's-a it! You guess it! Wagstaff: Pretty good, eh? --"Horse Feathers" [1932] Screenplay by Will B. Johnstone, Bert Kalmar, S.J. Perelman, and Harry Ruby. - Henderson (Robert Emmett O'Connor): You live here all alone? Otis B. Driftwood (Groucho Marx): Yes. Just me and my memories. I'm practically a hermit. Henderson: Oh. A hermit. I notice the table's set for four. Otis B. Driftwood: That's nothing my alarm clock is set for eight. That doesn't prove a thing. --dialogue, A Night at the Opera [1935 film] Screenplay by George S. Kaufman & Morrie Ryskind. - Humor encompassed the entire Marx Brothers' family. "Because we were a kid act, we traveled at half-fare, despite the fact that we were all around twenty," Groucho once recalled. "Minnie [their mother] insisted we were thirteen ... "'That kid of yours is in the dining car smoking a cigar,' the conductor told her. 'And another one is in the washroom shaving.' Minnie shook her head sadly. 'They grow so fast!'" --unknown - . . see: "COMMUNISM" see: "PEOPLE" for other related links Marx and Freud are the two great destroyers of Christian civilization, the first replacing the gospel of love by the gospel of hate, the other undermining the essential concept of human responsibility. --Malcolm Muggeridge (19031990) British writer, broadcaster, and journalist. _My Life in Pictures_, p. 94 [1987] . . see: "THE HUMAN RACE" for related links The mass crushes beneath it everything that is different, everything that is excellent, individual, qualified, and select. Anybody who is not like everybody, who does not think like everybody, runs the risk of being eliminated. --Josι Ortega y Gasset (18831955) Spanish philosopher. _The Revolt of the Masses_ [1929] [W]hen we renounce the self and become part of a compact whole, we not only renounce personal advantage but are also rid of personal responsibility. There is no telling to what extremes of cruelty and ruthlessness a man will go when he is freed from the fears, hesitations, doubts and the vague stirrings of decency that go with individual judgement. When we lose our individual independence in the corporateness of a mass movement, we find a new freedom freedom to hate, bully, lie, torture, murder and betray without shame and remorse. Herein undoubtedly lies part of the attractiveness of a mass movement. --Eric Hoffer (19021983) American longshoreman, philosopher, and author who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1982. _The True Believer: Thoughts On The Nature Of Mass Movements _ [1951] The masses have never thirsted after truth. They turn aside from evidence that is not to their taste, preferring to deify error, if error seduce[s] them. Whoever can supply them with illusions is easily their master; whoever attempts to destroy their illusions is always their victim. --Gustave Le Bon (18411931) French social psychologist best known for his study of the psychological characteristics of crowds. _The Crowd: A Study of the Popular Mind_ [1895] The masses seem to me worthy of notice in only three respects: first as blurred copies of great men, produced on bad paper with worn plates, further as a resistance to the great, and finally as the tools of the great; beyond that, may the devil and statistics take them. --Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (18441900) German classical scholar, philosopher, and critic of culture. Attributed in Theodore M. Porter _The Rise of Statistical Thinking, 1820-1900_ [1988]. I can't help feeling wary when I hear anything said about the masses. First you take their faces from 'em by calling 'em the masses and then you accuse them of not having any faces. --J.B. [John Boynton] Priestley (18941984) English novelist, playwright and critic. _Saturn Over the Water_ [1961] ;void(0)) MATHEMATICALLY SPEAKING . . see: "NUMBERS" see: "STATISTICS" The answer to the great question of ... life, the universe and everything ... [is] forty-two. --Douglas Adams (19522001) British comic radio dramatist and author. _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, "Fit the Fourth" [1978 English radio program] The good Christian should beware of mathematicians, and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and confine man in the bonds of Hell. --Augustine, St. of Hippo (354430) Christian theologian and bishop of Hippo in Roman Africa [396430]. _De Genesi ad Litteram_, bk. II [When asked if he wanted his pizza sliced into four or eight slices:] Better make it four I don't think I can eat eight. --Yogi Berra (b. 1925) American baseball player and manager; elected to the Hall of Fame in 1972. Quoted in Dick Crouser _It's Unlucky to Be Behind at the End of the Game_ [1983]. ^^ Richard Burton (19251984) British stage and screen actor. During the filming of "The Assasination of Trotsky," Burton was playing a scene with French actor Alain Delon. Delon, as the nervous killer, was swinging an ice ax around; at one point the ax came dangerously close to Burton's head. 'You'd better be careful how you handle that ax,' cried Burton. 'There are plenty of French actors around, but if you kill me, there goes one-sixth of all the Welsh actors in the world.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^^ - Taking Three as the subject to reason about A convenient number to state We add Seven, and Ten, and then multiply out By One Thousand diminished by Eight. The result we proceed to divide, as you see, By Nine Hundred and Ninety and Two: Then subtract Seventeen, and the answer must be Exactly and perfectly true. The method employed I would gladly explain, While I have it so clear in my head, If I had but the time and you had but the brain But much yet remains to be said. --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (18321898) English writer and logician. "The Hunting of the Snark" [1872] "Can you do addition?" the White Queen asked. "What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?" "I don't know," said Alice. "I lost count." --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (18321898) English writer and logician. _Thorough the Looking-Glass_ [1872] - Three things too much, and three too little are pernicious to man: to speak much and know little; to spend much and have little; to presume much and be worth little. --Miguel de Cervantes (15471616) Spanish novelist. Quoted in Maturin M. Ballou _Treasury of Thought_, p. 258 [15th ed. 1894]. [Of the Orlando, FL. area:] Just because we've ruined ninety percent of everything doesn't mean we can't do wonderful things with the remaining ten percent! --Linda Chapin Former Orange County commissioner, quoted in "The Theme-Parking, Megachurching, Franchising, Exurbing, McMansioning of America" by T.D. Allman in _National Geographic_ [March 2007]. The three things most difficult are to keep a secret, to forget an injury, and to make good use of leisure. --Chilon (6th cent. B.C.) One of the Seven Sages of Greece. Attributed in "Herald of Truth" [Geneva, NY, 15 January 1836]. [On decimal points:] I never could make out what those damned dots meant. --Lord Randolph Churchill (18491894) British Conservative politician. In W.S. Churchill _Lord Randolph Churchill_ [1906]. I had a feeling once about mathematics that I saw it all. Depth beyond depth was revealed to me the Byss and the Abyss. I saw as one might see the transit of Venus or even the Lord Mayor's Show a quantity passing through infinity and changing its sign from plus to minus. I saw exactly why it happened and why tergiversation was inevitable but it was after dinner and I let it go. --Winston Churchill (18741965) British Conservative statesman and Prime Minister [1940-45, 1951-55]. _My Early Life_ [1930] Don't know much about geography, Don't know much trigonometry. Don't know much about algebra, don't know what a slide rule is for. But I know that one and one is two, And if this one could be with you, What a wonderful world this world this would be. --Sam Cooke (19311964) American R&B and pop singer. _Wonderful World_ [1959 song w/lyrics by Cooke, Herb Alpert and Lou Adler.] Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. --Albert Einstein (18791955) German-American physicist who developed the special and general theories of relativity. Attributed in Robert Byrne _The Fourth [...] 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said_ [1990]. ^ In 1968 at the Masters, Robert DiVicenzo finished tied for the lead with Bob Goalby. But his playing partner, Tommy Aaron, had accidentally given him a four on the 17th hole when he actually made a birdie three. DiVicenzo failed to notice the mistake, signed his card, and that became his official score, giving Goalby a one-shot victory. --John Feinstein (b. 1956) American sportswriter. _Open: Inside the Ropes at Bethpage Black_ [2003] ^ - Nine tenths of education is encouragement. --attributed to Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (18441924) French novelist, man of letters, and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1921. If 50 million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. --attributed to Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (18441924) French novelist, man of letters, and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1921. & see: If forty million people say a foolish thing it does not become a wise one, but the wise man is foolish to give them the lie. --W. Somerset Maugham (18741965) English novelist, playwright, and short-story writer. _A Writer's Notebook_ [1949] - Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it. --Robert Frost (18741963) American poet. Quoted in Herbert V. Prochnow _The New Speaker's Treasury of Wit and Wisdom_ [1958]. I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. --W. S. Gilbert (18361911) English writer of comic and satirical verse. _Pirates of Penzance_, act I [1879] [Response after being requested to agree to a salary cut from $20,000 to $7,500:] Tell you what, you keep the salary and pay me the cut. --Vernon (Lefty) Gomez (19081989) American major-league baseball player. Quoted in Colin Jarman _The Guinness Dictionary of Sports Quotations_ [1990]. The best number for a dinner party is two myself and a dam' good head waiter. --Nubar Gulbenkian (18961972) British industrialist and philanthropist. "Daily Telegraph" [14 January 1965] Don't believe the man who tells you there are two sides to every question. There is only one side to the truth. --William Peter Hamilton (18671929) Editor of _The Wall Street Journal_. Quoted in Michael Wolff _The Man Who Owns the News_ [2008]. - Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five. --Paul Harvey (19182009) American radio broadcaster. Quoted in Jack Mingo _Wannabe Guide to Golf_ [1997]. If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it will. --attributed to Paul Harvey (19182009) American radio broadcaster. - Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house. --Robert Heinlein (19071988) American science-fiction writer. _Time Enough for Love_ [1973] "Intermission" The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings. --Eric Hoffer (19021983) American longshoreman, philosopher, and author who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1982. _Reflections on the Human Condition_ [1973] Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them. --attributed to Lou Holtz (b. 1937) American football coach. ^ Benjamin Jowett (18171893) English classical scholar Jowett once submitted a matter to the vote of the dons of Balliol College. The result did not please him, he announced. 'The vote is twenty- two to two. I see we are deadlocked.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ Any woman who still thinks marriage is a fifty- fifty proposition is only proving that she doesn't understand either men or percentages. --attributed to Florynce R. Kennedy (19162001) American lawyer, feminist, and author. Quoted in Gloria Kaufman & Mary Kay Blakely (eds.) _Pulling Our Own Strings_ [1980]. One fifth of the people are against everything all the time. --Robert F. Kennedy (19251968) American Democratic politician. Attributed in Robert Andrews _The Routledge Dictionary of Quotations_, p. 213 [1987]. We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. --Jason Kidd (b. 1973) American professional basketball player. Attributed remark after being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks. Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. --Fran Lebowitz (b. 1946) American humorist. _Social Studies_ [1981], "Tips for Teens" ^ Abraham Lincoln (18091865) American statesman; 16th President of the United States [1861-65] In his legal practice Lincoln was never greedy for fees and discouraged unnecessary litigation. A man came to him in a passion, asking him to bring a suit for $2.50 against an impoverished debtor. Lincoln tried to dissuade him, but the man was determined upon revenge. When he saw that the creditor was not to be put off, Lincoln asked for and got $10 as his legal fee. He gave half of this to the defendant, who thereupon willingly confessed to the debt and paid up the $2.50, thus settling the matter to the entire satisfaction of the irate plaintiff. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --Jackie Mason [Yacov Moshe Moaza] (b. 1931) American ordained rabbi and stand-up comedian. Quoted in Robert Byrne _1911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said_ [1988]. ^^ Tatum O'Neal (b. 1963) American film actress, daughter of actor Ryan O'Neal. When fourteen-year-old Tatum O'Neal was making the film "International Velvet," a school inspector came to make sure that she was not falling behind in her studies. Noting that her math was not very good, he asked whether that did not bother her. The child star was unconcerned: "Oh, no, I'll have an accountant." --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^^ Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. --Dorothy Parker (18931967) American critic and humorist. "Inventory" [1926] In time of prosperity friends will be plenty. In time of adversity not one among twenty. --John Ray (16271705) English naturalist and botanist. _Comp., A Collection of English Proverbs_ p. 11 [1678] ^ Jackie Robinson (19191972) American baseball player. On the day of his first appearance with the Dodgers, Robinson kissed his wife good-bye at their hotel before setting out. 'If you come down to Ebbets Field today,' he said, 'you won't have any trouble recognizing me.' He paused for a moment, then added, "My number's forty-two.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ In love, one and one are one. --attributed to Jean-Paul Sartre (19051980) French philosopher, novelist, and dramatist; winner of the 1964 Nobel Prize for literature. One-tenth of the folks run the world. One-tenth watch them run it, and the other eighty percent don't know what the hell's going on. --attributed to Jake Simmons (19011981) American industrialist. [Sturgeon's Law:] Ninety percent of everything is crud. --Theodore Sturgeon (19181985) American science fiction author. "Venture Science Fiction" [March 1958] I have just had eighteen whiskeys in a row. I do believe that is a record. --Dylan Thomas (19141953) Welsh poet. At a bar in Greenwich Village, NYC. While these were not technically his last words, he died of alcoholic poisoning nine days later. The best years of a woman's life the ten years between 39 and 40. --attributed to Sophie Tucker (18841966) American vaudeville artist. - Too clever by half. --anon. & note: "My aunts say I'm too clever by half." "Glad tae hear it," said Rob Anybody, " 'cuz that's much better than bein' too stupid by three quarters!" --Terry Pratchett (b. 1948) English science fiction writer. _Wintersmith_ [2006] - In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. --John von Neumann (19031957) Hungarian-born American mathematician. In Gary Zukav _The Dancing Wu Li Masters_ [1979]. - Nearly four decades ago psychologist Stanley Milgram had a volunteer stand stock still on a busy New York sidewalk and look up at the sky. About one in every 25 passersby stopped to look up, too. When five volunteers were recruited to sky-gaze, nearly one in five passersby stopped to look up. When Milgram and his colleagues assembled a group of 18 volunteers to simultaneously look up at nothing in particular, nearly one in two passersby looked up to see what was going on, snarling traffic within moments. --_Washington Post_ [December 2007] - - Last year [1999], a Japanese computer scientist calculated it [pi] to 206 billion digits ... In 1610, an unlikely monument to pi was built in Holland. A tombstone in the graveyard of Peter's Church in Leiden was supposedly engraved with the numbers 2-8-8, representing the 33rd through 35th digits of pi, calculated by the mathematician who spent his last 14 years expanding pi to 35 digits. ... ... Throughout the 19th century, human calculators tried, but could not finish off pi. One such brain, Johann Dase of Hamburg, was able to multiply two eight-digit numbers in his head. Dase could calculate for hours at a time, go to sleep, and continue where he left off. In 1844, he put his mental calculator to work on pi, and in two months computed it to a new record of 205 places. Another true believer, William Shanks, spent twenty years with pencil and paper calculating pi to 707 digits. Shanks mark stood into the 20th century, though it was later discovered he made a mistake on the 527th digit. Twenty years on the job and his pi was incorrect. ... Edwin Goodwin, a doctor living in Solitude, Indiana in 1897, "supernaturally" discoved that pi was equal to 3.2376. Goodwin had his "solution" published in the "American Mathematical Monthly," then set about getting government approval for his own private pi. He convinced his local legislators to introduce a bill before Indiana's House offering state schools free use of his "new mathematical truth." The bill, chocked full of math jargon, fooled the House and passed by a 67-0 vote. (It later failed to pass the Indiana Senate.) ... Each fall at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, football fans cheer for their favorite irrational number: "Cosine, secant, tangent, sine, 3.14159!" ... As a teenager in Montreal, Simon Plouffe became "addicted to numbers." Upon learning of a world record for memorizing pi, Plouffe set out to break it. On his first day Plouffe memorized 300 digits. ... Within six months he had memorized 4,096 digits of pi. .... Soon the record was more than 5,000. ... The current memorization record is well beyond his reach, he admits. The reigning champ is Hiroyuki Goto, who recited 42,195 digits in nine hours. --Bruce Watson _Smithsonian Magazine_ [2000] - [Flower Belle Lee (Mae West) giving schoolboys a math lesson:] Two and two is four and five will get you ten if you know how to work it. --"My Little Chickadee" [1940 film] Screenplay by Mae West & W.C. Fields. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. --Charlotte Whitton (18961975) Canadian writer and politician. "Canada Month" [June 1963] Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion. --Thornton Wilder (18971975) American novelist and dramatist. _The Matchmaker_, act I [1954] - 2 pints = 1 Cavort Basic unit of Laryngitis = The Hoarsepower 1 Mole = 007 Secret Agents 1 Mole = 25 Cagey Bees 1 Dog Pound = 16 oz. of Alpo 2.4 statute miles of surgical tubing at Yale U. = 1 I.V.League 2000 pounds of chinese soup = 1 Won Ton 10 to the minus 6th power mouthwashes = 1 Microscope Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = 1 Machturtle 8 Catfish = 1 Octo-puss 365 Days of drinking Lo-Cal beer. = 1 Lite-year Force needed to accelerate 2.2lbs of cookies to 1 meter per second = 1 Fig-newton One half large intestine = 1 Semicolon 10 to the minus 6th power Movie = 1 Microfilm 1000 pains = 1 Megahertz 1 Angstrom: measure of computer anxiety = 1000 nail-bytes 10 to the 12th power microphones = 1 Megaphone The amount of beauty required to launch 1 ship = 1 Millihelen 665 = Neighbor of the Beast 555 = The Number of the Wannabeast --anon. Here at First National, you're not just a number you're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number. --anon. Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x] --anon. - A tour group is visiting the Grand Canyon, and the tour guide asks if anyone knows the age of the canyon. Everybody is mumbling but nobody answers. An actuary raises his hand and says, "one million and three years old!" The guide is amazed and asks the actuary how he knows this so exactly. The actuary answers, "Three years ago I visited the Grand Canyon, and one of your guides said the canyon was one million years old." - The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. - TRIVIA: A mile on the ocean and a mile on land are not the same distance. On the ocean, a nautical mile measures 6,080 feet. A land or statute mile is 5,280 feet. ---- algorithm (noun) A completely determined and finite procedure for solving a problem, esp. used in relation to mathematics and computer science. aliquot (noun) ['ζ-li-kwκt] A number that divides another evenly, as 2, 3, 4, and 6 (but not 5) are aliquots of 12. decile (noun) In statistics, any of the values that divide a frequency distribution into ten groups of equal frequency, or any one of these groups. decimate (verb) 1. To exact a tenth as in taxes or every tenth person of a population. There are two nouns: decimate ['de-sκ-mκt] "a tithe" and decimation [de-sκ-'mey-shκn] "the act or process of decimating." 2. To reduce substantially or even dramatically. muckle (adverb) ['mκ-kl] Much, a great many, a large amount; large, great (Scots English). myriad (noun) ['mi-ri-κd] A great throng. adj: countless, innumerable. quasquicentennial (adj.) [kwah-skwκ-sin-'te-ni-yκl] Pertaining to 125 or 125th; the celebration of 125 years. semicentennial - 50th centennial - 100th sesquicentennial - 150th bicentennial - 200th tercentennial - 300th quadricentennial - 400th quincentennial - 500th scintilla (noun) A minute amount; an iota or trace. Synonyms: shred, smidge, smidgeon, tittle, whit theorem (noun) 1: In algebra, a rule expressed as a mathematical equation or formula. 2: A proposition or idea that can be proven by other formulas or propositions in mathematics, or deduced from accepted premises or assumptions in logic. Related: hypothesis, postulate, premise, axiom, principle, truth Derived: theorematic, adj. triskaidekaphobia (n.) tris-kuh-deck-a-FOE-bee-uh] There are many named phobias, but few numbered ones. Triskaidekaphobia is fear of the number 13. triumvirate (noun) [trI-'κm-vκ-rκt] A body of triumvirs or triumviri, three men who share in the government of a nation or some other organization. Sometimes the Russian word for a team of three horses, "troika," is used in the same sense. . . see: "AGE" for related links Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. --Woody Allen [Allen Stewart Konigsberg] (b. 1935) American actor, screenwriter, and director. Quoted in Ashton Applewhite et al _And I Quote: The Definitive Collection..._, p. 386 [1992]. To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly. --Henri Bergson (18591941) French philosopher. _Creative Evolution_ [1911] I had always thought that once you grew up you could do anything you wanted stay up all night or eat ice cream straight out of the container. --Bill Bryson (b. 1951) American writer of humorous travel books. _The Lost Continent_ [1989] I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. --Albert Einstein (18791955) German-American physicist. Quoted in George Schreiber _Portraits & Self-Portraits_ [1936]. It is the act of an ill-instructed man to blame others for his own bad condition; it is the act of one who has begun to be instructed to lay the blame on himself; and of one whose instruction is completed, neither to blame another nor himself. --Epictetus (55135) Greek philosopher. _The Encheiridion_, 5, tr. George Long [1877] Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." --Erich Fromm (19001980) American philosopher and psychologist. _The Art of Loving_ [1956] We have not passed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we move from the passive voice to the active voice that is, until we have stopped saying "It got lost," and say "I lost it." --Sydney J. Harris (19171986) American journalist. _On the Contrary_ [1962] One of the most obvious facts about grown-ups, to a child, is that they have forgotten what it is like to be a child. --Randall Jarrell (19141965) American poet. In Christina Stead _The Man Who Loved Children_ [1965]. - "If" by Rudyard Kipling (18651936) English writer and poet. If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream and not make dreams your master; If you can think and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And which is more you'll be a Man, my son! - The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt. --Max Lerner (19021992) American educator, author, and syndicated columnist. _The Unfinished Century_ [1959] Things cannot always go your way. Learn to accept in silence the minor aggravations, cultivate the gift of taciturnity and consume your own smoke with an extra draught of hard work, so that those about you may not be annoyed with the dust and soot of your complaints. --Sir William Osler (18491919) Canadian-born physician. _Counsels and Ideals from the Writings of William Osler_, p. 102 [1905] One stops being a child when one realizes that telling one's trouble does not make it better. --Cesare Pavese (19081950) Italian novelist, poet, and translator. _This Business of Living: Diaries, 19351950_ [1952] Men come of age at sixty, women at fifteen. --James Stephens (18821950) Irish poet and storyteller. In "Observer" [10 October 1944]. Maturity is: The ability to stick with a job until it's finished; The ability to do a job without being supervised; The ability to carry money without spending it; and The ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even. --Abigail Van Buren [Pauline Esther Friedman] (b. 1918) American advice columnist. Quoted in Carolyn Warner _The Last Word: A Treasury of Women's Quotes_, p. 24 [1992]. Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything. --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (19222007) American novelist and short-story writer. _Cat's Cradle_ [1963] ----- precocious (adj.) [pri-'koh-shuh s] Unusually developed or mature, especially in reference to the minds of children. puerile [PYOO-uhr-uhl; PYOOR-uhl], adjective: Displaying or suggesting a lack of maturity; juvenile; childish. . . see: "AUTHORS" see: "WRITING" see: "PEOPLE" for other related links I believe the modern writer who has influenced me most is Somerset Maugham, whom I admire immensely for his power of telling a story straightforwardly and without frills. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. Quoted in Joseph Epstein, _Is It All Right to Read Somerset Maugham?_, "The New Criterion" [November 1985]. end page | MACARTHUR (DOUGLAS) - MALICE | MAN - MARINES | MARRIAGE | MARTYRS - MAUGHAM (WILLIAM SOMERSET) | McCARTHY - MEANNESS | MEDIA (THE) | MEDICINE - MEMORIAL DAY | MEMORIES - MEMORY | MEN - MEN v. WOMEN | MENTAL ILLNESS - MILK | MIND (THE) - MINDING OWN BUSINESS | MINNESOTA - MISERY | MISFORTUNE - MISSOURI | MISTAKES | MISTAKEN IDENTITY - MODESTY | MONEY | MONROE - MOON | MORAL ASSASINATION - MORALITY | MORNING - MOUNTAINS | MOVIE DIALOGUE - MUSHROOMS | MUSIC - MYTHOLOGY | | H | I - J | K - L | M | N - O | P - Q | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The Reviews | |
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