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. . . CHARACTER ASSASINATION see: "HURTING (SOMEONE)" for related links There is nothing that more betrays a base ungenerous spirit than the giving of secret stabs to a man's reputation. Lampoons and satires, that are written with wit and spirit, are like poisoned darts, which not only inflict a wound, but make it incurable. --Joseph Addison (1672—1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. "The Spectator" [27 March 1711] You kill me so courteously. --Lois McMaster Bujold (b. 1949) American science fiction author. _Memory_, ch. 6 [1996] There are different ways of assassinating a man — by pistol, sword, poison, or moral assassination. They are the same in their results except the last is more cruel. --Napoleon I (1769—1821) Emperor of France [1804-15]. In _Napoleon in His Own Words: From the French of Jules Bertaut_ [1916]. No, you can't ruin an architect by proving that he's a bad architect. But you can ruin him because he's an atheist, or because somebody sued him, or because he slept with some woman, or because he pulls wings off bottleflies. You'll say it doesn't make sense? Of course it doesn't. That's why it works. Reason can be fought with reason. How are you going to fight the unreasonable? The trouble with you, my dear, and with most people, is that you don't have sufficient respect for the senseless. The senseless is the major factor in our lives. You have no chance if it is your enemy. But if you can make it become your ally -- ah, my dear! --Ayn Rand (1905—1982) Russian-born American writer. _The Fountainhead_, pt. II, ch. 12 [1943] Never does a man portray his own character more vividly than in his manner of portraying another's. --Jean Paul Richter (1763—1825) German novelist. _Titan_ [4 vols., 1800-03] "Twenty-Eighth Jubilee" Who steals my purse steals trash; 'tis something, nothing; 'Twas mine, 'tis his, and has been slave to thousands; But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed. --William Shakespeare (1564—1616) English dramatist. _Othello_, III, iii [1604—1605]  . . see: "KINDNESS" for related links The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity. --Clara Lucas Balfour [née Liddell] (1808—1878) English novelist and temperance activist. _Sunbeams for All Seasons: Counsels, Cautions, and Precepts_ [1861 ed.] - A man should fear when he enjoys only what good he does publicly. Is it not the publicity, rather than the charity, that he loves? --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher. In Henry Ward Beecher and Edna Dean Proctor, _Life Thoughts: Gathered From the Extemporaneous Discourses of Henry Ward Beecher_ [1858]. Do not give, as many rich men do, like a hen that lays her egg and then cackles. --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher. "Plymouth Pulpit" [26 June 1869] We may cover a multitude of sins with the white robe of charity. --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher. Attributed in Maturin M. Ballou _Edge-Tools of Speech_, p. 12 [1886]. - And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. --Bible I Corinthians 13:2 A poor man, served by thee, shall make thee rich. --Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806—1861) English poet. "Adam's Prophecy of Woman" The highest exercise of charity is charity towards the uncharitable. --Joseph Stevens Buckminster (1784—1812) American Unitarian preacher. Attributed in Noah Webster _A Dictionary of the English Language_ [2 vols., 1832]. To drive men from independence to live on alms, is itself great cruelty. --Edmund Burke (1729—1797) Irish-born Whig politician and man of letters. _Reflections on the Revolution in France_ [1790] I have no respect for that self-boasting charity which neglects all objects of commiseration near and around it, but goes to the end of the earth in search of misery, for the purpose of talking about it. --Lewis Cass (1782—1866) American military officer and politician. Speech in U.S. Senate [23 December 1852]. Men in no way approach so nearly to the gods as in doing good to men. --Marcus Tullius Cicero (106—43 BC) Roman orator and statesman. _Oratio Pro Quinto Ligario_, XII We don't have to be "successful," only valuable. We don't have to make money, only a difference, and particularly in the lives society counts least and puts last. --William Sloane Coffin, Jr. (1924—2006) American clergyman and peace activist. _Credo_ [2004], "Faith, Hope, Love" Posthumous charities are the very essence of selfishness, when bequeathed by those who, when alive, would part with nothing. --C.C. Colton (1780—1832) English clergyman and writer. _Lacon: or, Many Things in Few Words_, CCCXLI [1821 ed.] In the depression of the 1930s the Mormons were the only American farm cooperative that steadily refused all help from the federal government. They stuck to their grim belief that the Lord alone giveth and the Lord taketh away. --Alistair Cooke [Alfred Cooke] (1908—2004) British-born American broadcater and journalist. _America_ [1973] To remind a man of the good turns you have done him is very much like a reproach. --attributed to Demosthenes (c.364—c.322 B.C.) Athenian orator and statesman. We do not quite forgive a giver. The hand that feeds us is in some danger of being bitten. --Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803—1882) American philosopher and poet. "Gifts" _Essays_, Second Series [1844] It is wicked to withdraw from being useful to the needy, and cowardly to give way to the worthless. --Epictetus (55—135) Greek philosopher. Attributed in Joseph Cook _Socialism: With Preludes on Current Events_ [1880]. Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon. --E.M. [Edward Morgan] Forster (1879—1970) English novelist. "Observer" (London) [7 October 1951] - The indigent sick of this city and its environs, without regard to sex, age or color, who may require surgical or medical treatment, and who can be received into the hospital without peril to the other inmates, and the poor of this city and state, of all races, who are stricken down by any casualty, shall be received into the hospital, without charge, for such period of time and under such regulations as you may prescribe. --Johns Hopkins (1795—1873) American merchant and investor who in his will left large endowments to found Johns Hopkins University and Johns Hopkins Hospital. In a letter instructing the first trustees of the Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland [March 1873]. Be charitable and indulgent to every one but yourself. --Joseph Joubert (1754—1824) French philosopher. Attributed in Maturin M. Ballou _Treasury of Thought_, p. 73 [10th ed. 1884]. The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident. --Charles Lamb (1775—1834) English essayist. _Table Talk_ [1834], "In the Athenaeum" - _Playboy_ interviewing John Lennon in 1980: PLAYBOY: What about the suggestion that the four of you put aside your personal feelings and regroup to give a mammoth concert for charity, some sort of giant benefit? LENNON: I don't want to have anything to do with benefits. I have been benefited to death. Every one of them was a mess or a rip-off. PLAYBOY: What about the Bangladesh concert, in which George and other people such as Dylan performed? LENNON: Bangladesh was caca. It's all a rip-off. So forget about it. All of you who are reading this, don't bother sending me all that garbage about, "Just come and save the Indians, come and save the blacks, come and save the war veterans." Anybody I want to save will be helped through our tithing, which is ten percent of whatever we earn. PLAYBOY: But that doesn't compare with what one promoter, Sid Bernstein, said you could raise by giving a world-wide televised concert-playing separately, as individuals, or together, as the Beatles. He estimated you could raise over $200,000,000 in one day. $200,000,000 to a poverty-stricken country in South America. LENNON: Where do people get off saying the Beatles should give $200,000,000 to South America? You know, America has poured billions into places like that. It doesn't mean a damn thing. After they've eaten that meal, then what? It lasts for only a day. After the $200,000,000 is gone, then what? It goes round and round in circles. You can pour money in forever. After Peru, then Harlem, then Britain. There is no one concert. We would have to dedicate the rest of our lives to one world concert tour, and I'm not ready for it. Not in this lifetime, anyway. -- interview, _Playboy_, Christmas 1980 issue - That is no true alms which the hand can hold; He gives nothing but worthless gold Who gives from a sense of duty. --James Russell Lowell (1819—1891) American poet, critic, essayist, and diplomat. "The Vision of Sir Launfal" [1848] Charity has in it sometimes, perhaps often, a savor of superiority. --James Russell Lowell (1819—1891) American poet, critic, essayist, and diplomat. Speech in Westminster Abbey [13 December 1881]. - Censorship, like charity, should begin at home, but unlike charity, it should end there. --Clare Boothe Luce (1903—1987) American playwright and politician. "Problem of Pornography" in _McCall's_ (mag.) [October 1966] Charity is no part of the legislative duty of the government. --James Madison (1751—1836) Fourth president of the United States [1809—1817]. Comments in House of Representatives [10 January 1794], as quoted in _The Debates in the Several State Conventions on the Adoption of the Federal Constitution_ comp. by Jonathan Elliot [2nd ed., 1836]. There is a destiny that makes us brothers, None goes his way alone; All that we send into the lives of others, Comes back into our own. --Edwin Markham (1852—1940) American poet and lecturer. _A Creed_ [1900] And wisest he in this whole wide land Of hoarding till bent and gray; For all you can hold in your cold, dead hand Is what you have given away. --Joaquin Miller [Cincinnatus Hiner Miller] (1837—1913) American poet and journalist. _Peter Cooper_ Every good act is charity. A man's true wealth hereafter is the good that he does in this world to his fellows. --Muhammad (A.D. 570?—632) Prophet to whom the religion of Islam was revealed. Attributed in Rev. James Wood (ed.) _Dictionary of Quotations ..._, p. 91 [1893]. They take the paper and they read the headlines, So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of breadlines, And they philanthropically cure them all By getting up a costume charity ball. --Ogden Nash (1902—1971) American writer of humorous poetry. _Happy Days_ [1933] Beggars should be abolished. It annoys one to give to them, and it annoys one not to give to them. --attributed to Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844—1900) German classical scholar, philosopher, and critic of culture. However delicately it is disguised, charity is still horrible; there is a malaise, almost a secret hatred, between the giver and the receiver. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (1903—1950) English novelist. _Keep the Aspidistra Flying_, ch. 9 [1936] I will enjoy the pleasure of what I give by giving it alive, and seeing another enjoy it. When I die, I should be ashamed to leave enough to build me a monument if there were a wanting friend above ground. --Alexander Pope (1688—1744) English poet. Letter to Jonathan Swift [9 October 1729]. In giving of thy alms, inquire not so much into the person, as his necessity. God looks not so much upon the merits of him that requires, as into the manner of him that relieves; if the man deserve not, thou hast given it to humanity. --Francis Quarles (1592—1644) English poet. Attributed in Charles Noel Douglas _Forty Thousand Quotations, Prose and Poetical_, p. 243 [1917]. Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it. --John D(avison) Rockefeller Jr. (1874—1960) American philanthropist. Attributed in _The Forbes Scrapbook of Thoughts on The Business of Life_ [1950]. Great minds, like heaven, are pleased in doing good, Though the ungrateful subjects of their favors Are barren in return. --Nicholas Rowe (1674—1718) English dramatist, writer, and poet. "Tamerlane", act 2, sc. 2 [1701] The Christian usually tries to give away his own money, whilst the philosopher tries to give away the money of someone else. --Lord Salisbury (1830—1903) British Conservative statesman. Quoted in C.S. Kenny _Property for Charitable Uses_ [1880]. Charity degrades those who receive it and hardens those who dispense it. --George Sand [pseudonym of Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin] (1804—1876) French author. _Consuelo_ [1842] Let him that hath done the good office conceal it; let him that received it disclose it. --Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BC—65 A.D.) Roman philosopher and poet. "On Benefits" in _Moral Essays_ The proverb warns that, 'You should not bite the hand that feeds you.' But maybe you should, if it prevents you from feeding yourself. --Thomas Szasz (b. 1920) American psychiatrist. "Control and Self-Control" in _The Second Sin_ [1973] Benefits are acceptable, while the receiver thinks he may return them; but once exceeding that, hatred is given instead of thanks. --Tacitus [or Publius Cornelius Tacitus or Gaius Cornelius Tacitus] (c.55—c.117), Roman orator, lawyer, senator, and historian. _Annales_ IV, 18 Charity begins at home. --Terence [Publius Terentius Afer] (c. 190—159 BC) Roman comic dramatist. _Andria_ (The Lady of Andros) l. 635 Friends, I have lost a day. (On reflecting that he had done nothing to help anybody all day.) --Titus (39—81) Roman emperor from A.D. 79. In Suetonius _Lives of the Caesars_ "Titus." The more is given the less people will work for themselves, and the less they work the more their poverty will increase. --Leo Tolstoy (1828—1910) Russian novelist. _Help for the Starving_ [1892] I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. --Tennessee Williams [Thomas Lanier Williams] (1911—1983) American dramatist. "A Streetcar Named Desire" [1947] Charity begins at home. --John Wycliffe _English Works_ [c. 1383] ----- alms (noun) [ahmz] Money or other valuables given to charity or the poor. beneficence (noun): 1. The practice of doing good; active goodness, kindness, or charity. 2. A charitable gift or act. Ex.: Lord Jeffrey told Dickens that it [A Christmas Carol] had "prompted more positive acts of beneficence than can be traced to all the pulpits and confessionals in Christendom since Christmas 1842." Roger Highfield, _The Physics of Christmas_ eleemosynary (adj.) [e-lê-'mah-sê-ne-ree or -ri] Of or related to charity; altruistic, contributed as charity. . . see: "DECEPTION" for related links Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves. --Bible "Matthew" 7:15 That same face of yours looks like the title-page to a whole volume of roguery. --Colley Cibber (1671—1757) English actor and playwright. _She Would and She Would Not_, III, i [1702] Always suspect a man who affects great softness of manner, an unruffled evenness of temper, and an enunciation studied, slow, and deliberate. These things are all unnatural, and bespeak a degree of mental discipline into which he that has no purposes of craft or design to answer, can not submit to drill himself. The most successful knaves are usually of this description, as smooth as razors dipped in oil, and as sharp. They affect the innocence of the dove, which they have not, in order to hide the cunning of the serpent, which they have. --C.C. Colton (1780—1832) English clergyman and writer. _Lacon: or, Many Things in Few Words_, CXXIV [1821 ed.] I prefer rogues to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --attributed to Alexandre Dumas, the Younger (1824—1895) French writer. When a rogue kisses you, count your teeth. --Jewish saying All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956) American journalist and literary critic. _A Little Book in C Major_ [1916] He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples. --attributed to Ogden Nash (1902—1971) American writer of humorous poetry. ----- fob (noun) ['fahb] A cheat, imposter, rogue. mountebank (noun) [MOUN-tuh-bank] 1. A peddler of quack medicine, who stands on a platform to appeal to the audience. 2. A charlatan; a boastful pretender to knowledge or a skill. picaresque (adj.) [pi-kê-'resk] Pertaining to the life of an adventurous rogue, usually of low origin, who uses his wits to overcome obstacles. . . see: "GRACE" see: "PLEASING OTHERS" Charm: the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --Henri Frédérick Amiel (1821—1881) Swiss critic. _Journal Intime_ [1883] Charm . . . it's a sort of bloom on a woman. If you have it, you don't need to have anything else; and if you don't have it, it doesn't much matter what else you have. --Sir James Matthew Barrie (1860—1937) Scottish writer and dramatist. "What Every Woman Knows" [1918] Charm is... a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. --Albert Camus (1913—1960) French novelist, dramatist, and essayist who won the 1957 Nobel Prize for Literature. _La Chute_ ("The Fall") [1956] "Charm" — which means the power to effect work without employing brute force — is indispensable to women. Charm is a woman's strength just as strength is a man's charm. --Havelock Ellis (1859—1939) English essayist and psychologist. _The Task of Social Hygiene_, p. 81 [1912]. Oozing charm from every pore, He oiled his way around the floor. --Alan Jay Lerner (1918—1986) American playwright and lyricist. "You Did It" [1956 song] _My Fair Lady_ After sitting next to Mr. Gladstone I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But after sitting next to Mr. Disraeli I thought I was the cleverest woman in England. --Princess Marie Louise, Queen Victoria's granddaughter Quoted in _Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.]. It's innocence when it charms us, ignorance when it doesn't. --Mignon McLaughlin (1913—1983) American journalist and author. _The Neurotic's Notebook_ [1963] There is entirely too much charm around and something must be done to stop it. --Dorothy Parker (1893—1967) American critic and humorist. 'These Much Too Charming People' in _The New Yorker_ [1928]. Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul. --Alexander Pope (1688—1744) English poet. _Rape of the Lock_, canto V, l. 34 [1712] Charms which, like flowers, lie on the surface and always glitter, easily produce vanity; hence women, wits, players, soldiers, are vain, owing to their presence, figure and dress. On the contrary, other excellences, which lie deep down like gold, and are only discovered with difficulty ... leave their possessors modest and proud. --Jean Paul Richter (1763—1825) German novelist. _Levana; Or, The Doctrine Of Education_ [1848 translation of 1807 work]. A beauty is a woman you notice; a charmer is one who notices you. --Adlai E. Stevenson (1900—1965) American Democratic politician. Speaking at Radcliffe College, quoted in Bill Adler _The Stevenson Wit_ [1965]. ----- enthrall [en-THRAWL], verb: 1. To captivate or charm. 2. To put or hold in slavery; subjugate. mojo [MOH-joh], noun: 1. Personal magnetism; charm. 2. The art or practice of casting magic spells; magic; voodoo. 3. An object, as an amulet or charm, that is believed to carry a magic spell. ;void(0)) CHEAP . . see: "MONEY" for related links ^ Peter Altenberg (1862?—1919) Austrian poet. Though in fact he maintained a very solid bank balance, Altenberg had a mania for begging. The poet and critic Karl Kraus tells how Altenberg besought him again and again to give him a hundred kronen, and on every occasion Kraus refused him. Finally, his patience at an end, Kraus burst out, "Look Peter, I'd gladly give it to you, but I *really, really* don't have the money." "Very well, I'll lend it to you," said Altenberg. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ HOLDUP MAN: Your money or your life? Come on, hurry up! BENNY: I'm thinking it over. --Jack Benny [Benjamin Kubelsky] (1894—1974) American entertainer. (His signature joke.) He who is frugal is the richest of men, and the miser is the poorest. --Sébastien-Roch Nicolas Chamfort (1741—1794) French playwright and conversationalist. _Maxims and Thoughts_ [1796], tr. W.S. Merwin [1984] ^ Oscar Levant (1906—1972) American pianist, writer, and wit. As a houseguest in the Kaufman household, Levant rather overstayed his welcome. At the end of one of his prolonged visits, Mrs. Kaufman hinted, 'The servants always expect a little something, and I know you haven't any money, so I tipped them each three dollars and told them it was from you.' Levant was outraged. 'You should have given them five!' he exclaimed. 'Now they'll think I'm stingy.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ There's no getting blood out of a turnip. --Frederick Marryat (1792—1848) English novelist. _Japhet_ [1836] You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. --attributed to Dolly Parton (b. 1946) American country music singer. ----- adulterate [uh-DUHL-tuh-rayt], verb: To add an inferior, impure, or improper substance to; lower the quality or purity of a food or other substance without greatly altering the appearance. gimcrack [JIM-krak], noun: A showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw. adjective: Tastelessly showy; cheap; gaudy. parsimonious (adj.) Frugal: very frugal or ungenerous.  CHEATS . . see: "DECEPTION" for related links see: "CRIME & PUNISHMENT" for related links Photo: Rosie Ruiz (story below) If you attempt to beat a man down and to get his goods for less than a fair price, you are attempting to commit burglary, as much as though you broke into his shop to take the things without paying for them. There is cheating on both sides of the counter and generally less behind it than before it. --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; [brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher]. Quoted in John Bate _A Cyclopaedia Of Illustrations Of Moral And Religious Truths_ [1865]. The certain way to be cheated is to fancy one's self more cunning than others. --Pierre Charron (1541—1603) French moralist. Attributed in John Timbs _Laconics: Or, The Best Words of the Best Authors_, vol. 3, p. 78 [3 vols., 1829]. - Seeking to psych out challengers in the days leading up to big fights, Hall of Fame boxer Charles "Kid" McCoy frequently feigned illness or spread rumors of an injury. Then, when the bout came around, McCoy would show up in perfect form. (This supposedly prompted reporters to wonder whether they'd be seeing "the real McCoy" in the ring.) But McCoy's lowest blow? In 1893, when he fought a deaf mute. Toward the end of the fourth round, McCoy simply dropped his gloves and walked back to his corner as though the bell had sounded. When the deaf fighter turned to do the same, McCoy ran over and knocked him out. --Chris Connolly _Mental Floss Magazine_ [Sep/Oct 2006], "10 Gloriously Underhanded Sports Tactics: Kid McCoy--Taking Advantage of The Bell Curve" (Note: See Alistair Cooke quote in "WEST (THE OLD/ WILD)" for an alternate version of the origin of "The Real McCoy".) - My wife met me at the door wearing a see-through negligee. Unfortunately she was just coming home. --attributed to Rodney Dangerfield [Jacob Cohen] (1921—2004) American comedian. No sin to cheat the devil. --Daniel Defoe (1660—1731) English novelist and journalist. _History of the Devil_, pt. II, ch. 10. ^ Alexandre Dumas (1802—1870) French novelist and playwright. Dumas's quarrel with a rising young politician became so intense that a duel was inevitable. As both were superb shots, they decided to draw lots, the loser agreeing to shoot himself. Dumas lost. Pistol in hand, he withdrew in silent dignity to another room, closing the door behind him. The rest of the company waited in gloomy suspense for the sound of the shot that would end Dumas's career. It rang out at last. They ran to the door, opened it, and there was Dumas, smoking revolver in hand. 'Gentlemen, a most regrettable thing has happened. I missed.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ - [Cousin Zeb (Fuzzy Knight):] Uh, is this a game of chance? [Cuthbert J. Twillie (W.C. Fields):] Not the way *I* play it, no. --"My Little Chickadee" [1940 film] Screenplay by Mae West & W.C. Fields. You Can't Cheat an Honest Man. --W. C. Fields [William Claude Dukenfield] (1880—1946) American vaudeville star and film actor. A favorite saying and title of one of his films, quoted in Robert Lewis Taylor _W.C. Fields, His Follies and Fortunes [1949]. - He'll cheat without scruple, who can without fear. --Benjamin Franklin (1706—1790) American politician, inventor, and scientist. Apparently from _Poor Richard's Almanack_, date unknown. ^ John Warne Gates (1855—1911), US industrialist, speculator, and gambler. He once bet the wealthy John Drake, whose family founded Drake University, $11,000. The wager turned on whose bread, dunked in coffee, would attract the most flies. Gates won. He had not bothered to let young Drake know that he had put six spoonfuls of sugar in his own cup. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ ^ Benjamin Jowett (1817—1893) English classical scholar Jowett once submitted a matter to the vote of the dons of Balliol College. The result did not please him, he announced. 'The vote is twenty- two to two. I see we are deadlocked.' --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --Jackie Mason [Yacov Moshe Moaza] (b. 1931) American ordained rabbi and stand-up comedian. Quoted in Robert Byrne _1911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said_ [1988]. I never threw an illegal pitch. The trouble is, once in a while I toss one that ain't never been seen by this generation. --Leroy "Satchel" Paige (1906—1982) American baseball pitcher in both the Negro Leagues and the Major League; inducted in the Hall of Fame in 1971. Quoted in "Washington Post" [10 June 1982]. - Baseball's Dirty Open Secret By Joshua Prager _The Wall Street Journal_ October 26, 2006 Kenny Rogers's 2006 regular season ended miserably -- two losses in four days, seven earned runs yielded in 5.2 innings. Headed with his Detroit Tigers to the playoffs, the pitcher had no reason to expect improvement. His career post-season ERA was 8.85 -- 20 runs allowed in 20.1 innings -- the worst of any pitcher in baseball history who had thrown at least as many innings. But Mr. Rogers threw 7.2 shutout innings vs. the Yankees, 7.1 more vs. the A's and a scoreless first inning against the Cardinals in game three of the World Series. One month shy of 42, he was the fist-pumping belle of the ball; a post-season goat wondrously resurrected in his 17th season. It was after Mr. Rogers retired his third Cardinal that St. Louis manager Tony La Russa mentioned to umpire Alfonso Marquez that Mr. Rogers's left palm was discolored, the skin below his thumb shellacked ochre. The ump told the lefty to clean himself up. Has Kenny Rogers owed his post-season resurgence to goo? The baseball brass would rather not know. Pitchers have long nicked or slicked baseballs with everything from emery boards to mustache wax. A doctored ball can be harder to hit or easier to grip. Major League Baseball does not approve. Rule 8.02 is clear: "The pitcher shall not apply a foreign substance of any kind to the ball." If he does, he is ejected from the game and suspended for 10 more. [ . . . ] One Cardinal, however, had a message for the pitcher who had already been pardoned. "Whoever does those types of things," said Cardinal outfielder Preston Wilson, "they have to live with it. They have to sleep with that at night, they have to sit back at the end of their career and say whether they did it on their own merit. To me, I think that's a bigger burden." Over the past six years, I wrote an article and then a book about a glorious baseball team that cheated and, likely as a result, found itself in the World Series. And I think Mr. Wilson is right. On July 20, 1951, the New York Giants stationed a coach with a telescope in their centerfield clubhouse. He spied the signals of opposing catchers, decoded whether an imminent pitch was a fastball or off-speed, and pressed a button that sounded a buzzer in the bullpen -- where a player relayed the stolen sign to the batter. The home-field scheme was in place through the end of the season, helping the Giants to overcome a 13.5-game deficit to tie the Brooklyn Dodgers. The teams met in a playoff that ended in astounding fashion when Giants third baseman Bobby Thomson hit the most famous home run in baseball history: "the Shot Heard Round the World." Rumors that the miracle Giants had cheated first surfaced in 1962. "No, no, no," manager Leo Durocher told the Associated Press. "There was no buzzer." Players Alvin Dark, Larry Jansen, Whitey Lockman, Willie Mays, Bobby Thomson and Wes Westrum all lied too. "I said," Mr. Thomson recalled to me, "you mean Leo Durocher would steal signs? I didn't admit it. I didn't admit it to anyone." No one wanted him to. The desire to keep pure our idylls is deep-seated. Looking the other way every now and then is a small price to pay for their perpetuation. Rule 8.02 aside, did we really want a starting pitcher ejected this week from the World Series? Did we want another cloud? No matter that the mustard-colored splotch on the left palm of pitcher Rogers was shiny and glutinous. It was, explained umpire supervisor Steve Palermo, "observed as dirt." But if looking the other way helps the game, it harms the player. In 1998, baseball turned a blind eye to rampant steroid rumors while Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa thrilled fans with titanic home runs. Today both men are figures of shame. Likewise, in 1962, when scoreboard spyglasses were in abundance, baseball commissioner Ford Frick failed to act on rumors that the Giants had cheated in their 1951 playoff. "If such a charge were substantiated," he said, "I would forfeit the game." Perhaps he knew that even a forfeited pennant is a mild sentence compared to the lifelong burden of a sin never confessed. It is possible that Mr. Rogers (who last season shoved a cameraman) does not possess the conscience of Mr. Thomson, a wonderful man whose greatest fault is an inability to self-congratulate. But should the pitcher take the ball in a possible sixth World Series game this Saturday night and then throw four more consecutive shutout innings to tie the single post-season record of 27 held by Christy Mathewson, will he regret years hence smearing on his hand what he said was dirt? In late 2000, 38 years after a team of Giants denied they had cheated, several spoke to me at length of the scheme their manager had set in motion. And when my article then ran in this newspaper, playoff hero Thomson spoke at once of his coming clean. "Getting it all out is the best thing," he said on air. "I feel almost like I just got out of prison." Mr. Prager, a senior special writer at the Journal, is the author of "The Echoing Green: The Untold Story of Bobby Thomson, Ralph Branca and the Shot Heard Round the World." - At the gambling casinos in Ketchum, they took the big beautiful wheels off the roulette tables at the end of play every night and locked them up. Why? Because if they didn't people would come in and paste numbers on the wheel — say three or four 27s — and then play that number the following night, and it would be quite a while before the dealer realized what had happened. --Ernie Pyle (1900—1945) American journalist and war correspondent. _Home Country_ [1947] I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it. --Will Rogers [William Penn Adair Rogers] (1879—1935) American humorist and actor. Attributed in Laurence J. Peter _Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Time_ [1977]. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more! Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea and one on shore, To one thing constant never. --William Shakespeare (1564—1616) English dramatist. _Much Ado About Nothing_, II, iii [1598—1599] [Comment in letter:] Gentlemen: You have undertaken to cheat me. I will not sue you, for law takes too long. I will ruin you. --Cornelius Vanderbilt (1794—1877) American shipping and railroad magnate. Quoted in Matthew Josephson _The Robber Barons_ [1934]. - When I die I want to be buried in Chicago so I can still be active in politics. --anon. (Referring to the voter registration of the dead.) - THE MICRO MARATHON. On April 21, 1980, a 26-year-old New Yorker named Rosie Ruiz crossed the finish line in the Boston Marathon in a zippy 2 hours, 31 minutes and 56 seconds. Then people began to wonder, "Hmm, why isn't she that sweaty?" Could it be that she joined the race a mere two miles from the finish line? Ms. Ruiz denied wrongdoing, but her medal was awarded to the second-place finisher. Later, evidence surfaced that her time at the 1979 New York marathon was apparently a hoax—she'd spent 17 of the 26.2 miles on the subway. BIG SHOES TO FILL. In 1977, a horseman named Mark Gerard came up with an interesting plan to win at the track. First, he falsely reported the death of champion race horse Cinzano. He then entered the horse in a race under the name of a slower horse that the "dead" horse resembled. At Belmont Park on Sept. 23, 1977, the imposter went off at 57-1 odds and—big surprise— won. Mr. Gerard bagged more than $80,000 in winnings—on top of a reported $150,000 insurance payout from Cinzano's phony death. Alas, he was subsequently caught. —Reported by Darren Everson, Reed Albergotti, Hannah Karp and David Biderman. in _The Wall Street Journal [24 September 2009]. - ----- cozen [KUZ-un], transitive verb: 1. To cheat; to defraud; to deceive, usually by petty tricks. hornswoggle (verb) ['horn-swah-gêl] (Slang) To cheat, swindle, hoodwink, or bamboozle. Etymology: We do not know the origin of hornswoggle. It belongs to a group of “fancified” words that were particularly popular in the American West in the 19th century, words exhibiting the frontier skepticism toward educated speech. "Hornswoggle" first appeared in print in Kentucky in 1929. Other words of this ilk are "stick-to-it-iveness," first appearing in 1867, "skedaddle," which appeared in 1861 somewhere in Missouri, and "discombobulate," in 1916. "Bamboozle" first appeared in England around 1700, indicating an earlier tradition of such concocted words. mountebank (noun) ['mæwn-tê-bængk] A flamboyant charlatan who cheats people out of their money with an intricate and entertaining sales pitch. mulct [MULKT], noun: A fine or penalty. transitive verb: 1. To punish for an offense or misdemeanor by imposing a fine or demanding a forfeiture. 2. To obtain by fraud or deception. 3. To defraud; to swindle. Ex.: Officials repaid such loans by mulcting the public in a variety of legal and extra-legal ways. --William H. McNeill, _A World History_ nobble (verb) [nahb-êl] To disable (especially a racehorse) by drugging or laming; to win someone over; to steal; to kidnap; most broadly, to outdo or win someone to one's side by devious means. ;void(0)) CHEERFULNESS . . Photo: Two pretty girls and a frog in Disney World. see: "CIVILITY" see: "ENTHUSIASM" see: "NICE" see: "OPTIMISM" see: "SMILES" see: "HAPPINESS" for other related links - A cheerful temper, joined with innocence will make beauty attractive, knowledge delightful, and wit good-natured. --Joseph Addison (1672—1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. _The Tatler_ #192 [1 July 1710] Good-nature is more agreeable in conversation than wit, and gives a certain air to the countenance which is more amiable than beauty. It shows virtue in the fairest light, takes off in some measure from the deformity of vice, and makes even folly and impertinence supportable. --Joseph Addison (1672—1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. "The Spectator" #169 [13 September 1711] I have always preferred cheerfulness to mirth. The latter I consider as an act, the former as an habit of mind. Mirth is short and transient, cheerfulness fixed and permanent. --Joseph Addison (1672—1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. "The Spectator", #381 [17 May 1712] Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. --Joseph Addison (1672—1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist. Attributed in Joseph Collins _The Way with the Nerves: Letters to a Neurologist..._, p. 30 [1911]. - To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent—that is to triumph over old age. --Thomas Bailey Aldrich (1836—1907) American poet, short-story writer, and editor. _Ponkapog Papers_ [1903], "Leaves from a Notebook" The pursuit of perfection, then, is the pursuit of sweetness and light. --Matthew Arnold (1822—1888) English Victorian poet and literary and social critic. _Cuture and Anarchy_ [1869] ch. 1 A cheerful spirit is one of the most valuable gifts ever bestowed upon humanity by a kind Creator. It is the sweetest and most fragrant flower of the Spirit, that constantly sends out its beauty and fragrance, and blesses everything within its reach. It will sustain the soul in the darkest and most dreary places of this world. It will hold in check the demons of despair, and stifle the power of discouragement and hopelessness. It is the brightest star that ever cast its radiance over the darkened soul, and one that seldom sets in the gloom of morbid fancies and forboding imaginations. --James H. Aughey (1828—1911) American clergyman. _Spiritual Gems of The Ages_ [1886] - Good-humor makes all things tolerable. --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher. Quoted in Maturin M. Ballou _Edge-Tools of Speech_, p. 187 [1886]. Good-nature is worth more than knowledge, more than money, more than honor, to the persons who posses it, and certainly to everybody who dwells with them, in so far as mere happiness is concerned. --Henry Ward Beecher (1813—1887) American Congregational minister; brother of Harriet Beecher Stowe, son of Lyman Beecher. _Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit_ [1887] - - A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. --Bible "Proverbs" 17:22 The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his days. --Bible "Ecclesiasticus" 30:22 - The cheerful live longest in life, and after it, in our regards. Cheerfulness is the offshot of goodness. --Christian Nestell Bovee (1820—1904) American writer. Attributed in Charles Noel Douglas _Forty Thousand Quotations, Prose and Poetical_, p. 249 [1917]. A cheerful, easy, open countenance will make fools think you a good-natured man, and make designing men think you an undesigning one. --Lord Chesterfield [Philip Dormer Stanhope] (1694—1773) British writer and politician. Attributed in Charles Simmons _A Laconic Manual and Brief Remarker_, p. 109 [1852]. You find yourself refreshed, by the presence of cheerful people. Why not make earnest effort to confer that pleasure on others? You will find half the battle is gained if you never allow yourself to say anything gloomy. --Lydia Marie Child (1802—1880) Amercan abolitionist and suffragist. Attributed in Maturin M. Ballou _Notable Thoughts About Women_, p. 247 [1882]. A harmless hilarity and a buoyant cheerfulness are not infrequent concomitants of genius; and we are never more deceived than when we mistake gravity for greatness, solemnity for science, and pomposity for erudition. --C.C. Colton (1780—1832) English clergyman and writer. _Lacon: or, Many Things in Few Words_, CCII [1821 ed.] Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks. --Charles Dickens (1812—1870) English novelist. Attributed in _The Sabbath Recorder_ [6 December 1920]. So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more it remains. --attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803—1882) American philosopher and poet. Good humor will sometimes conquer ill humor, but ill humor will conquer it oftener; and for this plain reason, good humor must operate on generosity; ill humor on meanness. --Fulke Greville (1554—1628) English philosophical poet. Attributed in Tryon Edwards _A Dictionary of Thoughts_, p. 199 [1908 ed.]. Cheerfulness is health; the opposite, melancholy, is disease. --Thomas C. Haliburton (1796—1865) Canadian politician, judge, and writer who was best known as the creator of the literary character, Sam Slick. _Sam Slick's Wise Saws and Modern Instances_ [2 vol., 1853] To be happy, the passions must be cheerful and gay, not gloomy and melancholy. A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow, real poverty. --David Hume (1711—1776) Scottish philosopher. Attributed in _The Phrenological Journal and Science of Health_ [October 1885]. I have observed that in comedies the best actor plays the droll, while some scrub rogue is made the fine gentleman or hero. Thus it is in the farce of life. Wise men spend their time in mirth; it is only fools who are serious. --Henry Saint John, 1st Viscount Bolingbroke (1678—1751) English politician and philosopher. Attributed in Charles Noel Douglas _Forty Thousand Quotations, Prose and Poetical_, p. 250 [1917]. Cheerfulness is full of significance; it suggests good health, a clear conscience, and a soul at peace with all human nature. --Charles Kingsley (1819—1875) English writer and clergyman. Attributed in Maturin M. Ballou _Edge-Tools of Speech_, p. 68 [1886]. He who walks through a great city to find subjects for weeping, may, God knows, find plenty at every corner to wring his heart; but let such a man walk on his course, and enjoy his grief alone — we are not of those who would accompany him. The miseries of us poor earthdwellers gain no alleviation from the sympathy of those who merely hunt them out to be pathetic over them. The weeping philosopher too often impairs his eyesight by his woe, and becomes unable from his tears to see the remedies for the evils which he deplores. Thus it will often be found that the man of no tears is the truest philanthropist, as he is the best physician who wears a cheerful face, even in the worst of cases. --Charles Mackay (1814—1889) Scottish poet and newspaperman. _Extraordinary Popular Delusions And The Madness Of Crowds_ [1841] [On being seventy-nine:] I woke up this morning and I was still alive, so I am pretty cheerful. --Spike [Terence Alan] Milligan (1918—2002) Novelist, poet, and comedian. In "Irish Times" [8 November 1997]. Amiability is very often a weakness, but the most unobjectionable one as a rule. --Lady Sydney Morgan [Sydney Owenson] (1783—1859) Irish novelist. Attributed in Maturin M. Ballou _Edge-Tools of Speech_, p. 13 [1886]. I have often noticed that a kindly, placid good- humor is the companion of longevity, and, I suspect, frequently the leading cause of it. --Sir Walter Scott (1771—1832) Scottish novelist and poet. Quoted in John Gibson Lockhart _Memoirs of the Life of Sir Walter Scott_ , p. 593 [1901]. - A light heart lives long. --William Shakespeare (1564—1616) English dramatist. _Love's Labour's Lost_, V, ii [1598] 'Tis ever common That men are merriest when they are from home. --William Shakespeare (1564—1616) English dramatist. _King Henry V_, I, ii [1598—1599] - [H]appiness itself may become habitual. There is a habit of looking at the bright side of things, also of looking at the dark side. Dr. Johnson has said that the habit of looking at the best side of a thing is worth more to a man than a thousand pounds a year. ... And to bring up men or women with a genial nature of this sort, a good temper, and a happy frame of mind, is perhaps of even more importance, in many cases, than to perfect them in much knowledge and many accomplishments. --Samuel Smiles (1812—1904) Scottish author. _Self-Help_ [1859] How easy it is to be amiable in the midst of happiness and success! --Madame Swetchine [Sophie Soymanof] (1782—1857) Russian-born French writer and salon hostess. Quoted in (Count de Falloux (ed.), Harriet W. Preston (trans.) _Life and Letters of Madam Swetchine_, p. 112 [8th ed., 1875]. Good humor may be said to be one of the very best articles of dress one can wear in society. --William Makepeace Thackeray (1811—1863) English novelist. _Sketches and Travels in London_ [1856] "On Tailoring—and Toilets in General" A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition. --William Arthur Ward (1921—1994) American college administrator and author. Quoted in Norman Vincent Peale _Treasury of Joy and Enthusiasm_ [1981] While there is a chance of the world getting through its troubles I hold that a reasonable man has to behave as though he was sure of it. If at the end your cheerfulness is not justified, at any rate you will have been cheerful. --H.G. Wells (1866—1946) English novelist. _Apropos of Dolores_ [1938] There are two ways of spreading light: to be The candle or the mirror that reflects it. --Edith Wharton [nèe Jones] (1862—1937) American novelist. "Vesalius in Zante (1564)", st. 12 [1902] ----- alacrity [uh-LACK-ruh-tee], noun: A cheerful or eager readiness or willingness, often manifested by brisk, lively action or promptness in response. coruscate [KOR-uh-skayt], intransitive verb: 1. To give off or reflect bright beams or flashes of light; to sparkle. 2. To exhibit brilliant, sparkling technique or style. refulgent ih-FUL-juhnt, adjective: Shining brightly; radiant; brilliant; resplendent. winsome [WIN-suhm], adjective: 1. Cheerful; merry; gay; light-hearted. 2. Causing joy or pleasure; agreeable; pleasant. Ex.: The first time I met Diana, she was a winsome little girl full of energy and mischief. --Annabel Goldsmith, "I will miss her smile," _Daily Telegraph_ [3 September 1997] end page | CALAMITIES - CALM | CALUMNY - CANADA | CANCER - CAPITAL PUNISHMENT | CAPITALISM | CAREFREE - CARPE DIEM | CARTER (JIMMY) - CATS & DOGS | CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES - CENSORSHIP | CERTAINTY - CHANGE | CHANGING (ONE'S MIND) & CHANGING TIMES | CHARACTER | CHARACTER ASSASINATION - CHEERFULNESS | CHEER UP! - CHILDHOOD | CHILDREN | CHILDREN'S RHYME | CHINA | CHOCOLATE - CHRISTIANITY | CHRISTMAS | CHURCH - CIGARS | CIRCUMSTANCES & CITIES | CIVILITY - CIVIL RIGHTS | CLARITY - CLEVER | CLOTHES - COFFEE | COLD - COLORS | COMEDY | COMFORT - COMMON SENSE | COMMUNICATION | COMMUNISM | COMPANIONSHIP - COMPASSION | COMPETITION - COMPLIMENTS | COMPOSERS - CONDUCTORS | CONFESSION - CONQUEST | CONSCIENCE - CONTENTED | CONTEXT - CONVERSATION | CONVICTION & COOKING | COOLIDGE - CORPORATIONS | CORRUPTION - COURAGE | COURT - COWS | CREATIVITY - CRIME | CRIME & PUNISHMENT - CROOKS | CRITICISM & CRITICS | CROWD (THE) - CUBA | CULTURE - CYNICS | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The Reviews | |
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