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 . . . BLONDES see: "THE BODY" (below) I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. --W. C. Fields [William Claude Dukenfield] (1880—1946) American vaudeville star and film actor. "Never Give A Sucker An Even Break" [1941], screenplay by Prescott Chaplin and John T. Neville, from a story by W. C. Fields. - If I were a woman I should want to be a blonde, with golden, silky hair, pink cheeks and sky-blue eyes. It would not bother me to think that this color scheme was mistaken by the world for a flaunting badge of stupidity; I would have a better arm in my arsenal than mere intelligence; I would get a husband by easy surrender while the brunettes attempted it vainly by frontal assault. Men are not easily taken by frontal assault; it is only stratagem that can quickly knock them down. To be a blonde, pink, soft and delicate, is to be a stratagem. It is to be a ruse, a feint, an ambush. It is to fight under the Red Cross flag. A man sees nothing alert and designing in those pale, crystalline eyes; he sees only something helpless, childish, weak; something that calls to his compassion; somthing that appeals powerfully to his conceit in his own strength. And so he is taken before he knows that there is a war. He lifts his porticullis in Christian charity--and the enemy is in his citadel. The brunette can make no such stealthy and sure attack. No matter how subtle her art, she can never hope to quite conceal her intent. Her eyes give her away. They flash and glitter. They have depths. They draw the male gaze into mysterious and sinister recesses. And so the male behind the gaze flies to arms. He may be taken in the end--indeed, he usually is--but he is not taken by surprise; he is not taken without a fight. A brunette has to battle for every inch of her advance. She is confronted by an endless succession of Dead Man's Hills, each equipped with telescopes, semaphores, alarm gongs, wireless. The male sees her clearly through her densest smoke- clouds...But the blonde captures him under a flag of truce. He regards her tenderly, kindly, almost pityingly, until the moment the gyves are upon his wrists. --H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880—1956) American journalist and literary critic. "A Footnote on the Duel of Sex", _Damn! A Book of Calumny_ [1918] - I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde. --Dolly Parton (1946— ) American country music singer. What good are vitamins? Eat four lobsters, eat a pound of caviar--live! If you are in love with a beautiful blonde with an empty face and no brain at all, don't be afraid, marry her--live! --Artur Rubinstein (1887—1982) Polish pianist. --- A man is walking late at night and comes across a blonde who is standing under a street light, looking intently down at the street. He says to the blonde: "What are you looking for?" "My keys," says the blonde. "Where did you lose them?" "Over there" "Why are you looking here?" "The light is better." - A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a beer. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things': 1. 'The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.' 2. 'The bouncer is a blonde girl.' 3. 'I'm a 6 foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.' 4. 'The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.' 5. 'The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.' 'Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?' The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters... 'No... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.' - A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nodded, "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day." "From hunger, you mean?", asked the doctor." "No, from skipping." - A blonde and a lawyer sat next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asked her to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; and every time the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde paid the lawyer five dollars. The blonde then asked him, "What goes up a hill with four legs and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thought about it, but finally gave up and paid the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer five dollars. - A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. So she eases the car over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk, takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Helllllooooo," she replied, "those are my emergency flashers!"  . . see: "ANCESTORS" see: "FAMILY" see "THE BODY" for other related links Blood follows blood. --Daniel Defoe (1660-1731) English novelist and journalist I think it's liquid aggravation that circulates through his veins, and not regular blood. --Charles Dickens (1812-1870) English novelist Blood alone moves the wheels of history. --Benito Mussolini (1883-1945) Italian Fascist dictator Blude's thicker than water. --Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832) Scottish novelist and poet, _Guy Mannering_ [1815] ch. 38 ----- ignoble ig-NOH-bul, adjective: 1. Of low birth or family; not noble; not illustrious; plebeian; common; humble. 2. Not noble in quality, character, or purpose; characterized by baseness, lowness, or meanness. . . see also: 'EMBARRASMENT" see also: "INNOCENCE" see also: "MODESTY" see also: "SHAME" The blush is beautiful, but it is sometimes convenient. --Carlo Goldoni (1707-1793) Italian dramatist, _La Pamela_ [1750] One day, a daughter of Aristotle, Pythias by name, was asked what color pleased her most. She replied, 'The color with which modesty suffuses the face of simple, inoffensive men.' --Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French philosopher The modest fan was lifted up no more, and virgins smiled at what they blushed before. --Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English poet As blushing will sometimes make a whore pass for a virtuous woman, so modesty may make a fool seem a man of sense. --Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) Anglo-Irish poet and satirist The bold defiance of a woman is the certain sign of her shame, when she has once ceased to blush, it is because she has too much to blush for. --Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord (1754-1838) French statesman He blushes: all is safe. --Terence [Publius Terentius Afer] (c. 190-159 BC), Roman comic dramatist _Adelphi_ IV, 5, 9 The man that blushes is not quite a brute. --Edward Young (1683-1765) English poet, "Night Thoughts" [1742-1745] VII, l. 496 ;void(0)) BOATING . . see also: "OCEAN" see also: "THE SEA" see also: "SHIPS" see "ENTERTAINMENT, HOBBIES, & LEISURE ACTIVITIES" for other related links I dare not publicly name the rare joys, the infinite delights, that intoxicate me on some sweet June morning when the river and bay are smooth as a sheet of beryl-green silk, and I run along ripping it up with my knife-edged shell of a boat, the rent closing after me, like those wounds of angels which Milton tells of, but the seam still shining for many a long rood behind me...To take shelter from the sunbeams under one of the thousand- footed bridges, and look down its interminable colonnades, crusted with green and oozy growths, studded with minute barnacles, and belted with rings of dark muscles, while overhead streams and thunders that other river whose every wave is a human soul flowing to eternity as the river below flows to the ocean, lying there, moored unseen, in loneliness so profound that the columns of Tadmor in the desert could not seem more remote from life,--the cool breeze on one's forehead,--...why should I tell of these things. --Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809-1894) American physician, poet, and essayist, _The Autocrat of the Breakfast-Table_ [1858]; boating on the Charles River ----- halyard (noun) a rope used for raising and lowering a sail, flag, or the like. keel (noun) A structural part extending lengthwise down the bottom center of the hull of a boat or ship, important for stability in water. Phrase: on an even keel. pinnace (noun) A light boat propelled by sails or oars, formerly used as a tender for merchant and war vessels. Synonyms: ship's boat, cutter, tender regatta (noun) A sports event consisting of a series of boat or yacht races . . [QUOTES FOLLOW LINKS] see: APPEARANCE ATTIRE BALD BEARDS BEAUTY BLONDES (above) BLOOD BREASTS CELIBACY CHILDBIRTH CLOTHES COSMETICS DIET DRESS EARS EXERCISE, EYES FACE FASHION, FAT GLASSES GLUTTONY GROOMING HAIR HATS, HEARING, HEARTS HEALTH ITCHING MIRRORS NEATNESS NOISE NOSE NUDITY OBESITY PERFUME PULCHRITUDE RED HEADS SENSES (THE) SEEING SEX SHOES, SHORT PEOPLE SLEEP, SMELL SOUNDS SPIRIT STYLE TATTOOS TIRED UGLY VANITY VIRGINS -- Entrails don't care for travel, Entrails don't care for stress, Entrails are better kept folded inside you For outside, they make a mess. --Connie Bensley (1929- ) "Entrails" [1987] - Kangal, Turkey--Tucked between brown hills in central Turkey is a natural hot spring where, for a fee, you can become fish food. Dip in a hand or foot, and within seconds small fish will swarm, bump and nibble it. Stand above the pools, and the fish will gather below, waiting. The scaly swimmers--the "Doctor Fish of Kangal"-- supposedly have curative powers. But in this unusual case of adaptive ecology, the human visitors may be helping the fish more than themselves. These fish have acquired a taste for humans largely because they have little choice. The spring is too hot to sustain enough algae and plankton to feed them all. In the past, the fish were able to move between the spring and a creek that runs nearby. But after learning of a story about a local shepherd whose wounded leg healed after being dipped into the spring in 1917, builders walled off the spring from the creek in the 1950s to preserve a captive school. A Turkish family has now constructed a hotel, villas and a playground and markets the resort to psoriasis patients. Some 3,000 people every year pay for the privilege of sitting in the spring and allowing these omnivores to eat their dead skin, a process that may stimulate new skin growth or relax patients and thereby ease stress-triggered psoriasis. --Matt Mossman _Scientific American Magazine_ [June 2007], "Fish That Go Skin-Deep" - ^^ John Pierpont Morgan, Sr. (1837-1913) American banker, financier, and benefactor of the arts. Morgan's nose was disfigured by a skin disease that made it swollen and fiery. People, while pretending politely not to notice anything extraordinary, were nonetheless mesmerized by it. There is the story of the nervous hostess at the tea table , who inquired, "Do you take nose in your tea, Mr. Morgan?" ^^ The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement. . .Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything. --Neil Simon (1927- ) American playwright. _The Gingerbread Lady_ [1970] This Englishwoman is so refined She has no bosom and no behind. --Stevie [Florence Margaret] Smith (1902-1971) English poet and novelist. ----- adipose (noun) Fat under the skin and surrounding major organs, providing stored energy, insulation, and protection. diaphanous (adj.) [dI-'æ-fê-nês] Thin and fragile, translucent, filmy or flimsy. ectomorph (noun) A person with a lean body build. ectomorphic adj. embonpoint ahn-bohn-PWAN, noun: Plumpness of person; stoutness. gaunt (adj.) Thin and bony; angular. Synonyms: cadaverous, haggard, pinched, skeletal, wasted homunculus (noun) [hê-'mên-kyê-lês ] A very small man. lithe (adj.) Flexible and supple: able to move or bend the body lightly and gracefully tittle (noun) ['tit-êl] 1. A small jot, the dot of an [i], cross on a [t], the beard on [ç], or a diacritic such as the tilde on [ñ]; 2. Minute, incredibly tiny, smaller even than an iota-indeed, an iota (Greek short [i]) is capped by a tittle. Usage 1: This noun is unrelated to the verb "to tittle," which was clipped from the rhyme compound "tittle-tattle." It should not be confused with a titter, either, for that is a suppressed giggle. Think of a tittle as the smallest thing or amount visible without a microscope. . . see: "ARROGANCE" see: "BRAVERY" see: "CONFIDENCE" see: "COURAGE" see: "HEROES" see: "HUBRIS" see: "NERVE (THE)" ^ Bacall, Lauren (1924-), US movie actress who married Humphrey Bogart. Lauren Bacall attended a New Year's Eve at which the Shah of Iran was one of the distinguished guests. He complimented her on her dancing: "You dance beautifully, Miss Bacall." "You bet your ass, Shah," she replied. --_Bartlett's Book of Anecdotes_ edited by Clifton Fadiman and André Bernard [2000 ed.] ^ Nought venture, nought have. --John Heywood (1497-1580) English playwright, _A Dialogue Containing the Number of Effectual Proverbs in the English Tongue, 1.11 [1562] ----- effrontery ih-FRUN-tuh-ree, noun: Insulting presumptuousness; shameless boldness; insolence. gumption (noun) ['gêmp-shên] Colloquial. 1. Spunk, boldness, chutzpah, moxie; 2. Common sense, horse sense. Chutzpah is part of the Yiddish dialect of English and moxie is used elsewhere in the Northeast; gumption is the word for these terms in the South. ;void(0)) BOOK BURNING . . see "KNOWLEDGE" for related links Détruire une bibliothèque, c'est tenter de réduire l'histoire au silence. To destroy a library is to try to convert history into silence. --Serge Bouchard (1947- ) Anthropologist and essayist, "Les bibliothécaires" You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them. --Ray Bradbury (1920- ) American science fiction author There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them. --Joseph Brodsky [Iosif Aleksandrovich Brodsky] (1940-1996) Russian-born American poet and winner of the 1987 Nobel Prize for Literature, in Tunku Vararadajan "Hardback Mountain: The Kiss-Off" _Wall Street Journal_ [16 February 2007] Don't join the book burners. Do not think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed. --Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890-1969), American Army General, supreme Allied commander WWII, NATO commander, US President [1953-1961] What progress we are making. In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books. --Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) Austrian psychiatrist [May 1933] (after the Berlin book burning of 10 May) Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. --Heinrich Heine (1797-1856) German poet, _Almansor, A Tragedy_ [1823] Books cannot be killed by fire. People die, but books never die. No man and no force can abolish memory. . . . In this war, we know, books are weapons. And it is part of your dedication always to make them weapons for man's freedom. --Franklin D. Roosevelt (1882-1945) American Democratic statesman and President [1933-1945], _Message to American Booksellers Association_ [6 May 1942] end page | BABIES - BARTENDERS | BASEBALL | BASTARDS - BEATLES (THE) | BEAUTY | BED - BEGINNINGS | BEHAVIOR - BELIEF | BENNY (JACK) - BIBLE | BICYCLES - BIRDS | BIRTH - BLAIR (TONY) | BLAME - BLOGGING | BLONDES - BOOK BURNING | BOOKS | BOOMERS (THE) - BOXING | BOYS - BREAKING UP | BREASTS - BRITAIN | BROADWAY - BUBBLES (ECONOMIC) | BUGS BUNNY - BUREAUCRACY | BURMA SHAVE - BUSYBODIES | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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