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. . . HOUSE see "HOME & FAMILY" for related links "The Gas Man Cometh" by Flanders & Swann 'Twas on a Monday morning The gas man came to call; The gas tap wouldn't turn I wasn't getting gas at all. He tore out all the skirting boards To try and find the main, And I had to call a carpenter to put them back again. Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do! 'Twas on a Tuesday morning The carpenter came round; He hammered and he chiselled and he said: 'Look what I've found! Your joists are full of dry-rot But I'll put them all to rights'. Then he nailed right through a cable and out went all the lights. Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do! 'Twas on a Wednesday morning The electrician came; He called me 'Mr. Sanderson', (which isn't quite my name). He couldn't reach the fuse box Without standing on the bin And his foot went through a window so I called a glazier in. Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do! 'Twas on a Thursday morning The glazier came along; With his blow-torch and his putty and his merry Glazier's song; He put another pane in It took no time at all But I had to get a Painter in to come and paint the wall. Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do! 'Twas on a Friday morning The Painter made a start; With undercoats and overcoats he painted every part, Every nook and every cranny. But I found when he was gone He'd painted over the gas tap and I couldn't turn it on! Oh, it all makes work for the working man to do! On Saturday and Sunday they do no work at all: So 'twas on a Monday morning that the Gas Man came to call! - I want a house that has got over all its troubles; I don't want to spend the rest of my life bringing up a young and inexperienced house. --Jerome K Jerome (18591927) English novelist and playwright. ----- ramshackle (adj.) Poorly maintained or constructed and seeming likely to fall apart or collapse.  ;void(0)) HOUSEWIFE . . see "HOME & FAMILY" for related links The labor of women in the house, certainly, enables men to produce more wealth than they otherwise could; and in this way women are economic factors in society. But so are horses. --Charlotte Perkins Gilman (18601935) Leading theorist of the women's movement in the United States. _Women and Economics_ [1898] HELMER: First and foremost, you are a wife and mother. NORA: That I don't believe any more. I believe that first and foremost I am an individual, just as much as you are. --Henrik Ibsen (18281906) Norwegian playwright. _A Doll's House_ [1879], Act III - Be respectful and obedient to your parents-in-law. A woman has no [feudal] lord. She should reverence and obey her husband instead. Be always circumspect in your behavior. Get up early. Go to bed at midnight. Do not indulge in a siesta. Attend diligently to the work of the house. --Kaibara Ekken (16301714) Japanese philosopher, travel writer, and botanist. _Dojikun_ (Instructions for Children) (Advice to parents to give their daughters on marriage.) - The American housewife of an earlier day was famous for her unremitting diligence. She not only cooked, washed and ironed; she also made shift to master such more complex arts as spinning, baking and brewing. Her expertness, perhaps, never reached a high level, but at all events she made a gallant effort. But that was long, long ago, before the new enlightenment rescued her. Today, in her average incarnation, she is not only incompetent; she is also filled with the notion that a conscientious discharge of her few remaining duties is, in some vague way, discreditable and degrading. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (18801956) American journalist and literary critic. _In Defense of Women_, rev ed. [1922] - A 2-panel cartoon from an early-70s MAD magazine: 1920s family at the supper table, with husband, wife, five kids, and a feast. Husband: How come there's no dessert? Wife: I didn't have time to bake anything. 1970s family at the supper table, with husband, wife, two kids, and Hamburger Helper. Husband: How come there's no dessert? Wife: I didn't have time to defrost anything. - . . see "HOME & FAMILY" for related links My husband and I have figured out a really good system about the housework: neither one of us does it. --Dottie Archibald My wife announced the week before her 50th birthday that she intended to have a butterfly tattooed on her ankle. "I want to do something totally out of character," she explained. "Why don't you clean the house?" I asked. --Kevin G. Barkes (alt.quotations, Usenet newsgroup) _Untitled Memoirs_ My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first - hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. --Erma Bombeck (19271996) American humorist. After the first four years [not doing housework], the dirt doesn't get any worse. --Quentin Crisp [Denis Pratt] (19081999) English writer. _The Naked Civil Servant_ [1968] Few tasks are more like the torture of Sisyphus than housework, with its endless repetition. . . The housewife wears herself out marking time: she makes nothing, simply perpetuates the present. --Simone de Beauvoir (19081986) French novelist and feminist. _The Second Sex_ [1949] Cleaning your house while the kids are still growing Is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. --Phyllis Diller (1917 ) American comedian. _Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints_ [1966] I'm a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. --Zsa Zsa Gabor [Sari Gabor] (1919 ) Hungarian-born film actress. The man who never in his life Has washed the dishes with his wife Or polished up the silver plate He still is largely celibate. --Christopher Morley (18901957) American journalist, novelist, and poet. "Washing the Dishes" How often does a house need to be cleaned, anyway? As a general rule, once every girlfriend. --P.J. O'Rourke (1947 ) American political satirist. _The Bachelor Home Companion_ [1987] I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes- and six months later you have to start all over again. --Joan Rivers (1935 ) American comedian and talk-show host. Biologically and tempermentally, I believe women were made to be concerned first and foremost with child care, husband care and home care. --Benjamin Spock (19031998) American pediatrician. In Barbara Sinclair Deckard _The Women's Movement: Political, Socioeconomic, and Psychological Issues_ [1979]. - Cleanliness is next to godliness. Godliness is perfection. Perfection is impossible. Therefore, Cleanliness is next to impossible. --anon. Thank God for dirty dishes, They have a tale to tell, While others may go hungry, We're eating very well, With home and hearth and happiness, I shouldn't want to fuss, For by the stack of evidence, God's been good to us. --anon. - It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman. My name is Jeff. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Susie. Since I retired several years ago, it has become necessary for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. Sincerely, Jeff - ----- pristine (adj.) 1. immaculate: so clean and neat as to look as good as new. 2. unspoiled: not yet ruined by human encroachment . . see "PLACES" for related links HOUSTON - When the air is thick with mosquitoes and moisture, it's hard to get people to think kindly of this town. Civic boosters have tried for years, portraying Houston as a pro-business paradise while sidestepping the reality of living in a city built on a swamp. But a local marketing firm recently took the blinders off and started an independent, online campaign to promote the real Houston, warts and all. "The flying cockroaches. The mosquitoes. The traffic," reads the ad, which lists 17 more drawbacks before concluding that, in spite of it all, "Houston. It's Worth It." The website then asks residents to post why the city, unlovely and uncomfortable as it can be, appeals to them all the same. The point, said the ad's co-creator, David Thompson, is to acknowledge the worst and move on. "It sort of pulls the rug out from the easy place to go how can you stand the heat and automatically takes you to a more meaningful conversation," he said. Houstonians have responded so enthusiastically to the site http://www.houstonitsworthit.com that a technician reprogrammed the page to give people more room to write. "I feel normal here. Maybe it is because I am imperfect like this city," wrote one person. "The cleanest jail cells of any major metropolitan area," wrote another. And then there was this analogy: "If Houston were a dog, she'd be a mutt with 3 legs, one bad eye, fleas the size of Corn Nuts and buck teeth. Despite all that, she'd be the best dog you'd ever know." --Lianne Hart _Los Angeles Times_ [11 September 2004], "The Mosquitoes, the Humidity . . ." . . see: "EGOTISM" see: "THE NERVE" see: "SNOBS" One of my chief regrets during my years in the theater is that I couldn't sit in the audience and watch me. --John Barrymore (John Sidney Blythe) (18821942) Shakespearean actor. Too intense contemplation of his own genius had begun to undermine his health. --Sir Max Beerbohm (18721956) English satirist and caricaturist. ^ Heathcote William Garrod (18781960). British classical scholar. During World War I, Garrod, already a distinguished scholar, worked at the Ministry of Munitions in London. The practice of handing white feathers to able-bodied men who were not in uniform was in full swing. Garrod was handed one by a women in a London street with a withering comment, "I am surprised that you are not fighting to defend civilization." Garrod replied, "Madam, I am the civilization they are fighting to defend. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as Catch-22 I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?' --Joseph Heller (19231999) American novelist. When I go, I'll take New Year's Eve with me. --Guy Lombardo (19021977) Canadian-born bandleader. Each generation imagines itself to be more intelligent than the one that went before it, and wiser than the one that comes after it. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. You are an idiot. . . You are in the presence of one of the great woman scholars of your time, and you behave like an ass, and you're gonna know about it when you're fifty years old. Eat my socks! --Camille Paglia (1947 ) American writer and social critic. During a 1992 visit to Princeton University. Don't let your head get too big, it'll break your neck --Elvis Presley (19351977) American singer. ----- hubris [HYOO-bruhs], noun: Overbearing pride or presumption. Ex.: During his long tenure in the financial world, Friedman has watched dozens of his competitors' businesses killed by hubris born of success rather than by unsound business decisions or adverse market conditions. --Lisa Endlich, "Goldman Sachs: The Culture of Success" Ex. 2: This is the actor's hubris, to imagine the world possessed of a single, avid eye fixed solely and always on him. --John Banville, "Eclipse" supercilious (adj.) [su-pκr-'si-li-yκs] Overly haughty and condescending, disdainful, toplofty. . . see "FRIENDS / FRIENDSHIP" for related links When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go. --H. Jackson Brown, Jr. (1940 ) American author. _Life's Little Instruction Book_ [1991], Maxim #226 . . see "THE HUMAN RACE" for related links There's a man all over for you, blaming on his boots the faults of his feet. --Samuel Beckett (19061989) Irish dramatist, novelist, and poet. _Waiting for Godot_ [1955] Nothing is so powerful as an insight into human nature . . . what compulsions drive a man, what instincts dominate his action . . . if you know these things about a man you can touch him at the core of his being. --William Bernbach (19111982) American advertising executive and copywriter. By nature men are alike. Through practice they have become far apart. --Confucius (551479 B.C.) K'ung Ch'iu, Chinese philosopher. _Analects_ Subdue your appetites my dears, and you've conquered human nature. --Charles Dickens (18121870) English novelist. _Nicholas Nickleby_ [1839] He who has so little knowledge of human nature, as to seek happiness by changing any thing but his own dispositions, will waste his life in fruitless efforts, and multiply the griefs which he purposes to remove. --Samuel Johnson (17091784) English poet, critic, and lexicographer. "The Rambler" (English journal), Number 6 [7 April 1750] I have no high opinion of human beings: they are always going to fight and do nasty things to each other. They are always going to be part animal, governed by their emotions and subconscious drives rather than by reason. --George Frost Kennan (19042005) Ambassador to the USSR in 1952, and to Yugoslavia from 1961 to 1963 and chief architect of the U.S. Cold War policy of containment and deterrence against communism. In an interview with George Urban published in "Encounter" magazine, September, 1976. Human nature must be accepted as it is. --Gustave Le Bon (18411931) French social psychologist best known for his study of the psychological characteristics of crowds [EB]. _The Psychology of Revolution_ After the primary necessities of food and raiment, freedom is the first and strongest want of human nature. --John Stuart Mill (18061873) English philosopher and social reformer. _The Subjection of Women_, ch. 4 [1869] Believe, if thou wilt, that mountains change their place, but believe not that man changes his nature. --Muhammad (A.D. 570?632) Prophet to whom the religion of Islam was revealed. What passes as "human nature" is at most one-tenth nature, the other nine-tenths being nurture. --Bertrand Russell (18721970) British philosopher, mathematician, and Nobel laureate. _Sceptical Essays_, 17.4 [1928] It is part of human nature to hate the man you have hurt. --Tacitus [or Publius Cornelius Tacitus or Gaius Cornelius Tacitus] (c.55c.117), Roman orator, lawyer, senator, and historian. "Agricola" end page | HABIT - HANGOVER | HAPPINESS | HAPPY BIRTHDAY - HATE | HATS - HEAT | HEALTH | HEAVEN - HIPPOS | HISTORIANS & HISTORY | HITCHCOCK - HOLOCAUST | HOME - HOMETOWNS | HONESTY & HONOR | HOOVER - HOTELS | HOUSE - HUMAN NATURE | HUMAN RACE - HUMANITY | HUMILIATION - HURT | HUMOR | HURTING (SOMEONE) | HUSBANDS - HYPOCRISY | | H | I - J | K - L | M | N - O | P - Q | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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