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;void(0)) . . . see: "PEOPLE" for related links see: "POLITICS" for related links ^ A Northern Virginia housewife was hosting a reception in late summer of 1975 to raise money for a local congressional candidate, Joe Fisher. A few minutes before the scheduled starting time, a pleasant-looking stranger rang her doorbell. "Good afternoon," he said. "My name's Jimmy Carter. I heard you're having a political event here today, and wondered what I could do to help." The accent was Deep South too rich for Arlington, Va., the party-giver knew. Still, the fellow seemed so ingratiating. If she felt flustered, it was only for a moment. "Well, since you ask, I'm afraid we are a little short of ice for the number of guests we're expecting. Do you suppose ... ?" "Don't give it another thought," Jimmy Carter said, and he was off to return with four bags of ice cubes and a chance to present himself to the afternoon's guests as a yet unknown candidate for president. --Lionel Van Deerlin "Presidential Speculation is Probably Pointless" Copley News Service [8 December 2006] ^ [Of Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, and Richard Nixon at a reunion of former presidents:] There they were, See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Evil. --Bob Dole (b. 1923) Republican senator and majority leader and unsuccesful candidate in the 1996 presidential election. Speech at Gridiron Club dinner, Washington D.C. [26 March 1983]. If the Secret Service considered Richard Nixon the strangest modern president, Jimmy Carter was known as the least likeable. If the true measure of a man is how he treats the little people, Carter flunked the test. Inside the White House, Carter treated with contempt the little people who helped and protected him. --Ronald Kessler (b. 1947) American journalist and author. _In the President's Secret Service_, p. 70 [2009] He's a great ex-president. It's a shame he couldn't have gone directly to the ex-presidency. --Thomas Mann _Newsweek_ [27 June 1994] [On the foreign policy of Jimmy Carter in 1980:] Like the sorry tapping of Neville Chamberlain's umbrella on the cobblestones of Munich. --Ronald Reagan (19112004) American President [19811989] and former Hollywood actor. It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president. --Press account of rabbit attack on Jimmy Carter [20 April 1979]  ;void(0)) . . see: "HUMOR" for related links What's up, Doc? --Tex Avery (19071980) American cartoon animator. "A Wild Hare" [1940 cartoon] What a revoltin' development this is! --Daffy Duck "Mexican Joyride" [1947 animated feature] I'm Popeye the sailor man I'm Popeye the sailor man I'm strong to the finach "Cause I eats me spinach I'm Popeye the sailor man. I'm one tough Gazookus Which hates all Palookas Wot ain't on the up and square I biffs 'em and buffs 'em An' always out-roughs 'em An' none of 'em gits no-where. If anyone dasses to risk My Fisk it's Boff an' It's Wham un'erstan? So keep Good Behavor That's your one lifesaver With Popeye the Sailor Man. --Sammy Lerner (19031989) Romanian-born American songwriter. "I'm Popeye The Sailor Man" [1933] [Popeye speaking:] I yam what I yam, an' that's all I yam! --Elzie Crisler Segar (18941938) American cartoonist and creator of _Popeye_. "Thimble Theatre" (comic strip) [21 June 1931] Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings at a single bound look, up there in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman! --Jerry Siegel (19141996) and Joe Shuster (19141992) _Superman_ (comic strip), [June 1938] - Oh, when I was a kid, the joy of going to the movies and seeing Looney Tunes. Each cartoon ended with "That's All, Folks!" and when it came on the screen you would sit there in suspense... Would the screen (oh, joy!) suddenly come alive again with the opening strains of "The Merry-Go-Round Went 'Round" and another cartoon, or (sadness) would it just be a newsreel or something... I'm not 100% OK with the violence in Looney Tunes, but it was nowhere near as bad as, say, "Tom and Jerry" (only slightly exaggerated in The Simpsons' "Itchy and Scratchy" parody). Remember the one where Bugs and... who, Elmer? fall out of an airplane or something and are plummeting earthward, feet first, yelling "Help, Help" and looking quite scared. As they approach to within a few feet of the ground, they make a little movement with their feet like putting on the brakes, and slow down, come to a soft landing and say "Fooled ya, didn't we?" --Daniel P. B. Smith, alt.quotations - If Walt Disney was the first animator who taught me how to fly in my dreams, Chuck Jones was the first animator who made me laugh at them. --Steven Spielberg (b. 1946) American film director and producer. Foreward to Chuck Jones _Chuck Amuck: The Life and Times of an Animated Cartoonist_ [1994]. [Catchphrase of Sylvester the Cat:] Thufferin' Thuccotash! --Warner Brothers cartoons (voice of Mel Blanc). First words in Sylvester's 1945 debut in the cartoon "Life With Feathers". - TRIVIA: Before she met Popeye, Olive Oyl went out with Ham Gravy. - Exit, stage left! --Snagglepuss Heavens to Murgatroyd! --Snagglepuss Cowabunga dude! --Bart Simpson Of course you realize, this means war. --Bugs Bunny "Porky's Hare Hunt" [1938] He don't know me very well, do he? --Bugs Bunny "Hare Tonic" [1945] You're deth-picable. --Daffy Duck "Duck Rabbit Duck" [1953] - There used to be a listing in the Portland phone book for Elmer Fudd. If you called it, no matter the time of day, the person answered, "Is that you, you waskally wabbit?" --Saint Sιimν mac Liam AFPF, Usenet newsgroup [2011] - 28: Percentage of adults who, if they could have a single superpower, say they would most like to be able to read minds, according to a survey for Activision 15: Percentage who say they would like to be able to fly 11: Percentage who say they would like to be able to be invisible 9: Percentage who say they would like to be able to have super strength --blurb in _Las Vegas Business Press_ [28 August 2006] - ;void(0)) CASTRO (FIDEL) . . see: "COMMUNISM" see: "CUBA" see: "EVIL" for related links see: "PEOPLE" for related links A CIA inspector general's report of August 25, 1967 recounted dozens of other bungled attempts to assassinate Castro or embarrass him with his people. Under one such plan, the CIA would . . . . introduce thallium salts into Castro's shoes so his beard would fall out. This, according to CIA plotters, would destroy his public image. --Ronald Kessler (b. 1947) American journalist and author. _The CIA at War_, ch. 8 [2003] ;void(0)) CATS . . see: "ANIMALS" for related links Catbert is a typical cat, in the sense that he looks cute but he doesn't care if you live or die. Recently he became the Human Resources Director at Dilbert's company where he teases employees before downsizing them. You'll see more of him as I shamelessly capitalize on the fact that many people like cats. --Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist and author. "Dilbert" comic strip I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by his tail outside of a window, and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws. --Charles Baudelaire (18211867) French poet and critic. As told to Jules Claretie, in _The Poems and Prose Poems of Charles Baudelaire_ [1919]. CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. --Ambrose Bierce (18421914) American newspaperman, wit, and satirist. _The Cynic's Word Book_ [1906] (Retitled in 1911 as _The Devil's Dictionary_.) ^ Calvin Coolidge (18721933), 30th President of the United States [19231929]. An overnight guest at the White House was mystified when he saw the President at breakfast pouring some milk from his cup into a saucer. Fearful of committing some breach of etiquette, the guest imitated him. Coolidge said nothing but smiled slightly. Bending down, he placed the saucer on the floor for the cat, which had been waiting quietly under the table. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and Andrι Bernard [2000 ed.] - - "Bustopher Jones: the Cat About Town" by T.S. Eliot (18881965) Bustopher Jones is *not* skin and bones In fact, he's remarkably fat. He doesn't haunt pubs he has eight or nine clubs, For he's the St. James's Street Cat! He's the Cat we all greet as he walks down the street In his coat of fastidious black: No commonplace mousers have such well-cut trousers Or such an impeccable back. In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is The name of this Brummell of Cats; And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to By Bustopher Jones in white spats! "Skimbleshanks: the Railway Cat" by T.S. Eliot (18881965) There's a whisper down the line at 11.39 When the Night Mail's ready to depart, Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble has he gone to hunt the thimble? We must find him or the train can't start.' All the guards and all the porters and the stationmaster's daughters They are searching high and low, Saying 'Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble Then the Night Mail just can't go.' At 11.42 then the signal's overdue And the passengers are frantic to a man Then Skimble will appear and he'll saunter to the rear: He's been busy in the luggage van! He gives one flash of his glass-green eyes And the signal goes 'All Clear!' And we're off at last for the northern part Of the Northern Hemisphere! [ . . . ] Oh, it's very pleasant when you have found your little den With your name written up on the door. And the berth is very neat with a newly folded sheet And there's not a speck of dust upon the floor. There is every sort of light you can make it dark or bright; There's a button that you turn to make a breeze. There's a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in And a crank to shut the window if you sneeze. Then the guard looks in politely and will ask you very brightly 'Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?' But Skimble's just behind him and was ready to remind him, For Skimble won't let anything go wrong. And when you creep into your cosy berth And pull up the counterpane, You are bound to admit that it's very nice To know that you won't be bothered by mice You can leave all that to the Railway Cat, The Cat of the Railway Train! In the middle of the night he is always fresh and bright; Every now and then he has a cup of tea With perhaps a drop of Scotch while he's keeping on the watch Only stopping here and there to catch a flea. You were fast asleep at Crewe and so you never knew That he was walking up and down the station; You were sleeping all the while he was busy at Carlisle, Where he greets the station master with elation. But you saw him at Dumfries, where he summons the police If there's anything they ought to know about: When you get to Gallowgate there you do not have to wait Skimbleshanks will help you to get out! He gives you a wave of his long brown tail Which says: 'I'll see you again! You'll meet without fail on the Midnight Mail The Cat of the Railway Train.' Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity, There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity. He always has an alibi, and one or two to spare; At whatever time the deed took place MACAVITY WASN'T THERE! --T.S. Eliot (18881965) Anglo-American poet, critic, and dramatist. _Macavity: the Mystery Cat_ [1939] - Women and cats do what they do; there is nothing a man can do about it. --Robert Heinlein (19071988) American science-fiction writer. _The Cat Who Walks Through Walls_, ch. 29 [1985] Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. --attributed to Garrison Keillor (b. 1942) American writer and radio host The trouble with a kitten is THAT Eventually it becomes a CAT. --Ogden Nash (19021971) American writer of humorous poetry. "The Kitten" [1940] It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance) that it is often hard to tell the people and the cats apart. --P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American political satirist. _Modern Manners_, ch. 23 [1983] Everyone worked according to his capacity . . . . Nobody shirked or almost nobody. . . . the behavior of the cat was somewhat peculiar. It was soon noticed that when there was work to be done the cat could never be found. She would vanish for hours on end, and then reappear at meal-times, or in the evening after work was over, as though nothing had happened. But she always made such excellent excuses, and purred so affectionately, that it was impossible not to believe her good intentions. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. _Animal Farm_, ch. 3 [1945] There are too many poems About cats. --Kenneth Rexroth (19051982) American poet. "A Bestiary" [1956] Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. --attributed to Will Rogers [William Penn Adair Rogers] (18791935) American humorist and actor. Cats are a waste of fur. --attributed to Rita Rudner (b. 1955) American stand-up comedian. Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission to the impending visitation, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance. --Saki [Hector Hugh Munro] (18701916) Scottish writer. _The Achievement of the Cat_ [1924] There are two means of refuge from the misery of life: music and cats. --attributed to Albert Schweitzer (18751965) Franco-German theologian, philosopher, and mission doctor. - I am pent up in frowzy lodgings, where there is not enough room to swing a cat. --Tobias George Smollett (17211771) English satirical novelist. _Humphry Clinker_, vol. I [1771] & see: Mrs. Crupp had indignantly assured him that there wasn't room to swing a cat there; but as Mr. Dick justly observed to me, sitting down on the foot of the bed, nursing his leg, 'You know, Trotwood, I don't want to swing a cat. I never do swing a cat. Therefore what does that signify to me?' --Charles Dickens (18121870) English novelist, _David Copperfield_, v. II, ch. VI [1850] - In Sycamore Square At the crack of dawn The white cats play On the grey-green lawn; One is the owner Of Number Three And the other pretends To belong to me. --Jan Struther [pseu. of Joyce Maxtone Graham] (19011953) English poet. "The Cats" in _Sycamore Square and Other Verses_ [1932] - One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. --Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (18351910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. _Pudd'nhead Wilson_ [1894], ch. 7 epigraph: "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more. --Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (18351910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. _Following the Equator_, ch. 11 [1897] A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razor- strap. A thin book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat. --attributed to Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (18351910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. --attributed to Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (18351910) American humorist, novelist, journalist, and river pilot. - I love cats, but I can never eat a whole one. --attributed to John Wamsley (b. 1938) [The Aust. Prime Minister's Environmentalist of the Year 2003.] The Hoover, in grim silence, sat, But sucking no more at the mat; Quietly it grunted As slowly it shunted, And messily disgorged the cat. --David Woolsford - Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms. "Hey, lady," yells Larry, "throw me the cat." "No," she cries, "It's too far." "I play football, I can catch him." The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to Larry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street. Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers. Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement. - A blonde was weed-wacking her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to Wal-Mart. Why Wal-Mart? Because Wal-Mart is the largest re-tailer in the world! --- I hate cats! I could be the President of the National Cat-Haters Club if there was one... (is there one?) I honestly don't understand what people see in cats. Contrary to popular belief, they aren't that clean. If you think having a bucket of litter and shit stinking up your house is "clean," I have serious doubts about your sanity. They're stuck up and selfish and apathetic. And they've got that "you're the stupidest person in the world" expression on all the time. Cuddly my ass! They only deign to rub against your ankles when they want food. They aren't that excited when you come home, either. Sure they're soft. You can sink your hands right into their tummies and it's like wearing a glove. And that purring thing has to be the coolest thing on earth. And yes, they're beautiful. Looking into their eyes is like looking into emerald truth, the way they draw you in and mesmerize, hypnotize, and seduce. And yes they're warm. The heat of a cat's essence warms like nothing else can, calms and soothes on frigid days, baking your skin in a warm cookie-dough comfort.... and yes, their intelligence is keen and sharp, and yes, I'll give you this, they are graceful, elegant, even goddess-like... to be worshipped and spoiled, to be loved and appreciated, to... oh God, help me... --posted on a now obsolete website -- TRIVIA Cats average 16 hours of sleep a day, more than any other mammal. ----- ailurophile (noun) [I-'lu-rκ-fIl] A cat fancier; a lover of cats.  CATS & DOGS . . see: "ANIMALS" for related links I never married, because there is no need of it. I have three pets at home which together answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls all the morning, a parrot which swears all the afternoon, and a cat which comes home late at night. --Marie Corelli (18551924) British author. Attributed in "The Rotarian" [February 1940]. I would give nothing for that man's religion, whose very dog and cat are not the better for it. --Rowland Hill (17441833) English preacher. Attributed in Rev. George Seaton Bowes _Illustrative Gatherings, or, Preachers and Teachers_ [1860]. Let Hercules himself do what he may, The cat will mew and the dog will have his day. --William Shakespeare (15641616) English dramatist. _Hamlet_, V, i [16001601] I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance a sharp, vindictive glance. --James Thurber (18941961) American humorist and cartoonist. _Vintage Thurber. A collection in Two Volumes, of the Best Writings and Drawings of James Thurber_ [pub. Hamish Hamilton, 1963] - According to a December 2007 poll at Harris Interactive, 69 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in the bed with them. 37 percent buy their pets a birthday present and 69 percent buy them a holiday present. end page | CALAMITIES - CALM | CALUMNY - CANADA | CANCER - CAPITAL PUNISHMENT | CAPITALISM | CAREFREE - CARPE DIEM | CARTER (JIMMY) - CATS & DOGS | CAUSES AND CONSEQUENCES - CENSORSHIP | CERTAINTY - CHANGE | CHANGING (ONE'S MIND) & CHANGING TIMES | CHARACTER | CHARACTER ASSASINATION - CHEERFULNESS | CHEER UP! - CHILDHOOD | CHILDREN | CHILDREN'S RHYME | CHINA | CHOCOLATE - CHRISTIANITY | CHRISTMAS | CHURCH - CIGARS | CIRCUMSTANCES & CITIES | CIVILITY - CIVIL RIGHTS | CLARITY - CLEVER | CLOTHES - COFFEE | COLD - COLORS | COMEDY | COMFORT - COMMON SENSE | COMMUNICATION | COMMUNISM | COMPANIONSHIP - COMPASSION | COMPETITION - COMPLIMENTS | COMPOSERS - CONDUCTORS | CONFESSION - CONQUEST | CONSCIENCE - CONTENTED | CONTEXT - CONVERSATION | CONVICTION & COOKING | COOLIDGE - CORPORATIONS | CORRUPTION - COURAGE | COURT - COWS | CREATIVITY - CRIME | CRIME & PUNISHMENT - CROOKS | CRITICISM & CRITICS | CROWD (THE) - CUBA | CULTURE - CYNICS | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The Reviews | |
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