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JOHNSON (LYNDON) --- JOHNSON (SAMUEL)
JOKES --- JONES (CHUCK) --- JOY

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Lyndon B. Johnson (1908—1973)
American Democratic statesman, President [1963—1969].

see "POLITICS" for related links
see "PEOPLE" for related links

-

^

There is a wonderful anecdote about the election of 1960:
the evening of the election, Johnson called up Kennedy
and said, 'I see that I'm winning Texas, you're losing Ohio,
and we're doing all right together in Pennsylvania.'
--Robert Dallek (1934— )
American historian.
In Brian Lamb _Booknotes: Stories From American History_ [2001].


My favorite story is about [Lyndon] Johnson going to visit
Harry Truman in the waning days of Johnson's presidency.
He met with Truman in Independence, Missouri, and said
to him, 'Harry, you and Bess are living in this old house
here in Independence. You're getting on in years. You
may become ill. You ought to have an army medical
corpsman living here at the house with you.' Truman was
supposed to have replied, 'Really, Lyndon! Can I have
that?' Johnson supposedly said, 'Of course, Harry. My God,
man, you're an ex-presiden of the United States. I'll arrange
it. About six months after Jonson got out of the White House,
a reporter caught up with him one day at the ranch and said,
'Mr President, is it true that you've got an army medical
corpsman living here on the ranch with you?' Johnson said,
'Of course it's true, Harry Truman has one.'
--Robert Dallek (1934— )
American historian.
In Brian Lamb _Booknotes: Stories From American History_ [2001].


As increasing numbers of Americans died
in the fighting [Vietnam War] and Johnson
couldn't appear in public without risk of
protests, he became emotionally distraught.
By 1967, Georgia senator Richard Russell,
a Johnson mentor, couldn't bear to see
Johnson alone at the White House, because
the President would cry uncontrollably....
--Robert Dallek (1934— )
American historian.
In Robert A. Wilson _Character Above All; Ten Presidents _ [1999].

-

There was a dark side to Johnson. He was unscrupulous. In Texas
politics, where he acted as a fund-raiser for FDR, he was closely linked
to his contractor ally, Brown & Root, for which he had negotiated
enormous government contracts to build the Corpus Christi Naval Air
Station. The company illegally financed Johnson's unsuccessful 1941
Senate campaign, and from July 1942 IRS agents began to investigate
both them and LBJ himself. They found overwhelming evidence not
only of fraud and breaches of the Hatch Act in the use of campaign
money, but of lawbreaking in many other aspects of Brown & Root's
business, including tax evasion of over $1 million. Both LBJ and Herman
Brown, head of the firm who had begun life as a two-dollar-a-day
rod carrier for a surveyor, could have gone to jail for many years.
The investigation was derailed as a result of the direct intervention of
FDR himself, January 13, 1944, and the matter ended with a simple
fine: no indictment, no trial, and no publicity. After this, LBJ was
involved in various Texan political intrigues of a more or less unlawful
nature and in building up a personal fortune (most of it in the name of
his wife, the long-suffering 'Lady Bird' Johnson) in radio-TV stations
and land.

There was also the case of Robert G. ('Bobby') Baker, a gangling
South Carolinan who had served Johnson as secretary and factotum
in the years when he was Senate leader. Baker was known, on account
of his power and influence, as 'the hundred and first Senator,' and LBJ
said of him, fondly: 'I have two daughters. If I had a son, this would be
the boy ... [He is] my strong right arm, the last man I see at night, the
first one I see in the morning.' In the autumn of 1963, a private suit
against Baker in a federal court, alleging that he had improperly used his
influence in the Senate to obtain defense contracts for his own vending-
machine firm, provoked a spate of similar accusations against his probity,
and in a number of them LBJ was involved. The accusations were so
serious that, just before his assassination, Kennedy was considering
dropping LBJ from his 1964 ticket, even though he feared that to do
so would imperil his chances of carrying Texas and Georgia. At
Republican urging, the Senate agreed to investigate the case. But
by that time LBJ was president and the full weight of his office was
brought to bear to avoid the need for testimony either from Johnson
himself or from his aide Walter Jenkins, who possessed a good deal
of guilty knowledge. The Senate committee, on which Democrats out-
numbered Republicans six to three, voted solidly on party lines to protect
the President.

--Paul Johnson (1928— )
British historian.
_A History of the American People_ [1997] pp. 870-871

-

In this age when there can be no losers
in peace and no victors in war -we must
recognise the obligation to match national
strength with national restraint - we must
be prepared at one and the same time for
both the confirmation of power and the
limitation of power.
--Lyndon B. Johnson (1908—1973)
American Democratic statesman, President [1963—1969].
Address to Congress [27 November 1963].


All I have I would have given gladly not to be
standing here today.
--Lyndon B. Johnson (1908—1973)
American Democratic statesman, President [1963—1969].
(First address to Congress as President [27 November 1963].)


If one morning I walked on top of the water across
the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would
read: 'President Can't Swim.'
--Lyndon B. Johnson (1908—1973)
American Democratic statesman, President [1963—1969].
Quoted on the back cover of William B. Whitman _The Quotable Politician_ [2003].


All the way with LBJ.
--Democratic campaign slogan [1964].


Hey, hey, LBJ, how many mkids did you kill today?
--Anti-Vietnam War slogan.

-

-

"Hoover's Institution"
By Laurence H. Silberman
_The Wall Street Journal_
[July 20, 2005]

[. . . ]

I became deputy attorney general in early 1974, after the "Saturday
night massacre." Having seen printed rumors of the "secret and
confidential files" of J. Edgar Hoover (who had died in 1972), I
asked Clarence Kelly, the very straight and honorable director of
the bureau, whether they existed. He assured me that they did not.
If they ever did they must have been destroyed.

I was shocked then, when on Jan. 19, 1975, as acting attorney
general, I read a front page story in the Washington Post confirming
the existence of the files. The story pointed out that the files
contained embarrassing material collected on congressmen. When
I confronted Kelly, he was initially mystified. He then realized the
Post must be referring to files in his outer office, in plain sight,
which he had inherited but never examined. Sure enough, they
were the notorious secret and confidential files of J. Edgar Hoover.

The House Judiciary Committee demanded I testify about those files,
so I was obliged to read them. Accompanied by only one FBI official,
I read virtually all these files in three weekends. It was the
single worst experience of my long governmental service. Hoover
had indeed tasked his agents with reporting privately to him any
bits of dirt on figures such as Martin Luther King, or their families.
Hoover sometimes used that information for subtle blackmail to
ensure his and the bureau's power.

I intend to take to my grave nasty bits of information on various
political figures — some still active. As bad as the dirt collection
business was, perhaps even worse was the evidence that he
had allowed — even offered — the bureau to be used by presidents
for nakedly political purposes. I have always thought that the most
heinous act in which a democratic government can engage is to use
its law enforcement machinery for political ends.

We attempted, without going into specifics, to explain to the
committee the nature of Hoover's secret files. I intend now to be
more specific because I see no reason why such matters should
not be public. Indeed, from my subsequent vantage point as
ambassador to Yugoslavia, I was rather surprised that the Church
Committee, which had access to the files, largely ignored the FBI's
misdeeds and concentrated instead on rather less objectionable
CIA activities.

We told the committee that the bureau had sought, at the direction
of a political figure, to gather unfavorable information on his
opponent during an election campaign. Rep. Herman Badillo of New
York pressed me to admit that it was an investigation of Allard
Lowenstein, an antiwar candidate running against Rep. John Rooney,
the powerful chairman of an appropriations panel with jurisdiction
over the FBI. I repeatedly denied that and finally said it involved
the presidential campaign of 1964. Shortly thereafter, Don Edwards,
the chairman, terminated the hearing. But reporters dug out more
facts.

Only a few weeks before the 1964 election, a powerful presidential
assistant, Walter Jenkins, was arrested in a men's room in
Washington. Evidently, the president was concerned that Barry
Goldwater would use that against him in the election. Another
assistant, Bill Moyers, was tasked to direct Hoover to do an
investigation of Goldwater's staff to find similar evidence of
homosexual activity. Mr. Moyers' memo to the FBI was in one
of the files.

When the press reported this, I received a call in my office from
Mr. Moyers. Several of my assistants were with me. He was outraged;
he claimed that this was another example of the Bureau salting its
files with phony CIA memos. I was taken aback. I offered to conduct
an investigation, which if his contention was correct, would lead me
to publicly exonerate him. There was a pause on the line and then
he said, "I was very young. How will I explain this to my children?"
And then he rang off. I thought to myself that a number of the
Watergate figures, some of whom the department was prosecuting,
were very young, too.

Other presidents, according to those files, misused the bureau,
although never Truman and Eisenhower. But Johnson clearly was
the most demanding. This discovery was particularly painful for me.
Although I was a life-long Republican, I had not only voted for LBJ,
I had signed an ad supporting him, which got me ejected from the
Hawaii Young Republicans.

In 1968 the FBI, at the president's direction, actually surveilled
Spiro Agnew, the Republican vice-presidential candidate. To be sure,
as subsequent events revealed, Agnew might well have been under
surveillance when, as governor of Maryland, he was taking bribes;
but in 1968 it was for the purpose of determining whether he was
in contact with South Vietnamese leaders. It was not for law-
enforcement purposes. Incidentally, the FBI never determined that
he was in contact with the South Vietnamese.

It was not only Republicans that Johnson targeted with the FBI. He
must have been obsessed with the Kennedy political threat because
he used the bureau to determine whether officials in his administration
were too close to Robert Kennedy after Kennedy left the administration.
Ironically, one of his White House assistants, whom he inherited from
JFK and was a particular subject of this sort of surveillance, is now
married to LBJ's biographer. I refer to Richard Goodwin, the husband
of Doris Kearns Goodwin.

Some of Johnson's suspicions of the Kennedys were rather amusing.
He became convinced that the Washington Star was secretly owned
by the Kennedy family and that is why he received less favorable
coverage from the Star than from the Post. He insisted that Hoover
unearth those connections. Hoover plaintively tried to explain that the
Star was owned by the Kauffmann family and that they were Republicans.

But surely the most bizarre episode that I discovered (and can
reveal) involves the investigation and trial of Bobby Baker, who had
been LBJ's top Senate aide. To say that the president was
apprehensive about this episode would be a dramatic understatement.
The investigation and trial took place when Bobby Kennedy was
attorney general and Jack Miller the assistant attorney general for
the Criminal Division. During the investigation of Baker's Senate
activities, Miller asked the FBI to wire a potential witness. To his
astonishment Hoover responded with the ridiculous assertion that
it would be improper.

Of course, Hoover promptly reported this to LBJ as he had many
activities of the Kennedy Justice Department. However, Miller was
not to be deterred. With Kennedy's approval he called a special
assistant to Treasury Secretary Henry Fowler to gain help from
Treasury agents. The assistant arranged the help and Baker was
convicted. Much later, toward the end of the Johnson administration,
Hoover discovered Miller's end-around and duly reported it to LBJ,
who, furious, demanded that Fowler fire the assistant. Fowler
refused. That assistant was Robert Jordan, my Harvard Law School
classmate, subsequently general counsel of the Army and later my
partner at Steptoe & Johnson.

Hoover's shenanigans may well be the genesis of Watergate. I
noted in the files that he had an early private meeting with the
new President Nixon. I surmised that he must have let Nixon know
something of what he had done for prior presidents; it would have
been too dangerous not to. I further suspect that Nixon, whose
ethical standards were quite relative, would have concluded he
should have the same services that were available to his
predecessors. But he didn't trust Hoover totally, so he set up his
own political intelligence gathering network outside the FBI —
the plumbers. During Watergate, Nixon would occasionally mutter
that prior presidents were culpable of secret political intelligence
investigations. He even suggested that the Justice Department should
substantiate that claim. We ignored him, but I am sure he would have
seized on the Post's revelations of the secret files — if they had
appeared earlier. [. . . ]

-

President Johnson was advised by the Joint Chiefs to strike guerrilla
sanctuaries in the North. He hesitated, in no small part because of a
bit of a cautionary word on fighting in Asia that he once received from
a surprising source. As the President tells it, when he visited the late
General Douglas MacArthur at Walter Reed Hospital for the last time,
the two got to talking about the Far East. Said MacArthur: "Son, don't
ever get yourself bogged down in a land war in Asia."
--"Foreign Relations: A Look Down That Long Road,"
_Time_ [19 February 1965]




JOHNSON (SAMUEL)

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Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.

see "PEOPLE" for related links
see "WRITING" for related links


But the great Dr. Johnson was one in a century, and
I count myself honored to have tasted the wine of his
speech, even though put to my mouth through the
goodness of his friend. For that Englishman is not to
be read with the eyes alone, but read out, as with the
Word, with a good voice, and a rolling of the tongue,
so that the rich taste of magnificent English may
come to the ears and go to the head, like the
perfumes of the Magi, or like the best of beer,
home brewed and long in the cask.
--Richard Llewellyn [Richard Dafydd Vivian Llewellyn Lloyd]
(1906—1983) Welsh novelist and playwright.
_How Green Was My Valley_ [1939]

I can read every word that Dr. Johnson wrote
with delight, for he had good sense, charm,
and wit. No one could have written better if
he had not wilfully set himself to write in
the grand style. He knew good English when
he saw it.
--W. Somerset Maugham (1874—1965)
English novelist, playwright, and short-story writer.
_The Summing Up_ [1938], Chapter XII

I at once and for ever recognized in him a man
entirely sincere, and infallibly wise in the view
and estimate he gave of the common questions,
business, and ways of the world. I valued his
sentences not primarily because they were
symmetrical, but because they were just, and
clear...No other writer could have secured me,
as he did, against all chance of being misled
by my own sanguine and metaphysical
temperament. He taught me carefully to
measure life, and distrust fortune; and he
secured me, by his admantine common-sense,
from being caught in the cobwebs of German
metaphysics, or sloughed in the English
drainage of them.
--John Ruskin (1819—1900)
English art and social critic.
_Praeterita_ [1885-1887]

-

The pioneering lexicographer Samuel Johnson
declared in his 1755 dictionary that the "bon"
was French for "good" (which it is), and
therefore "bonfire" obviously meant "good fire"
(which it doesn't). What makes Dr. Johnson's
error especially surprising is that when
"bonfire" had first appeared in English in the
15th century, everyone understood that the
"bon" meant "bone," and that a "bonfire" was
originally a fire made of bones, usually animal
bones that had accumulated over the course
of a year.
--The Word Detective




JOKES

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see "HUMOR" for related links


Post September 11, suddenly the world feels
bi-polar again, and one of the things being
directed at us along with irrationality, hatred
of women, religiosity, and fanaticism, is
humourlessness. Humour is the obverse of
common sense. As Clive James said, "Humour
is common sense dancing." And without
humour there can be no common sense.
Humourless people aren't just the people
that don't laugh at jokes; I mean they can't
be trusted with anything. I don't know how
they get across the road without getting
knocked over, it seems to me such a basic
human quality, so it's important to assert
comedy and laughter in the face of its opposite.
--Martin Amis (1949— )
British novelist and son of Sir Kingsley Amis.
Discussing _Koba the Dread: Laughter and the
Twenty Million_ in "The Hindu" [6 October 2002].

I believe you can joke about anything. It
all depends on how you construct the joke.
What the exaggeration is. Because every
joke needs one exaggeration. Every joke
needs one thing to be way out of
proportion.
--George Carlin (1937—2008)
American stand-up comedian and author.

A difference of taste in jokes is
a great strain on the affections.
--George Eliot [Mary Ann Evans] (1819—1880)
English novelist.
_Daniel Deronda_, bk. 2, ch. 15 [1876]

Anyone who has at any time had occasion to enquire
from the literature of aesthetics and psychology what
light can be thrown on the nature of jokes and on the
the position they occupy will probably have to admit
that jokes have not received nearly as much
philosophical consideration in view of the part they
play in our mental health.
--Sigmund Freud (1856—1939)
Austrian psychiatrist.

The world has joked incessantly for over fifty centuries,
And every joke that's possible has long ago been made.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836—1911)
English writer of comic and satirical verse.
_His Excellency_, act 2 [1894]

A person reveals his character by nothing
so clearly as the joke he resents.
--Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742—1799)
German scientist and drama critic.

_Omissis jocis_
(Joking aside.)
--Pliny the Younger or Caius Plinius Caecilius Secundus (62—c.115)
Roman senator and author of a famous collection of letters.

There are only a handful of possible jokes. The chief members
of this joke band may be said to be: the fall of dignity [and]
mistaken identity.
--Mack Sennett (1880—1960)
Canadian-born innovator of slapstick comedy in film.

-

Another well-known example of spontaneous intuitive
insights are jokes. In the split second where you
understand a joke you experience a moment of
"enlightenment." It is well known that this moment
must come spontaneously, that it cannot be achieved
by "explaining" the joke, i.e. by intellectual analysis.
Only with a sudden intuitive insight into the nature of
the joke do we experience the liberating laughter the
joke is meant to produce. The similarity between a
spiritual insight and the understanding of a joke must
be well known to enlightened men and women, since
they almost invariably show a great sense of humor.
Zen, especially, is full of funny stories and anecdotes,
and in the Tao Te Ching we read, "If it were not
laughed at, it would not be sufficient to be Tao."
--Fritjof Capra
_The Tao of Physics_ [1975]




Click picture to ZOOM
JONES, CHUCK

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Chuck Jones (1912—2002)
American animator, cartoon artist, and director of animated films.

see: "BUGS BUNNY"
see: "CARTOON CHARACTERS"
see "PEOPLE" for other related links


If Walt Disney was the first animator who taught me
how to fly in my dreams, Chuck Jones was the first
animator who made me laugh at them.
--Steven Spielberg (1946— )
American film director and producer.





JOY

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see "HAPPINESS" for related links


Joy, n. An emotion variously excited, but in its highest
degree arising from the contemplation of grief in another.
--Ambrose Bierce (1842—1914)
American newspaperman, wit, and satirist.
_The Cynic's Word Book_ [1906]
(Retitled in 1911 as _The Devil's Dictionary_.)

I am convinced that we have a degree of delight, and that
no small one, in the real misfortunes and pains of others.
--Edmund Burke (1729—1797)
Irish-born Whig politician and man of letters.
_A Philosophical Inquiry into the Origin of Our
Ideas of the Sublime and the Beautiful_, pt i [1756]

One joy scatters a hundred griefs.
--Chinese proverb

We choose our joys and sorrows long
before we experience them.
--Kahlil Gibran (1883—1931)
Lebanese poet.
In _The Book of Positive Quotations_, {comp. by John Cook}, p.. 354 [2007].

Enjoy what you can, endure what you must.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749—1832)
German poet, novelist, and playwright.

The tide recedes but leaves behind bright
seashells in the sand, The sun goes down
but gentle warmth still lingers on the land.
The music stops, and yet echoes on in
sweet refrains...For every joy that passes,
something beautiful remains.
--M.D. Hughes

A propensity to hope and joy is real riches;
one to fear and sorrow, real poverty.
--David Hume (1711—1776)
Scottish philosopher.
_The Sceptic_ (essay) [c. 1750]

The trick is not how much pain you feel — but
how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain.
Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not
to live, excuses, excuses, excuses.
--Erica Jong (1942— )
American novelist.
_How To Save Your Own Life_ [1977]

Enjoy yourself,
It's later than you think.
--Herb Magidson (1906—1986)
American songwriter.
"Enjoy Yourself" [1950 song]

Sleep, riches, and health, to be truly
enjoyed, must be interrupted.
--Jean Paul Richter (1763—1825)
German novelist.
_Flower, Fruit, and Thorn Pieces_ , ch. VIII.

Shared pain is lessened; shared joy is
increased; thus do we refute entropy.
--Spider Robinson (b. 1948)
American-born Canadian science fiction author.
_The Callahan Chronicals_, pt. 6 "Earth and Beyond" [1997]

Abstaining so as really to enjoy, is the epicurism,
the very perfection, of reason.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau (1712—1778)
French philosopher and novelist.

A thing seriously pursued affords true enjoyment.
--Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 B.C.— 65 A.D.)
Roman philosopher and poet.
_Epistles_, XXIII, 3, 4

How much better it is to weep at joy
than to joy at weeping.
--William Shakespeare (1564—1616)
English dramatist.
_Much Ado About Nothing_ [1598—1599]

Actually there are only two philosophies of life: one is
first the feast and then the headache; the other is first
the fast and then the feast. Deferred joys purchased by
sacrifice are always the sweetest.
--Fulton John Sheen (1895—1979)
Roman Catholic bishop; the first popular preacher to appear on television.
_Life of Christ_ [1958]

There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get
what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the
wisest of mankind achieve the second.
--Logan Pearsall Smith (1865—1946)
American-born man of letters.
_Afterthoughts_ [1931]

Gaiety is the outstanding feature of the Soviet Union.
--Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin (1879—1953),
Soviet Communist leader and head of the USSR from
the death of V. I. Lenin (1924) until his own death.
(1935 comment.)

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value
of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
--Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835—1910)
American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot.
_Following the Equator_ [1897] "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar"

Joy and grief are never far apart. In the same street the
shutters of one house are closed, while the curtains of
the next are brushed by shadow of the dance. A wedding-
party returns from church, and a funeral winds to its door.
The smiles and the sadness of life are the tragi-comedy
of Shakespeare. Gladness and sighs brighten and dim
the mirror he beholds.
--Robert Aris Willmott (1809—1863)
English editor and author.

-----

blithe (adjective) [bLIdh]
Joyous, spiritedly if not giddily happy;
happy to the point of ignoring reality.

cavort [kuh-VORT], intransitive verb:
1. To bound or prance about.
2. To have lively or boisterous fun; to behave
in a high-spirited, festive manner.


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