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EPITAPHS
EQUALITY / EQUAL RIGHTS

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EPITAPHS

see "DEATH" for related links


They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.
{particularly associated with Remembrance Day services}
--Laurence Binyon (1869—1943)
English poet.
"For the Fallen" [1914]

And when he goes to heaven,
To Saint Peter he will tell:
Another Marine reporting, sir;
I've served my time in hell!
--Epitaph on grave of Pfc. Cameron of
the U.S. Marine Corps, Guadalcanal [1942]

And when I lie in the green kirkyard,
With the mould upon my breast,
Say not that 'She did well — or ill,'
Only, 'She did her best.'
--Dinah Mulock Craik (1826—1887)
English writer and poet.
{Lines from one of her poems repeated at her eulogy.}

His form was of the manliest beauty,
His heart was kind and soft,
Faithful, below, he did his duty;
But now he's gone aloft.
--Charles Dibdin (1745—1814)
British actor and dramatist.
_Tom Bowling_

For there is no day however beautiful
that is not followed by night.
--On the tombstone of Jean d'Orbesan in Padua, Italy.

Here lies my wife: here let her lie!
Now she's at rest, and so am I.
--John Dryden (1631—1700)
English poet, critic, and dramatist.
(Epitaph intended for his wife.)

When you go home, tell them of us and say,
'For your tomorrows, these gave their today.'
{particularly associated with the dead of the Burma
campaign of WWII}
--John Maxwell Edmonds (1875—1958)
English classicist.
"Inscriptions Suggested for War Memorials" [1919]

On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
--W. C. Fields [William Claude Dukenfield]
(1880—1946) American vaudeville star and film actor.

Here Skugg
Lies snug
As a bug
In a rug.
--Benjamin Franklin (1706—1790)
American politician, inventor, and scientist.
Epitaph for Miss Georgiana Shipley's pet squirrel,
in a letter to her [26 September 1772].

Life's race well run,
Life's work well done,
Life's crown well won,
Now comes rest.
--Epitaph of James A. Garfield (1831—1881)
20th President of the United States [1881].

Life is a jest, and all things show it,
I thought so once, but now I know it.
--John Gay (1685—1732)
English poet and dramatist.
_My Own Epitaph_

Underneath this pile of stones
Lies the remains of Henry Jones
His name was Smith
It was not Jones
But Jones was put
To rhyme with stones.

-

Over my dead body!
--George S. Kaufman (1889—1961)
American playwright, director, and producer.
His own proposed epitaph, quoted in
Robert E. Drennan _The Algonquin Wits_ [1968].

For more on Algonquin Round Table

-

Free at last, free at last
Thank God almighty
We are free at last.
{epitaph of Martin Luther King, Jr. 1929-1968}
--anon., spiritual with which he ended his
"I have a dream" speech.

Here lies the bones of Richard Lawton
Whose death alas! was strangely brought on.
Trying his corns one day to mow off.
His razor slipped and cut his toe off.
His toe or rather what it grew to,
An inflimation quickly grew to.
Which took alas! to mortifying
And was the cause of Richard's dying.
--gravestone in Plymouth, Massachusetts

John Le Mesurier wishes it to be known that he
conked out on November 15th. He sadly misses
family and friends.
--John Le Mesurier (1912-1983)
Obituary notice in "The TImes" [16 November 1983].

Here lies the body of
John Julius MacFarlane
Drowned in the waters of Leith
By a few affectionate friends.

Here lies Anne Mann; she lived an
Old maid and died an old Mann.
--At Bath Abbey.

If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me
amd have thought to please my ghost, forgive some
sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl.
--H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956)
American journalist and literary critic.
His own proposed epitaph,
in "Smart Set" (magazine) [December 1921].

-

Boothill Cemetary, Tombstone, Ariz.:

Here lies Lester Moore,
Four shots from a forty four
No les, no more.

-

Here lies the remains of James Pady, Brickmaker, in hope
that his clay will be remoulded in a workmanlike manner,
far superior to his former perishable materials.
--At Addiscombe Church, Devonshire, England.

Warm summer sun, shine friendly here;
Warm western wind, blow kindly here;
Green sod above, rest light, rest light —
Good-night, Annette! Sweetheart, good-night.
--Robert Richardson,
_Willow and Wattle_ "Annette"

M.S.
Donald Robertson
Born 1st of January 1785
Died 4th of June 1848
Aged 65 years
He was a peaceable man, and to all appearance
a sincere Christian. His death was much regretted
— which was caused by the stupidity of Lawrence
Tulloch of Clotherton who sold him nitre instead
of Epsom salts by which he was killed in the
space of three hours after taking a dose of it.
--epitaph on gravestone in Cross Kirk, Shetland

-

It is so soon that I am done for,
I wonder what I was begun for.
--For a child aged three weeks,
Cheltenham Churchyard, England

-

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can the floods drown it.
--Song of Songs 8:7, epitaph (engraved on
memorial in a Bronx cemetary) for Isidor and
Ida Straus who died on the Titanic. Ida (63)
twice had the opportunity to take a place on
a lifeboat but chose to stay with her husband
instead. She insisted that her maid take her
place on the lifeboat and handed the young
woman her fur coat saying, "I won't need this
anymore."

Here lies one who meant well,
tried a little, failed much.
--Robert Louis Stevenson (1850—1894)
Scottish essayist, poet, and novelist.
"A Christmas Sermon"

I always remember an epitaph which is in the cemetery
at Tombstone, Arizona. It says: “Here lies Jack Williams.
He has done his damnedest.” I think that is the greatest
epitaph a man can have — when he gives everything that
is in him to do the job he has before him. That is all you
can ask of him and that is what I have tried to do … I
studied the lives of great men and famous women;
and I found that the men and women who got to the
top were those who did the jobs they had in hand,
with everything they had of energy, enthusiasm and
hard work.
--Harry S. Truman (1884—1972)
American Democratic statesman, President of the U.S. [1945—1953].
In Meiji Stewart
_Shoot for the Moon_, p. 150 [2000].

He first deceased; she for a little tried
To live without him, liked it not, and died.
--Henry Wotton (1568—1639)
English poet and diplomat.
_Upon the Death of Sir Albertus Morton's Wife_

-

Here I lies, and no wonder I'm dead,
For the wheel of a wagon went
over my head.

Here lies Cynthia, Steven's wife
She lived six years in calm and strife.
Death came at last and set her free,
I was glad and so was she.
--gravestone in Hollis, New Hampshire

Lelio is buried here; He was born,
he lived, he died.

My time was come!
My days were spent!
I was called away —
and away I went!

A thousand ways cut short our days,
None are exempt from death.
A honey-bee by stinging me
Did stop my mortal breath.
--gravestone in Orange County, New York

To all my friends I bid adieu,
A more sudden death you never knew
As I was leading the old mare to drink,
She kicked, and killed me quicker'n a wink.

It was a cough
That carried me off,
But it was a coffin
They carried me off in.

His foot did slip and he did fall
help help he cried and that was all.
--on a smuggler's gravestone near
PenArrow beach Cornwall Uk

Played five aces
Now playing the harp
--Boot Hill, Dodge City

Rest in peace. The mistake shall not
be repeated.
--anon., inscription on the cenotaph
at Hiroshima, Japan

Here lies one Wood
Enclosed in Wood
One Wood within another.
One of these Woods is very good:
We cannot praise the other.
--Epitaph

Epitaph: Irritating reminder that someone
else always has the last word.
--anon.

You who come my grave to view,
A moment stop and think,
That I am in eternity,
And you are on the brink.
--Unknown




EQUAL RIGHTS / EQUALITY

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see: "BIGOTRY"
see: "BROTHERLY LOVE"
see: "CLASS"
see: "JUSTICE"
see: "PREJUDICE"
see: "SLAVERY"
see: "TOLERANCE"
see "FREEDOM" for other related links


It is really mortifying, sir, when a woman possessed of a common share
of understanding considers the difference of education between the male
and female sex, even in those families where education is attended to ....
Nay, why should your sex wish for such a disparity in those whom they
one day intend for companions and associates?
--Abigail Adams (1744—1818)
American first lady [1797—1801], the wife of
John Adams, second president of the United
States, and the mother of John Quincy Adams,
the sixth president of the United States.
Letter to John Thaxter [15 Februarry 1778].

In every society where property exists, there will ever be
a struggle between rich and poor. Mixed in one assembly,
equal laws can never be expected. They will either be
made by numbers, to plunder the few who are rich, or
by influence, to fleece the many who are poor.
--John Adams (1735—1826)
First VP and second President of the United States.
_A Defense of the Constitutions of Government
of the United States of America_ [1787—1788]

Join the union, girls, and together say
'Equal Pay for Equal Work.'
--Susan B(rownwell) Anthony (1820—1906)
American crusader for the woman suffrage movement.
in "The Revolution" (woman suffrage newspaper) [18 March 1869]

There is no method by which men
can be both free and equal.
--Walter Bagehot (1826—1877)
British economist and essayist.
In "The Economist" [5 September 1863].

The sole equality on earth is death.
--Philip James Bailey (1816—1902)
English poet.

What makes equality such a difficult business is that we only
want it with our superiors.
--Henry Becque (1837—1899)
French dramatist.
_Querelles litteraires_ [1890]

-

Frank: Anything you can do, I can do better.
Annie: I can do any thing better than you.
F: No you can't.
A: Yes I can.
F: No you can't.
A: Yes I can.
F: No you can't.
A: Yes I can, yes I can. . . .

F: I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.
A: I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.
F: I can do most anything.
A: Can you bake a pie?
F: No.
A: Neither can I.

--Irving Berlin (1888—1989)
American songwriter.
"Anything You Can Do" Song from the 1946 play
_Annie Get Your Gun_

-

If the wife should say to her husband, 'I no longer want you for
my husband,' she is to be thrown into the water with her hands
and feet tied. On the other hand, if he should say, 'I no longer
want you for my wife,' he is to pay her 80 grams of silver.
--marriage contract [c. 1700 B.C.],
in Jean Bottιro _Everyday Life in Ancient Mesopotamia_ [2001], p. 115.

Is it better to have equality at the price of
poverty or well-being at the price of inequality?
--Winston Churchill (1874—1965)
British Conservative statesman and
Prime Minister [1940—1945, 1951—1955].
In James C. Humes _The Wit & Wisdom of Winston Churchill_.

He once sailed into the Newport, California, harbor and took his
skipper along with him into the yacht club bar. An official beckoned
him aside and intimated that a respectable yacht club was no place to
bring his "paid hands." [Humphrey] Bogart called for his bar check
and on the back of it wrote out his resignation.
--Alistair Cooke [Alfred Cooke] (1908—2004)
British-born American broadcater and journalist.
_Six Men_

Equality, in a social sense, may be divided into that of condition
and that of rights. Equality of condition is incompatible with
civilization, and is found only to exist in those communities
that are but slightly removed from the savage state. in practice,
it can only mean a common misery.
--James Fenimore Cooper (1789—1851)
American novelist.
_The American Democrat_ [1838]

Nature smiles at the union of freedom and equality
in our utopias. For freedom and equality are sworn
and everlasting enemies, and when one prevails the
other dies. Leave men free, and their natural
inequalities will multiply almost geometrically, as
in England and America in the nineteenth century
under laissez-faire. To check the growth of inequality,
liberty must be sacrificed, as in Russia after 1917.
Even when repressed, inequality grows; only the
man who is below the average in economic ability
desires equality; those who are conscious of superior
ability desire freedom, and in the end superior ability
has its way.
--Will [William James] Durant (1885—1981)
& Ariel Durant (1898—1981)
American husband and wife writing collaborators whose
_Story of Civilization_ 11 vol. [1935—1975], established
them among the best known writers of popular
philosophy and history. {EB}
_The Lessons of History_

^^

Edward Everett (1794—1865)
U.S. statesman and orator.

When Everett was president of Harvard, a storm arose
over the proposed admission of a Negro to the college.
Everett replied, 'If this boy passes the examination
he will be admitted; and if the white students choose
to withdraw, all the income of the college with be
devoted to his education.'

--_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_

^^

The majestic equality of laws forbids the rich
as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to
beg in the streets and to steal bread.
--Anatole France [Jacques Anatole Thibault] (1844—1924)
French novelist, man of letters, and winner of the Nobel
Prize for Literature in 1921.

A society that puts equality . . . ahead of
freedom will end up with neither equality
nor freedom.
--Milton Friedman (1912—2006)
American laissez-faire economist;
winner of the 1976 Nobel Prize for Economics.
_Free to Choose_ [1979] w/ Rose Friedman

Wherever there is a human being, I see God-given
rights inherent in that being, whatever may be the
sex or complexion.
--William Lloyd Garrison (1805—1879)
American abolitionist and reformer.
In _William Lloyd Garrison , 1905-79:
The Story of His His Life Told by His Children_ [1885-1889].

When every one is somebodee,
Then no one's anybody.
--W. S. Gilbert (1836—1911)
English writer of comic and satirical verse.
"The Gondoliers" [1889]

We are not all equal, nor can we be so.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749—1832)
German poet, novelist, and playwright.

Inequality will exist as long as liberty exists. It
unavoidably results from that very liberty itself.
--Alexander Hamilton (1755or57—1804)
New York delegate to the Constitutional Convention,
major author of the _Federalist Papers_, and first
secretary of the Treasury of the United States [1789-1795].

The struggle for equal opportunity in America is the
struggle for America's soul. The ugliness of bigotry
stands in direct contradiction to the very meaning
of America.
--Hubert H. Humphrey (1911—1978)
38th vice-president of the United States
[1965—1969] and liberal senator [1949—1965
& 1971—1978].
_Beyond Civil Rights — A New Day of Equality_ [1968]

HELMER: First and foremost, you are a wife and mother.
NORA: That I don't believe any more. I believe that
first and foremost I am an individual, just as much as
you are.
--Henrik Ibsen (1828—1906)
Norwegian playwright.
_A Doll's House_ [1879], Act III

Freedom is not enough. You do not wipe away
the scars of centuries by saying: Now you are
free to go where you want, and do as you desire,
and choose the leaders you please. You do not
take a person who for years has been hobbled
by chains and liberate him, bring him to the
starting line of a race and then say, "you are
free to compete with all the others, "and still
justly believe that you have been completely
fair. Thus it is not enough just to open the
gates of opportunity. All citizens must have
the ability to walk through these gates. This
is the next and most profound stage of the
battle for civil rights. We seek not just legal
equity but human stability, not just equality
as a right and a theory but equality as a fact
and equality as a result.
--Lyndon B. Johnson (1908—1973)
American Democratic statesman, President [1963—1969].

The urge to distribute wealth equally, and still
more the belief that it can be brought about by
political action, is the most dangerous of all
popular emotions. It is the legitimation of envy,
of all the deadly sins the one which a stable
society based on consensus should fear the
most. The monster state is a source of many
evils; but it is, above all, an engine of envy.
--Paul Johnson (1928— )
British historian.
_The Recovery of Freedom _ [1980]

-

Sir, your levellers wish to level down as far as
themselves: but they cannot bear levelling up
to themselves. They would all have some people
under them; why not then have some people
above them?
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.
In James Boswell _The Life of Samuel Johnson_ [1791].


So far is it from being true that men are naturally equal,
that no two people can be half an hour together but one
shall acquire an evident superiority over the other.
--Samuel Johnson (1709—1784)
English poet, critic, and lexicographer.
In James Boswell _The Life of Samuel Johnson_ [1791] "15 February 1766."

-

Democracy does not guarantee equality of
conditions — it only guarantees equality of
opportunity.
--Irving Kristol (1920— )
American founder of the neoconservative movement.

Women who insist upon having the same options as
men would do well to consider the option of being the
strong, silent type.
--Fran Lebowitz (1946— )
American humorist.

Many women, particularly young women, have claimed the right
to use the most explicit sex terms, including extremely vulgar
ones, in public as well as private. But it is men, far more than
women, who have been liberated by this change. For now that
women use these terms, men no longer need to watch their own
language in the presence of women. But is this a gain for women?
--Margaret Mead (1901—1978)
American anthropologist.

Equality for women? That is madness. Women are our
property; we are not theirs. They give us children. . .
and belong to us as the fruit-bearing tree belongs to
the gardener.
--Napoleon I (1769—1821)
Emperor of France [1804—1815].
_In the Words of Napoleon_ p. 104,
tr. Daniel Savage Gray [1977]

-

Attorney addressing the Supreme Court:
I would like to remind you gentlemen of a legal point.

Justice O'Connor:
Would you like to remind me, too?

--Sandra Day O'Connor (1930— )
American lawyer, politician, and first woman to
become a United States Supreme Court justice [1981—2006].

-

-

Throughout recorded time, and probably since the end of the Neolithic
Age, there have been three kinds of people in the world, the High, the
Middle, and the Low. They have been subdivided in many ways, they
have borne countless different names, and their relative numbers, as
well as their attitude toward one another, have varied from age to age;
but the essential structure of society has never altered. Even after
enormous upheavals and seemingly irrevocable changes, the same
pattern has always reasserted itself, just as a gyroscope will always
return to equilibrium, however far it is pushed one way or the other.
The aims of these three groups are entirely irreconcilable. The aim
of the High is to remain where they are. The aim of the Middle is to
change places with the High. The aim of the Low, when they have
an aim — for it is an abiding characteristic of the Low that they are
too much crushed by drudgery to be more than intermittently
conscious of anything outside their daily lives — is to abolish all
distinctions and create a society in which all men shall be equal.
Thus throughout history a struggle which is the same in its main
outlines recurs over and over again. For long periods the High
seem to be securely in power, but sooner or later there always
comes a moment when they lose either their belief in themselves,
or their capacity to govern efficiently, or both. They are then
overthrown by the Middle, who enlist the Low on their side by
pretending to them that they are fighting for liberty and justice.
As soon as they have reached their objective, the Middle thrust
the Low back into their old position of servitude, and themselves
become the High. Presently a new Middle group splits off from
one of the other groups, or from both of them, and the struggle
begins over again. Of the three groups, only the Low are never
even temporarily successful in achieving their aims. It would be
an exaggeration to say that throughout history there has been no
progress of a material kind. Even today, in a period of decline,
the average human being is physically better off than he was a
few centuries ago. But no advance in wealth, no softening of
manners, no reform or revolution has ever brought human
equality a millimeter nearer. From the point of view of the law,
no historic change has ever meant much more than a change in
the name of the masters.
--George Orwell [Eric Blair] (1903—1950)
English novelist.
_Nineteen Eighty-Four_ [1949], pt. 2, ch. 9


All animals are equal but some animals
are more equal than others.
--George Orwell [Eric Blair] (1903—1950)
English novelist.
_Animal Farm_ [1945]

-

In one generation we have moved from denying a black
man service at a lunch counter to elevating one to
the highest military office in the nation, and to
being a serious contender for the presidency. This
is a magnificent country and I am proud to be one of
its sons.
--Colin L. Powell (1937— )
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff [1989-1993]
and Secretary of State [2001-2005].
(At a news conference in Alexandria, VA, where he
announced his decision not to seek the presidential
nomination [8 November 1995].)

Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater,
Had a wife and tried to beat her;
But his wife was a suffragette,
And Peter's in the hospital yet.
--Progressive era jingle,
in Peter Jennings and Todd Brewster _The Century_ [1998] p. 27.

I fought beside the colored troops at Santiago, and
I hold that if a man is good enough to be put up and
shot at, then he is good enough for me to do what
I can to get him a square deal.
--Theodore Roosevelt (1858—1919)
American Republican statesman and President [1901—1909].
In M.J. Cohan and John Major {eds.}
_History in Quotations_ [2004] p. 642.
Cohan & Major add:
The phrase 'square deal' became the hallmark of Roosevelt's
presidency. On 16 Oct. 1901, shortly after becoming president,
Roosevelt had Booker T. Washington to dinner in the White
House, the first black man to be entertained there. Roosevelt
could do little, however, to improve the plight of blacks in
general during his time in office. The president had, as head
of his volunteer cavalry squadron of 'Rough Riders', taken part
in the Battle of Santiago in the Spanish-American war of 1898.

In America everybody is of opinion that he has no social
superiors, since all men are equal, but he does not admit
that he has no social inferiors, for, from the time of
Jefferson onward, the doctrine that all men are equal
applies only upwards, not downwards.
--Bertrand Russell (1872—1970)
British philosopher, mathematician, and Nobel laureate.
_Unpopular Essays_ [1950], ch. X
"Ideas That Have Harmed Mankind"

Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions,
senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with
the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the
same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer,
as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle
us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you
wrong us, shall we not revenge?
--William Shakespeare (1564—1616)
English dramatist.
_The Merchant of Venice_ [1596-1598]

-

The Declaration of Independence states unequivocally
that all men are created equal. Yet every day I
find reason to believe this to be untrue. I run in
a race and half the field beats me. I attend a
seminar and can't follow the reasoning of the
speaker. I read a book and I am unable to
understand what is evident to others. Daily I am
instructed in my deficiencies. I do something,
physical or mental, and realize how far I fall short
of what other people accomplish.

Despite the Declaration, we are apparently not born
equal. I cannot aspire to win the Boston Marathon.
I most certainly will not receive the Nobel Prize
for literature. I am surrounded by people who know
more, do more, and make more than I do. But, like
many others, I identify myself with my performance.
I become my marathon time. I become my latest book.
I become the last lecture I gave. . . .

But I am more than a body-mind complex. I am a soul
as well. I share with everyone on this planet one
power infinitely more important than talent:
willpower. In this power of the soul, all of us are
created equal. . . .

The will considers the question, Will you or won't
you have it so? And in that decision you can be the
equal of anyone else. "Effort is the measure of a
man," wrote [William] James. How well we know that.
I am never content with contentment. I am uneasy
when things go easy.

"Don't take things easy," said a great physician,
"take things hard." Doing one's absolute best
becomes the criterion.

--George Sheehan, M.D. (1918—1993)
_Personal Best_ [1989], "The Many Levels of Motivation"

-

Woman once made equal to man becomes his superior.
--Socrates (470?—399 B.C.)
Greek philosopher.

Women are not going to be equal outside
the home until men are equal in it.
--Gloria Steinem (1934— )
American feminist, jounalist, and founder of "Ms." magazine.

The mind of the thinker and the student is driven
to admit, though it be awe-struck by apparent
injustice, that this inequality is the work of God.
Make all men equal to-day, and God has so
created them that they shall be all unequal
to-morrow.
--Anthony Trollope (1815—1882)
English novelist [son of Frances Trollope].

-

From the fact that people are very different it follows that,
if we treat them equally, the result must be inequality in
their actual position, and that the only way to place them
in an equal position would be to treat them differently.

Equality before the law and material equality are therefore
not only different but are in conflict which each other;
and we can achieve either one or the other, but not both
at the same time.

--Friedrich A. von Hayek (1899—1992)
Austrian-born British economist; co-winner of the
1974 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics.

-

To separate [black children] from others of similar
age and qualifications solely because of their race
generates a feeling of inferiority as to their status
in the community that may affect their hearts and
minds in a way unlikely ever to be undone. . . .In
the field of public education the doctrine of 'separate
but equal' has no place. Separate educational facilities
are inherently unequal.
--Earl Warren (1891—1974)
American jurist, the 14th Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court [1953-1969].
Supreme Court decision, Brown v. Board of Education [1954].

You can't hold a man down without
staying down with him.
--attributed to Booker T. Washington (1856—1915)
African-American educator.

Women have the right to work wherever they
want, as long as they have the dinner ready
when you get home.
--John Wayne [Marion Michael Morrison] (1907—1979)
American motion-picture actor.

The condition of women affords in all countries the
best criterion by which to judge the character of
men.
--Frances Wright [Fanny Wright] (1795—1852)
Scottish-born American social reformer.
_Views of Society and Manners in America_ [1821]


TOPICAL

Last month, several thousand women took to the streets of Tehran protesting their
unequal status under a constitution which gives them no right to divorce and deems
the value of a woman's testimony in the courtroom as half of a man's.
--Roya Hakakian
"The Real Iranian Threat"
_The Wall Street Journal_, July 15, 2006

-

^

"Skirt Steak"
By Quentin Letts
_The Wall Street Journal_ [9 January 2007]

LONDON -- These being liberated times we should maybe not be too surprised about a former warrant officer slipping into stockings, frilly collar, gorgeously braided coat and an elaborate bonnet. Have the British not always had a leaning towards, ahem, that type of behavior? Yet the appointment of 38-year-old Moira Campbell as a "Member of the Sovereign Body Guard of the Yeomen Guard Extraordinary" -- otherwise known as the Beefeaters of old London town -- has been reported around the world.

Since their foundation over half a millennium ago the Beefeaters have been exclusively male. Moira Campbell, in other words, is about to become the first "yeowoman," even if
she won't be called that.

Beefeaters date back to 1485 when Henry VII, father of the bottom-pinching, wife-beheading Henry VIII, occupied the English throne. The Tudor dynasty, we may conclude, had an old-fashioned attitude to women. Manhattan psychotherapists might say the Tudors had "issues."

The etymology of "Beefeater" is unclear. It may have something to do with a meat ration the royal body guard received or it may owe its origins to buffetier, a French word for an aristocrat's security detail.

All-chap was the way things remained with the Beefeaters until a recent retirement created a vacancy in the 35-strong corps. The supposition may have been that another bearded, plump man would be appointed but ex-soldier Ms. Campbell applied for the job and beat five other candidates on merit.

The only qualification needed to become a Beefeater is a minimum of 22 years in the British armed forces. There is nothing in the rules about gender. Hence the breaking of centuries of tradition. In Britain itself the news has created little comment (we long ago snapped to the inevitability of female world domination) but newspapers around the globe have been seized by the story. Beefeaters, perhaps thanks to the brand of gin, seem to symbolize much that was once Britain. A Beefeaterene was news.

Beefeaters started as a 15th-century equivalent of the square-jawed, heat-packing heavies who shield the modern U.S. president from (in no particular order of priority) would-be assassins, autograph hunters and lobbyists. From those early days Beefeaters were equipped with "partisans," a form of sharp-pointed stick which was the medieval world's must-have piece of defense kit. If there had been a Northrop Grumman in the mid-1480s it would, rest assured, have had a flourishing sales division specializing in partisans.

These days the Yeomen Guard Extraordinary still carry the partisans but their role is more peaceful. Little more than glorified tourist guides, they can be found most days talking to tourists at the Tower of London. Beefeaters also tend to pop up at smart civic occasions and, most notably, at Westminster's State Opening of Parliament, when they stand near the throne to hear the queen lay forth the British government's legislative program for the year.

Scary, they are not. Some light marching is involved at the state opening but having watched them over the years I'd say it more closely resembles mincing. Moira Campbell may well find, when she takes up office in September, that although she is the first dame yeoman ever, she is by no means the most ladylike of her colorfully attired new colleagues.

Mr. Letts is parliamentary sketch-writer for the Daily Mail of London.

^

-----

commensurate [kuh-MEN(T)S-uhr-it], adjective:
1. Equal in measure, extent, or duration.
2. Corresponding in size or degree or extent; proportionate.
3. Having a common measure; commensurable; reducible
to a common measure; as, commensurate quantities.


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