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. . . Photograph: The Supreme Court in Washington D.C. see "CRIME & PUNISHMENT" for related links An appeal, Hinnissy, is where ye ask wan court to show its contempt f'r another coort. --Finley Peter Dunne (18671936) American journalist and humorist. _Mr. Dooley Says_ "The Big Fine" [1907] ^^ The jury of 1900 was a rather different beast from the jury of 2000. To begin with, it looked different. No women served on it, for example. This was by law. In the South, no blacks served on the jury not by law, but by "custom" (often backed up by force, real or implied). There was also a somewhat different theory of selection. In Kentucky, to take one instance, a juror was supposed to be a "housekeeper, sober, temperate, discreet and of good demeanor." In Maine, municipal officers drew up the jury lists. Selection was hardly random: jurors had to be men of "good moral character, of sound judgment and well informed." By law, in Connecticut, men "esteemed in their community" were supposed to make up the jury. Under the New York Code of Civil Procedure, early in the century, the jurors in New York City were required to be "intelligent." The code did not offer a definition of the term. As one New York judge put it (in a criminal case), it was important to get smart, honest men on the jury, people who read newspapers and to keep out the "ignorant classes." Alabama vested power in jury commissioners (three per county, appointed by the governor), who (as of the 1920s) were required to list, in a "well bound book," all "male citizens ... who are generally reputed to be honest and intelligent men, and are esteemed in the community for their integrity, good character and sound judgment." Needless to say, no black man ever met this description. In New York a court could order a "special" jury for "intricate" or important cases and these juries were heavily weighted with businessmen and professionals. Women, laborers, and service personnel rarely appeared. The Supreme Court upheld the practice in 1947. --Lawrence M. Friedman (1930 ) _American Law in the 20th Century_ [2002] Ch. 9 "Courts, Trials, and Procedures in the Twentieth Century" pp. 264-265 ^^ A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. --Robert Frost (18741963) American poet. Attributed in Evan Esar _The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations_ [1949]. The flowers that bloom in the spring, Tra la, Have nothing to do with the case. --W. S. Gilbert (18361911) English writer of comic and satirical verse. _The Mikado_, act 2 [1885] ^^ Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any. --from a court transcript in Mary Louise Gilman, _Humor in the Court_ [1977] Here then are some more humorous moments in court as compiled by Ms. Gilman in the already mentioned book and and later in _More Humor in the Court_ : "Have you anything to offer the court before sentence is passed upon you?" asks the judge of the prisoner. "No, Your Honor. My lawyer took my last dollar." - Judge: I know you, don't I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie. - From a defendant representing himself... Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse? Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse. Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance. - Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant? Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens. - Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys? Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth. Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution. Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth too. - Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can't they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it. - Lawyer: Tell us about the fight. Witness: I didn't see no fight. Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see. Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other, and one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife and someone else drew a six-shooter and another guy came up with a rifle that had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling and smoke and bullets. Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas? Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. - Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case. Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion? Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening. - Q. Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A. No. This is how I dress when I go to work. - Q. Are you married? A. No, I'm divorced. Q. And what did your husband do before you divorced him? A. A lot of things I didn't know about. - Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago? A. I refuse to answer that question. Q. Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami? A. No. - Q. Mrs. Smith, do you believe that you are emotionally unstable? A. I should be. Q. How many times have you comitted suicide? A. Four times. - Q. Could you see him from where you were standing? A. I could see his head. Q. And where was his head? A. Just above his shoulders. - Judge: Please identify yourself for the record. Defendant: Colonel Ebenezer Jackson. Judge: What does the "Colonel" stand for? Defendant: Well, it's kinda like the "Honorable" in front of your name. Not a damn thing. - Q. Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? A. Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words. - Q. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? MR. BROOKS: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot. - Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. Defendant: If I called you a sob, what would you do? Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail. Defendant: What if I thought you were a sob? Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking. Defendant: In that case, I think you're an sob. - Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkenness. Have you anything to say in your defense? Defendant: Habitual thirstiness? - An exchange from a court case in Boston, Massachusetts. Lawyer: Did you check the body for signs of life? Doctor: No. Lawyer: Did you check to see whether the body was breathing or not? Doctor: I did not. Lawyer: Did you check the pulse? Doctor: I did not. Lawyer: So how could you be sure the patient was in fact dead? Doctor: His brain was in a jar on my desk. Lawyer: But he could, possibly, have been alive? Doctor: And practising law in Massachusetts. ^^ [When asked in court whether he had memory lapses:] Not that I recall. --Michael Jackson (19582009) American recording artist, entertainer, and businessman. Quoted in _The Sun_ [5 December 2002]. [On his appointment of Herbert O'Brien as a judge:] When I make a mistake, it's a beaut! --Fiorello La Guardia (18821947) American politician who served three terms as mayor of New York City [19331945]. Quoted in N.Y. Times [12 February 1941]. ^^ One day John Marshall and his fellow Supreme Court justices, having heard disturbing rumors of their own excessive drinking, jointly agreed to abstain on their weekly consultation day unless it was raining. The following consultation day, Marshall (the Chief Justice) instructed Joseph Story to go to the window and check for signs of inclement weather. Story soon reported back: "Mr. Chief Justice, I have very carefully examined this case," he declared, "and I have to give it as my opinion that there is not the slightest sign of rain." "Justice Story," Marshall replied, "I think that is the shallowest and most illogical opinion I have ever heard you deliver. You forget that our jurisdiction is as broad as the Republic, and by the laws of nature it must be raining some place in our jurisdiction. Waiter, bring on the rum!" http://www.anecdotage.com/ ^^ The wildest jurist in the Wild West was Judge Roy Bean. A saloon keeper in the remote Texas burg of Langtry, Bean was also a justice of the peace who issued verdicts from a combination courthouse-bar where he sold beer during recesses. Bean's sense of justice often sprang from his pocketbook. He levied fines capriciously once fining a corpse $40 and usually kept the money for himself. And for those found guilty there was no appeal; as the sign over his doorway declared. Bean was literally the "law west of the Pecos." --_The Wild West_ Time-Life Books [1993] p. 145 Court stenographers, or court reporters as they're sometimes called, have been capturing the action at trials for centuries. The first known stenographer was Cicero's secretary, who recorded one of the Roman statesman's speeches on a tablet. Today's court reporters use skills that have their roots in shorthand, or the practice of using symbols instead of letters to record syllables, words and sentences. They have used shorthand machines, or stenotypes, since the late 19th century. --Heather Won Tesoriero in _The Wall Street Journal_ [2005]. ----- abjure [ab-JUR], transitive verb: 1. To renounce under oath. 2. To renounce or reject solemnly; to recant; to reject; repudiate. contumacy (noun) 1. Defiance of authority: flagrant disobedience or rebelliousness 2. Refusal to submit to court's authority: persistent refusal to appear in court or to obey a court order without good reason enjoin [en-JOIN], transitive verb: 1. To direct or impose with authority; to order. 2. To prohibit; to forbid. venire (noun) The panel of prospective jurors from which a jury is selected. Synonyms: panel  . . see "CIVILITY" for related links What fairer cloak than courtesy for fraud? --Sir William Alexander (c. 15761640) Scottish courtier, statesman, and poet. He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. --Saint Basil (330379) Greek religious leader. You kill me so courteously. --Lois McMaster Bujold (1949 ) American science fiction author. _Memory_ [1996] ch. 6 Nothing costs less nor is cheaper than compliments of civility. --Miguel de Cervantes (15471616) Spanish novelist. Great talents, such as honor, virtue, and learning, are above the generality of the world, who neither possess them themselves nor judge of them rightly in others; but all people are judges of the lesser talents, such as civility, affability, and an obliging, agreeable address and manner, because they feel the good effects of them, as making society easy and pleasing. --Lord Chesterfield [Philip Dormer Stanhope] (16941773) British writer and politician. A moral, sensible, and well-bred man, Will not affront me, and no other can. --William Cowper (17311800) English poet and hymnodist. _Conversation_, l. 193 Life is not so short that there is always time enough for courtesy. --Ralph Waldo Emerson (18031882) American philosopher and poet. _Letters and Social Aims_ [1876] ^ [Jack] Nicklaus and [Isao] Aoki ended up playing together [at the 1980 U.S. Open] all four days because they were first and second at the end of play on both Friday and Saturday. And, as it turned out, on Sunday. Hannigan remembers Nicklaus making his birdie putt on 18 on Sunday to clinch both the Open and the Open scoring record. Aoki still had a six-foot birdie putt that appeared meaningless he would be second whether he made it or not. But Nicklaus frantically waved his arms at the crowd to be quiet because he knew that Golf Magazine had offered a $50,000 bonus to everyone who broke the existing scoring record of 275. Aoki made the putt and earned the bonus. "One of Nicklaus's greatest moments, and I think the only ones who understood why were me and [Golf editor] George Peper," Hannigan said. --John Feinstein _Open: Inside the Ropes at Bethpage Black_ [2003] ^ Formal courtesy between husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers. --Robert A(nson) Heinlein (19071988) American science-fiction writer. Strong men can always afford to be gentle. Only the weak are intent on "giving as good as they get." --Elbert Hubbard (18591915) American editor, publisher, and author who died in the sinking of the "Lusitania." 'Courtesy as an Asset' (pamphlet), in Elbert Hubbard's Selected Writings, Part 1. Dissembling courtesy! How fine this tyrant Can tickle where she wounds! --William Shakespeare (15641616) English dramatist. A good word is an easy obligation, but not to speak ill, requires only our silence, which costs us nothing. --John Tillotson (16301694) Archbishop of Canterbury (1691-1694). Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of the pleasures; costs nothing and conveys much. It pleases him who gives and him who receives, and thus, like mercy, is twice blessed. --Erastus Wiman (18341904) Canadian industrialist.  COURTSHIP . . see: "DATING" see: "LOVE & MARRIAGE (OR NOT)" for related links Tom, hinted at his dislike at some trifle his mistress had said; she asked him how he would talk to her after marriage if he talked at this rate before. --Joseph Addison (16721719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. --Honorι de Balzac (17991850) French journalist and writer. _Physiologie du Mariage_ [1829] I am Tarzan of the Apes. I want you. I am yours. You are mine. We will live here together always in my house. I will bring you the best fruits, the tenderest deer, the finest meats that roam the jungle. I will hunt for you. I am the greatest of the jungle hunters. I will fight for you. I am the mightiest of the jungle fighters. You are Jane Porter, I saw it in your letter. When you see this you will know that it is for you and that Tarzan of the Apes loves you. --Edgar Rice Burroughs (18751950) American novelist. _Tarzan of the Apes_ [1914] A town, before it can be plundered and deserted, must first be taken; and in this particular Venus has borrowed a law from her consort Mars. A woman that wishes to retain her suitor must keep him in the trenches; for this is a siege which the besieger never raises for want of supplies, since a feast is more fatal to love than a fast, and a surfeit than a starvation. Inanition may cause it to die a slow death, but repletion always destroys it by a sudden one. --C.C. Colton (17801832) English clergyman and writer. Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play. --William Congreve (16701729) English dramatist. _The Old Bachelor_ [1693] I am about Courting a Girl I have had but little Acquaintance with; how shall I come to a Knowledge of her Fawlts? and whether she has the Virtues I imagine she has? Answ. Commend her among her Female Acquaintances. --Benjamin Franklin (17061790) American politician, inventor, and scientist. _Pennsylvania Gazette_ [12 March 1732] Holding hands at midnight 'Neath a starry sky, Nice work if you can get it, And you can get it if you try. --Ira Gershwin (18961983) American songwriter. "Nice Work If You Can Get It" [1937 song] A man who would woo a fair maid, He should 'prentice himself to the trade, And study all day In a methodical way How to flatter, cajole, and persuade. --W. S. Gilbert (18361911) English writer of comic and satirical verse. - Getting to know you, Getting to know all about you. Getting to like you, Getting to hope you like me. Getting to know you, Putting it my way but nicely. You are precisely, My cup of tea. Getting to know you, Getting to feel free and easy. When I am with you, Getting to know what to say. Haven't you noticed, Suddenly I 'm bright and breezy, Because of all the beautiful and new Things I'm learning about you Day by day. --Oscar Hammerstein II (18951960) American songwriter. "Getting To Know You" [1951 song] from the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical _The King and I_. - The romantic scene at the piano used to play an important part in courtships. Then girls didn't have 'sex appeal'; they had 'allure,' and they all knew this allure could be displayed to the best advantage at the piano. When the beau called on Sunday night and presented his bouquet or box of bonbons, the girl spoke of a new song which was 'simply divine' . . . They sang it together, maybe. After a few verses of one of those tender, romantic lyrics beneath rose-shaded lights his sales resistence was shattered completely and he was sure that his devotion would last until the sands of the desert grew cold. --Lorenz Hart (18951943) American lyricist. In Meryle Secrest _Somewhere For Me: A Biography of Richard Rodgers_ [2001]. If you find yourself unwilling to accept me, will you please pass this letter on to your sister Caroline. --Lord Ralph Lovelace (18391906) English writer, alpinist and linguist. (Proposal letter to Mary Stuart Wortley.) If these delights thy mind may move, Then live with me and be my love. --Christopher Marlowe (15641593) English dramatist and poet. _The Passionate Shepherd to His Love_ Wooing, so tiring. --Nancy Mitford (19041973) English writer. _The Pursuit of Love_ [1945] Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses. --Dorothy Parker (18931967) American critic and humorist. "News Item" _Enough Rope_ [1927] Men dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake! --Alexander Pope (16881744) English poet. You think that you are Ann's suitor; that you are the pursuer and she the pursued . . . Fool: it is you who are the pursued, the marked down quarry, the destined prey. --George Bernard Shaw (18561950) Irish comic dramatist, literary critic, Socialist propagandist, and winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1925. _Man and Superman_ [1903] Ah, fool! faint heart fair lady ne'er could win. --Edmund Spenser (1552/531599) English poet. She knew how to allure by denying, and to make the gift rich by delaying it. --Frances Trollope (17801863) English author [mother of Anthony Trollope.] _Phineas Finn_ [1869] - There was once an old man of great fame Who, when asked how he did with a dame, Said "In order to please her, I reversed Julius Caesar: I saw, I conquered, I came." - . . see: "COURAGE" see: "FEAR" To die, and thus avoid poverty or love, or anything painful, is not the part of a brave man, but rather of a coward; for it is cowardice to avoid trouble, and the suicide does not undergo death because it is honorable, but in order to avoid evil. --Aristotle (384322 B.C.) Greek philosopher. There is nothing that makes more cowards and feeble men than public opinion. --Henry Ward Beecher (18131887) American Congregational minister; [brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher]. _Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit_ [1887] When the sands are all dry he is gay as a lark, And will talk in contemptuous tones of the shark, But when the tide rises and sharks are around His voice has a timid and tremulous sound. --Lewis Carroll [Charles Lutwidge Dodgson] (18321898) English writer and logician. _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ [1865] To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice. --Confucius (551-479 B.C.) K'ung Ch'iu, Chinese philosopher. _Analects_, c. 500BC Grac'd with a sword, and worthier of a fan. --William Cowper (17311800) English poet and hymnodist. _Task_, bk. I, l. 771 Any coward can fight a battle when he's sure of winning; but give me the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing. That's my way, sir; and there are many victories worse than a defeat. --George Eliot [Mary Ann Evans] (18191880) English novelist. _Scenes of Clerical Life_ It is wicked to withdraw from being useful to the needy, and cowardly to give way to the worthless. --Epictetus (55135) Greek philosopher. The coward only threatens when he is safe. --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (17491832) German poet, novelist, and playwright. - He who fights and runs away, May live to fight another day. But he who is in battle slain, Can never rise to fight again. --Oliver Goldsmith (17281774) Anglo-Irish writer, poet, and dramatist. & note: The man who runs may fight again. --Menander (343?291 B.C.) Greek dramatist. _Monostikoi_ - A brave man is sometimes a desperado: a bully is always a coward. --Thomas C. Haliburton (17961865) Canadian politician, judge, and writer who was best known as the creator of the literary character, Sam Slick. - Cowardice, as distinguished from panic, is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination. --Ernest Hemingway (18891961) American novelist. Introduction to _Men at War_ [1942]. He was just a coward and that was the worst luck any man could have. --Ernest Hemingway (18891961) American novelist. - To keep silent when we should protest, makes cowards of men. --Abraham Lincoln (18091865) American Republican statesman, President [18611865]. He That kills himself to avoid misery, fears it, And, at the best, shows but a bastard valour. This life's a fort committed to my trust, Which I must not yield up, till it be forced: Nor will I. He's not valiant that dares die, But he that boldly bears calamity. --Philip Massinger (15831640) English Jacobean and Caroline playwright. _Maid of Honour_, act IV, sc. 3 He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair. --Theodore Roosevelt (18581919) American Republican statesman and President [19011909]. A cowardly cur barks more fiercely than it bites. --Quintus Curtius Rufus (fl. 1st C. B.C.) Roman historian. In _De Rebus Gestis Alexandri Magni Regis Macedonum VII_, 4, 13 [1494] - Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; See that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come. --William Shakespeare (15641616) English dramatist. _Julius Caesar_, II, 2, 32 [1599] Thou lily-liver'd boy. --William Shakespeare (15641616) English dramatist. _Macbeth_ [1606], act V, sc. iii - Commonly they use their feet for defence, whose tongue is their weapon. --Sir Philip Sidney (15541586) English soldier, poet, and courtier. The man that lays his hand on woman, Save in the way of kindness, is a wretch Whom 'twere gross flattery to name a coward. --John Tobin (17701804) English dramatist. _The Honey Moon_ [1805] , act II, sc. 1 There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. --Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (18351910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" _Following the Equator_ [1897] It never troubles the wolf how many the sheep may be. --Virgil (7019 B.C.) Roman poet. - I'd rather have them say 'There he goes' than 'Here he lies.' --anon. -- There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'" ----- poltroon (noun) [pκl-'trun] An abject coward. pusillanimous [pyoo-suh-LAN-uh-muhs], adjective: Lacking in courage and resolution; contemptibly fearful; cowardly. Ex.: Evil, unspeakable evil, rose in our midst, and we as a people were to weak, too indecisive, too pusillanimous to deal with it. --Kevin Myers, "An Irishman's Diary," _Irish Times_, [20 October 1999] recreant (adj.) ['re-kri-yκnt] 1. Disloyal, unfaithful, apostate 2. Cowardly, faint-hearted, craven. recreancy & recreance (nouns) Scaramouch (noun) A boastful and cowardly man (literary) ;void(0)) COWBOYS . . see "PRAIRIE (THE)" see "STAGE COACH" see "WEST (THE OLD/WILD)" see "WORK" for related links The Spanish also left behind, in their branding signs and the embossing of saddles, a whole heraldry of ranching, and in conjunction with this they established the rodeo. The purpose of the rodeo was to round up, once a year, all the cattle that had run free or multiplied on the open range; to distinguish one man's herd from another, the yearling calves were branded with the owner's initials or some chosen emblems registered with the governor of each province. While the word "cowboy" is a direct translation of vaquero, much of the language of ranching, and the Spanish words for the kind of country it was done in, have passed over to the present-day practitioners and, indeed, to most children brought up in the Southwest: corral, mesa, arroyo, patio, adobe, mustang, sombrero, desperado, poncho, alfalfa, bronco. By small changes or abbreviation, other Spanish words were naturalized in English: "stampede" for estampida, "lariat" for (la) reata, "lasso" for lazo, "chaps" for chaperajos, which protected the wearer against the desert scrub called "chaparral" (chaparro). The word "cinch," until fairly recently a common slang word for something quickly or easily done, derives from the Spanish word for the saddle girth, cincha. When it was securely fastened, it was said to be ''cinched." --Alistair Cooke [Alfred Cooke] (19082004) British-born American broadcater and journalist. _America_ [1973] [Remark to Hermann H. Konlsaat about Theodore Roosevelt, 15 Sept. 1901:] Now look, that damned cowboy is President of the United States! --Mark Hanna (18371904) American industrialist and politician. Quoted in Fred R. Shapiro (ed.) _The Yale Book of Quotations_, p. 337 [2006]. - The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover." - - Three strangers at the Great Falls airport are awaiting their flights. One is a Native American on his way to Helena for a statewide pow-wow. Another, a ranch hand on his way to Billings for a stock show. The third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived, and on his way to study engineering at Montana Tech. To pass the time they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon the westerners learn that the Arab is a devout radical Muslim, and believes his people are justified in their 'holy' war. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside blows and blows and the old windsock flaps but no plane comes. Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly he speaks:" Once, my people were many, now we are few." The radical Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few", he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?" The Cowboy shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet. ----- cowpuncher (noun) A hired hand who tends cattle and performs other duties on horseback. Synonyms: cattleman, cowboy, cowhand, cowherd, cowman, cowpoke, puncher . . see "ANIMALS" for related links Donald Mottram, a farmer in Dyfed, Wales, lay unconscious for 90 minutes in a field after he had been gored and trampled by an angry bull. But his herd of cows - marshalled by his favourite cow, a 14-year-old called Daisy came to the rescue. They encircled him to keep the bull away, and he was eventually able to crawl the 200 yards to a gate, while the cows shielded him. 'They knew of the danger and decided to protect me,' he explained. --Robert Backhouse [1997] Anglican minister. Kiss till the cow comes home. --Francis Beaumont & John Fletcher _The Scornful Lady_ [1616] To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you ... They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect. --Bill Bryson (1951 ) American writer of humorous travel books. _Neither Here Nor There_ [1991] [Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx):] I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. --"Duck Soup" [1933 film] Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby. As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. --Joan Gussow Organic-food advocate and professor. A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." --Jake Johansen (1960 ) American comedian. I kissed the lovely brown-eyed cow, that gave me milk and cheese. Now I'm laying on my back, with hoof and mouth disease. --Dean Martin (19171995) American film actor and singer. You eat us. You wear us. You sneak into the fields and tip us over. Of course we're mad! --Jerry Seinfeld (1954 ) American actor, writer, and comedian. (On Mad Cow Disease.) - Why every one as they like; as the good woman said when she kissed her cow. --Jonathan Swift (16671745) Anglo-Irish poet and satirist. _A Complete Collection of Polite and Ingenious Conversation_ [1738] I warrant you lay abed till the cows came home. --Jonathan Swift (16671745) Anglo-Irish poet and satirist. _A Complete Collection of Polite and Ingenious Conversation_ [1738] - They also keep a horned cow as proud as any queen; but music turns her head like ale, and makes her wave her tufted tail and dance upon the green. --J.R.R. [John Ronald Reuel] Tolkien (18921973) South African-born English author. _The Lord of The Rings_ [195455] - The gum-chewing student, The cud-chewing cow, somewhat alike, Yet different somehow. Just what is the difference-- I think I know now-- It's the thoughtful look On the face of the cow. --anon. Cowhide: Material which holds a cow together. If a cow is re-incarnated is it a case of deja moo? A modest young girl I'll call Oola Once donned a grass skirt to dance Hula A cow ate the grass Exposing her a__ Now she's no longer modest but coola --anon. -- The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover." end page | CALAMITIES - CALM | CALUMNY - CANADA | CANCER - CAN'T WIN | CAPITALISM | CAREFREE - CARPE DIEM | CARTER (JIMMY) - CATS & DOGS | CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES - CENSORSHIP | CERTAINTY - CHANGE | CHANGING (ONE'S MIND) & CHANGING TIMES | CHARACTER | CHARACTER ASSASINATION - CHEERFULNESS | CHEER UP! - CHILDHOOD | CHILDREN | CHILDREN'S RHYME | CHILE & CHINA | CHOCOLATE - CHRISTIANITY | CHRISTMAS | CHURCH - CIGARS | CIRCUMSTANCES & CITIES | CIVILITY - CIVIL RIGHTS | CLARITY - CLICHES | CLOTHES - COFFEE | COLD - COLORS | COMEDY | COMFORT - COMMON SENSE | COMMUNICATION | COMMUNISM | COMPANIONSHIP - COMPASSION | COMPETITION - COMPLIMENTS | COMPOSERS - CONDUCTORS | CONFESSION - CONQUEST | CONSCIENCE - CONTENTED | CONTEXT - CONVERSATION | CONVICTION & COOKING | COOLIDGE - CORPORATIONS | CORRECTING - COURAGE | COURT - COWS | CREATIVITY - CRIME | CRIME & PUNISHMENT - CROOKS | CRITICISM & CRITICS | CROWD (THE) - CUBA | CULTURE - CYNICS | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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