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. . . [QUOTES FOLLOW LINKS] see: ABSTINENCE ALCOHOL APPLES BANANAS BREAKFAST CANNIBALS CHEESE CHOCOLATE COFFEE COMPANY (HAVING) COOKING DIET DINNER EATING EXERCISE FARMING FISHING GLUTTONY GRACE GUESTS HOME & FAMILY HUNGER IRISH TOASTS MILK MUSHROOMS OYSTERS PIE PRUNES RESTAURANTS SPAGHETTI, SPAM TIPPING, TOASTS VEGETABLES, VEGETARIANS You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. --Woody Allen [Allen Stewart Konigsberg] (b. 1935) American actor, screenwriter, and director. Dialogue in the 1978 movie _Interiors_. The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you. --attributed to Isaac Asimov (1920—1992) Russian-born American author. Salad. I can't bear salad. It grows while you're eating it, you know. Have you noticed? You start one side of your plate and by the time you've got to the other, there's a fresh crop of lettuce taken root and sprouted up. --Alan Ayckbourn (b. 1939) English dramatist. _Living Together_ [1975] The French fried potato has become an inescapable horror in almost every public eating place in the country. "French fries," say the menus, but they are not French fries any longer. They are a furry- textured substance with the taste of plastic wood. --Russell Baker (b. 1925) American journalist and columnist. _The New York Times_ [22 February 1968] "Observer" - [William Makepeace] Thackeray claimed that eating his first American oyster was like swallowing a baby. --Michael and Ariane Batterberry _On the Town in New York_ [1999] The concept of the "restaurant" itself originated in France. One Monsieur Boulanger, a Parisian dispenser of soups, advertised his dishes as "restoratives," or "restaurants. "The word became popular, and a few years later, in 1782, the famous Beauvillier, aware that a traveler had no chance of a decent meal at a Paris inn, organized the first proper "restaurant," with a selection of respectable dishes. After the Revolution, the idea spread quickly, and Baleine opened the trend-setting Rocher de Concale. By the early nineteenth century Paris teemed with restaurants. For haute cuisine there were Very's, Hardi's, and the Quadron Bleu, to say nothing of Tortoni's, the center of romantic intrigue and the traditional site of the duelist's last breakfast, a bracer of pâtés, game, fish, broiled kidneys, and iced champagne. As Arthur Bryant, the British historian, concluded in _The Age of Elegance_: "With his piquante sauces and petit-plats, his gilded mirrors, bright lights and marble tables - so different from the smokey, wainscotted chop houses of London - the restaurateur was the residuary legatee of the Revolution." --Michael and Ariane Batterberry _On the Town in New York_ [1999] - Mr___, who loved buttered muffins, but durst not eat them because they disagreed with his stomach, resolved to shoot himself; and then he ate three buttered muffins for breakfast, before shooting himself, knowing that he would not be troubled with indigestion. --Topham Beauclerk (1739—1780) in Boswell's _Life of Samuel Johnson_ entry of 16 April 1779 [1791]. [When asked if he wanted his pizza sliced into four or eight slices:] Better make it four. . . I don't think I can eat eight. --Yogi Berra (b. 1925) American baseball player and manager; elected to the Hall of Fame in 1972. Quoted in Dick Crouser _It's Unlucky to Be Behind at the End of the Game_ [1983]. - A man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and to be merry. --_Bible_ "Ecclesiastes" 8:15 A land flowing with milk and honey. --_Bible_ "Exodus" 3:8 - Edible, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. --Ambrose Bierce (1842—1914) American newspaperman, wit, and satirist. _The Cynic's Word Book_ [1906] {retitled in 1911 as _The Devil's Dictionary_} 'What's up, Doc?' was incomplete without the sound of the rabbit nibbling on the carrot, which presented problems. First of all, I don't especially like carrots, at least not raw. And second, I found it impossible to chew, swallow, and be ready to say my next line. We tried substituting other vegetables, including apples and celery, but with unsatisfactory results. The solution was to stop recording so that I could spit out the carrot into the waste-basket and then proceed with the script. In the course of a recording session I usually went through enough carrots to fill several wastebaskets. Bugs Bunny did for carrots what Popeye the Sailor did for spinach. How many ... children were coerced into eating their carrots by mothers cooing ... "But Bugs Bunny eats _his_ carrots." If only they had known. --Mel Blanc (1908—1989) American voice actor for cartoons. _That's Not All, Folks!: My Life in the Golden Age of Cartoons & Radio_ [1988] - From _With the Flag on the Seven Seas: Fifty Years a Seafarer_ by Admiral Sir Bulwark Bloode [1907]: The Pacific Station had its ups and downs. My first mission when I took command of the "Myrmidon" was to track down some Solomon Islanders who had eaten a Quaker missionary. By all accounts he was a strange fellow who did not drink nor eat meat and walked around barefoot. It seems he stuck his nose into some native war and got eaten for his troubles. The poor devil was wrapped in palm leaves, parboiled in salt water and then lightly grilled. --_The Folio Book of Humorous Anecdotes_ Introduced by Edward Leeson [2005], "Food, Drink and Entertaining" - Just think of all those women on the Titanic who said, "No, thank you," to dessert that night. And for what! --attributed to Erma Bombeck (1927—1996) American humorist. Food comes first, then morals. --Bertolt Brecht (1898—1956) German dramatist. _Die Dreigroschenoper_ (The Threepenny Opera), II, iii [1928] And I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food? --Bill Bryson (b. 1951) American writer of humorous travel books. _Notes From a Small Island_ [1996] A good cheese for the whole voyage; three pounds of biscuit, half a pound of butter, and a quatern [quarter pint?] of vinegar per week; about a pint of fresh water per diem; every Sunday three-quarters of a pound of flesh; six ounces of salted cod every Monday and Wednesday; a quarter of a pound of stock-fish for every Tuesday and Saturday; grey pease and three-quarters of a pound of bacon, for Thursday and Friday: Besides this, as much oatmeal boiled in water as they could eat. --Buccaneers' rations on the Dutch group of ships captained by Hendrick Brouwer of Amsterdam [1643], in M.J. Cohan and John Major (eds.) _History in Quotations_, p. 391 [2004]. [When requested to say grace by the Earl of Selkirk:] Some hae meat, and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it; But we hae meat, and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit. --Robert Burns (1759—1796) Scottish poet and songwriter. "The Kirkudbright Grace" [1790] aka "The Selkirk Grace" I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli. --George H. W. Bush (b. 1924) American Republican statesman and President [1989-1993]. "New York Times" [23 March 1990] It is unseasonable and unwholesome in all months that have not an r in their name to eat an oyster. --William Butler (1535—1618) _Dyet's Dry Dinner_ [1599] When I give food to the poor, they call me a Saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a Communist. --(Dom) Hélder Câmara (1909—1999) Brazilian Roman Catholic Archbishop. Quoted in "The Guardian" [21 January 1985]. - Alice was very glad to find [the Duchess] in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. "When I'm a Duchess," she said to herself (not in a very hopeful tone, though), "I won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well without — Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered," she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, "and vinegar that makes them sour — and camomile that makes them bitter — and — and barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know —." --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832—1898) English writer and logician. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ [1865], "The Mock Turtle's Story" 'Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly. 'I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, 'so I can't take more.' 'You mean you can't take *less*,' said the Hatter: 'it's very easy to take *more* than nothing.' --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (1832—1898) English writer and logician. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_, [1865] "A Mad Tea-Party" - ^ ... Forevermore, when I hear the name Estee Lauder, I'll remember the time she told a wealthy customer that she could make her face creams last longer by storing them in the refrigerator. The labels came off in the cold, and the customer's maid served face cream at a formal dinner as mayonnaise. Oops. --Paul Carroll reviewing Todd G. Buchholz _New Ideas From Dead CEOs_ "The Wall Street Journal" [27 June 2007] ^ That some of the indigent among us die of scanty food is undoubtedly true; but vastly more in this community die from eating too much than from eating too little. --William Ellery Channing (1780—1842) American Unitarian clergyman and author. Speech to Benevolent Fraternity of Churches, Boston, Ma. [9 April 1835]. - Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. --G.K. (Gilbert Keith) Chesterton (1874—1936) English essayist, novelist, and poet. "Cheese" (essay) in _Alarms and Discursions_ [1911]. Tea, although an Oriental, Is a gentleman at least; Cocoa is a cad and coward, Cocoa is a vulgar beast. --G.K. (Gilbert Keith) Chesterton (1874—1936) English essayist, novelist, and poet. "Song of Right and Wrong" [1914] - - [When asked at age 84 to what she credited her longevity:] Red meat and gin. --Julia Child (1912—2004) American chef, television personality, and author. Quoted in "Reader's Digest" [January 1997]. The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. --attributed to Julia Child (1912—2004) American chef, television personality, and author. - Take away that pudding — it has no theme. --Winston Churchill (1874—1965) British Conservative statesman and Prime Minister [1940—1945, 1951—1955]. Quoted in Lord Home _The Way the Wind Blows_ [1976]. ^^ Noël Coward was always ready with a wry comment apropos the grand public occasion. While watching the television coverage of the Coronation procession, he saw that the coaches carrying the dignitaries to the Abbey had their hoods up because of the rain, but the very ample Queen of Tonga persisted in waving to the crowds with the hood of her carriage down. Sitting opposite the Queen was a tiny man, less than half her size. Someone turned to Coward and asked: 'Who's that little chap with her?' Coward replied: 'That's her lunch.' --_The Folio Book of Humorous Anecdotes_ [2005] Introduced by Edward Leeson, "Royalty" ^^ As the natives got ready to serve A midget explorer named Merve; 'This meal will be brief,' Said the cannibal chief, 'For this is at best an hors d'oeuvre.' --Ed Cunningham When Salvador Dali was offered his first raw oyster, he shuddered and remarked, "I'd as soon eat a piece of Mae West!" --In Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard (eds.) _Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ [rev. ed. 2000]. I ate umble pie with an appetite. --Charles Dickens (1812—1870) English novelist. _David Copperfield_, ch. 39 [1850] I confess, that nothing frightens me more than the appearance of mushrooms on the table, especially in a small provincial town. --attributed to Alexandre Dumas (1802—1870) French novelist and dramatist. The battle to feed humanity is over. In the 1970s the world will undergo famines . . . hundreds of millions of people (including Americans) are going to starve to death. --Paul R. Ehrlich (b. 1932) American entomologist and author. Prologue _The Population Bomb_ [1968] How to eat spinach like a child. Divide into piles. Rearrange again into piles. After five or six manoeuvres, sit back and say you are full. --Delia Ephron (b. 1944) American screenwriter and author. "New York Times" [1983], as quoted in Carol Turkington _The Quotable Woman_ [2000]. [Of cheese:] Milk's leap toward immortality. --Clifton Fadiman (1904—1999) American critic and author. _Any Number Can Play_ [1957] - [Tillie Winterbottom (Alison Skipworth):] Do you like children? [Augustus Q. Winterbottom (W.C. Fields):] I do if they're properly cooked. --"Tillie and Gus" [1933 film] Screenplay by Walter DeLeon & Francis Martin. [Cuthbert J. Twillie (W.C. Fields):] During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. Compelled to live on food and water for several days. "My Little Chickadee" [1940 film] Screenplay by Mae West & W.C. Fields. - How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? French fries. --James French (1936—1966) American convict. Electrocuted in Oklahoma [1966]. Quoted in Laura Ward _Famous Last Words: The Ultimate Collection of Finales and Farewells_ [2004]. This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one. This is an emergency. --Latreasa L. Goodman One of three 911 calls she made to Florida police to insist upon a refund when her local McDonalds was out of nuggets, msn.com [4 March 2009]. I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this. --Thomas J. Grasso, a convicted killer who was executed March 20, 1995 in Oklahoma. His last meal fell short of expectation. Quoted in Laura Ward _Famous Last Words: The Ultimate Collection of Finales and Farewells_ [2004]. As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. --attributed to Joan Gussow (b. 1928) American organic-food advocate and professor. My mother's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. --attributed to Buddy Hackett [Leonard Hacker] (1924—2003) American comic. ^ One day S. I. (Samuel Ichiye) Hayakawa was dismayed to learn that a large American fast- food chain had opened its one hundredth restaurant in Japan, his ancestral home. 'It seems,' Hayakawa declared, 'a terrible price to pay for Pearl Harbor!' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_, edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000]. ^ I want there to be no peasant in my kingdom so poor that he is unable to have a chicken in his pot every Sunday. --Henri IV [Henry of Naverre] (1553—1610) King of France [1589—1610]. In Hardouin de Péréfixe _Histoire de Henry le Grand_ [1681]. Conversation is the enemy of good wine and food. --Alfred Hitchcock (1899—1980) British-born film director. _Time_ [9 October 1978] We never eat anybody's health, always drink it. Why should we not stand up now and then and eat a tart to somebody's success? --Jerome K. Jerome (1859—1927) English novelist and playwright. _The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow; A Book for an Idle Holiday_ [1892] - Cucumber should be well sliced, and dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out, as good for nothing. --Samuel Johnson (1709—1784) English poet, critic, and lexicographer. [5 October 1773], in James Boswell _The Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides_ [1786] A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek. --Samuel Johnson (1709—1784) English poet, critic, and lexicographer. Quoted in Sir John Hawkins _Life of Samuel Johnson_ [1787]. - ^ Walter Savage Landor (1775—1864) British poet, essayist, and critic. Landor's cook displeased his master one day by serving an indifferent meal. Landor in a passion threw him through an open window. The cook landed awkwardly in the flower bed below and broke a limb. Landor cried out, 'Good God, I forgot the violets!' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ While it is undeniably true that people love a surprise, it is equally true that they are seldom pleased to suddenly and without warning happen upon a series of prunes in what they took to be a normal loin of pork. --Fran Lebowitz (b. 1946) American humorist. _Metropolitan Life_ [1978] ^ There was a young lady of Malta Who strangled her aunt with a halter. She said, "I won't bury her; She'll do for my terrier; She'll keep for a month if I salt her." --anon. ^ [To a waiter who had spilled soup on her dress:] Never darken my Dior again. --Beatrice Lillie (1894—1989) Canadian actress and comedienne. Quoted in "Time" (mag.) [1972]. It's a very odd thing, As odd as can be; That whatever Miss T. eats, Turns into Miss T. --Walter de la Mare (1873—1956) English poet, short story writer and novelist. "Miss T." in _Peacock Pie: A Book of Rhymes_ [1913] I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are. --attributed to Groucho [Julius Henry] Marx (1895—1977) American film comedian. - "Ballad of Culinary Frustration" by Phyllis McGinley _The Saturday Evening Post_ [12 November 1938] The world is full of wistful ones who hoard their souvenirs. The spinster keeps a faded rose through all the faded years, A travel folder lures the clerk while he dreams of a foreign sky, But I preserve the recipes I'll never dare to try. Vichyssoise, bouillabaisse, Terrapin mousse, Cucumber hollandaise, Staffordshire goose, Oh, the ginger, the clove, Oh, the sauces well-shaken! But here on my stove Lies the liver-and-bacon. On idle days, on rainy days, when all the world is shut out, I con the yellowed clippings of the recipes I've cut out. And lovingly I memorize directions neatly pasted, For scones and soups and savories I've never even tasted. With eggs and with sirup, With herbs and with cream, In fancy I stir up An epicure's dream Of Netherland crumb cakes, Of sweetbreads-in-mustard; Of pasties and plumcakes And Devonshire custard. Oh, some folks dote on serious tomes, some read romances rippling, But a cookbook is my Odyssey, my Shakespeare, and my Kipling. For while I baste the leg of lamb or stir the tapioca, I'm visioning a a vol-au-vent, or a nougat à la Mocha -- Some gossamer trifle That gourmets adore, As French as the Eiffel (And probably more), Like mushrooms with spices And artichoke hearts, And aspics and ices And shortbreads and tarts, With crusts that are thinner Than sea foam on top . . . My menu for dinner? We're having a chop. - ^ Mary had a little lamb, A lobster and some prunes, A glass of wine, a piece of pie A plate of macaroons. She gobbled up a sponge cake, And what else we don't know. But when they carried Mary out Her face was white as snow. --anon. ^ On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. --George Mikes (1912—1987) Hungarian-born British author. _How to Be an Alien_ [1946] Be plain in dress, and sober in your diet; In short, my deary, kiss me! and be quiet. --Lady Mary Wortley Montagu [née Pierrepont] (1689—1762) English writer. "A Summary of Lord Lyttleton's Advice to a Lady" ^^ John Pierpont Morgan, Sr. (1837—1913) American banker, financier, and benefactor of the arts. Morgan's nose was disfigured by a skin disease that made it swollen and fiery. People, while pretending politely not to notice anything extraordinary, were nonetheless mesmerized by it. There is the story of the nervous hostess at the tea table , who inquired, "Do you take nose in your tea, Mr. Morgan?" --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^^ No man is lonely while eating spaghetti — it requires too much attention. --Christopher Morley (1890—1957) American journalist, novelist, and poet. Quoted in "Life" (mag.) [24 October 1969]. Death may be inevitable but cruelty is not. If we must eat meat, then we must ensure that the animals we kill for our food live the best possible lives before they die. --Desmond Morris (b. 1928) English anthropologist and author. _The Animal Contract_ [1990] There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. --Dwight Morrow (1873—1931) American lawyer, banker, and diplomat. "San Francisco News" [1 June 1949] I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward. --John Mortimer (1923—2009) English barrister and author. Attributed by David Shaw "My Year of Eating Dangerously", article in _L.A. Times_ [14 April 2004]. If you don't need them, don't feed them. That goes for cats, rats, mother-in-laws and so forth. --James Murphy, rodent control officer, Washington, D.C., in "New York Times," [10 August 1985]. Parsley Is gharsley. --Ogden Nash (1902—1971) American writer of humorous poetry. _Good Intentions_ [1942] "Further Reflection on Parsley" I can neither eat nor sleep for thinking of You, my dearest love. I never touch even pudding. --Horatio Nelson (1758—1805) British naval commander. Letter to Lady Emma Hamilton [1800]. I don't like to eat snails. I prefer fast food. --Roger von Oech American creativity and motivational speaker and author. _A Kick in the Seat of the Pants_ [1996] - [M]ost vegetables are something God invented to let women get even with their children. --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _The Bachelor Home Companion_ [1987] A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussel sprouts never do. --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _The Bachelor Home Companion_ [1987] Will somebody please tell me what's the matter with McDonald's? It's not like the Europeans don't line up by the millions to eat there. Maybe McDonald's food isn't the best thing for you, but roasted goose liver smooshed up with truffles isn't either. And has anyone ever smoked a joint and had a "pate' de foie gras" attack? --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _Holidays in Hell_ [1988] I was . . . overwhelmed by the amazing stink of kimchi, the garlic and hot-pepper sauerkraut that's breakfast, lunch and dinner in Korea. Its odor rises from this nation of 40 million in a miasma of eyeglass-fogging kimchi breath, throat-searing kimchi burps and terrible, pants-splitting kimchi farts. . . . The Koreans are ... perfectly capable of a three- hour lunch, and so are Giannini and I. We ordered dozens of bowls of pickles, garlics, red peppers and hot sauces and dozens of plates of spiced fish and vegetables and great big bottles of OB beer and mixed it all with kimchi so strong it would have sent a Mexican screaming from the room with tongue in flames. By the time we drove, weaving, back to Seoul, you could have used our breath to clean your oven. --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _Holidays in Hell_ [1988], "Seoul Brothers" - end page | FACE - FAME | FAILURE | FAMILIARITY - FANTASY | FARMING - FATHERS | FAULT/FAULTS - FEELINGS | FEMINISTS - FIFTIES (THE) | FIFTY - FLAG | FLATTERY - FOLLOWERS | FOOD & DRINK - PAGE 1 (A-O) | FOOD & DRINK - PAGE 2 (P-Z) | FOOLS / FOOLISH | FOOTBALL - FORESIGHT | FOREST - FRAUDS | FREE - FREEDOM OF THOUGHT | FREEDOM | FREUD - FRIENDS | FRUGAL - FUTURE | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The Reviews | |
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