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. . . ANIMALS [QUOTES FOLLOW LINKS] see: ANIMAL RIGHTS (below) BEARS BIRDS CATS, CATS & DOGS COWS DOGS ELEPHANTS FISH HIPPOS HORSE RACING, HORSES HUNTING NATURE PENGUINS, P.E.T.A. PIGS RABBITS RATS SHEEP TURKEY, TURTLES WHALES ZOOS ^^ Two buffaloes were grazing contentedly on the open prairie when a cowboy rode up. Looking the animals over, he shook his head and said, "You two are the ugliest buffaloes I ever saw. Look at you -- your fur is tangled, you have humps on your backs and you slobber all over the place." As the cowboy rode off, the first buffalo remarked to the second, "I think I just heard a discouraging word." ^^ Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing "Embraceable You" in spats. --Woody Allen [Allen Stewart Konigsberg] (1935 ) American actor, screenwriter, and director. - Donald Mottram, a farmer in Dyfed, Wales, lay unconscious for 90 minutes in a field after he had been gored and trampled by an angry bull. But his herd of cows - marshalled by his favourite cow, a 14-year-old called Daisy came to the rescue. They encircled him to keep the bull away, and he was eventually able to crawl the 200 yards to a gate, while the cows shielded him. 'They knew of the danger and decided to protect me,' he explained. --Robert Backhouse [1997] - Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953): These are from _The Bad Child's Book of Beasts_ and _More Beasts For Worse Children_ by Hillaire Belloc The Yak As a friend to the children, commend me the Yak. You will find it exactly the thing: It will carry and fetch, you can ride on its back, Or lead it about with a string. The Tartar who dwells on the plains of Thibet (A desolate region of snow) Has for centuries made it a nursery pet, And surely the Tartar should know! Then tell your papa where the Yak can be got, And if he is awfully rich He will buy you the creature--or else he will not. (I cannot be positive which.) The Polar Bear The Polar Bear is unaware Of cold that cuts me through: For why? He has a coat of hair. I wish I had one too! The Lion The Lion, the Lion, he dwells in the waste, He has a big head and very small waist; But his shoulders are stark, and his jaws they are grim, And a good little child will not play with him. The Hippopotamus I shoot the Hippopotamus With bullets made of platinum, Because if I use leaden ones His hide is sure to flatten 'em. The Welsh Mutton The Cambrian Welsh or Mountain Sheep Is of the Ovine race, His conversation is not deep, But then, observe his face! The Scorpion The Scorpion is as black as soot, He dearly loves to bite; He is a most unpleasant brute To find in bed, at night. The Vulture The Vulture eats between his meals, And that's the reason why He very, very rarely feels As well as you and I. His eye is dull, his head is bald, His neck is growing thinner. Oh! what a lesson for us all To only eat at dinner! - To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you. . . They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends for ever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect. --Bill Bryson (1951 ) American writer of humorous travel books. _Neither Here Nor There_ [1991] If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men. --Francis, St, of Assisi (11811226) Italian monk. - I hope to make people realise how totally helpless animals are, how dependent on us, trusting as a child must be that we will be kind and take care of their needs...[They] are an obligation put on us, a responsibility we have no right to neglect, or violate by cruelty. --James Herriot [James Alfred Wight] (19161995) British veterinarian and author. If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. --James Herriot [James Alfred Wight] (19161995) British veterinarian and author. - ..there is nevertheless a certain respect, a general duty to humanity, not only to beasts that have life and sense, but even to trees and plants. We owe justice to men, and graciousness and benignity to other creatures... there is a certain commerce and mutual obligation betwixt them and us. --Michel Eyquem de Montaigne (15331592) French moralist and essayist. _Essais_ (Essays) {94 chapters written 15711580 & published 1580; the last 13 chapters were written 15851587 & published 1588 }. If you don't need them, don't feed them. That goes for cats, rats, mother-in-laws and so forth. --James Murphy, rodent control officer, Washington, D.C., in the "New York Times," [10 August 1985]. - The ostrich roams the great Sahara. Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra. It has such long and lofty legs, I'm glad it sits to lay its eggs. --Ogden Nash (19021971) American writer of humorous poetry. "The Ostrich" God, in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why. --Ogden Nash (19021971) American writer of humorous poetry. "The Fly" [1942] - News item [10 August 2006] Police in Toledo, Ohio, have rescued dozens of Australian wombats from a man who was trying unsuccessfully to train them to fight. 'The (expletive) who sold them to me said they were vicious killers . . . I paid 300 bucks for a pair of eucalyptus-leaf eating retards who just stare at each other with a dull glare,' the man said. ^ Four legs good, two legs bad. --George Orwell [Eric Blair] (19031950) English novelist. Slogan in _Animal Farm_ [1945]. I never go to a menagerie because I cannot endure the sight of the misery of the captive animals. The exhibiting of trained animals I abhor. What an amount of suffering and cruel punishment the poor creatures have to endure in order to give a few moments' pleasure to men devoid of all thought and feeling for them! --Albert Schweitzer (18751965) Franco-German theologian, philosopher, and mission doctor. _Memories of Childhood and Youth_ [1949] - Or if some time when roaming round A noble wild beast greets you, With black stripes on a yellow ground, Just notice if he eats you. This simple rule may help you learn The Bengal Tiger to discern. --Carolyn Wells (18621942) American writer. "How to Tell Wild Animals," _Baubles_ [1917] - I am the voice of the voiceless. Through me the dumb shall speak Til' the deaf world's ear shall be made to hear The wrongs of the wordless weak. The same force formed the sparrow That fashioned man, the king. The God of the whole gave a spark of a soul To furred and feathered thing; And I am my brother's keeper, And I will fight his fight. And speak the word for beast and bird Till the world shall set things right --Ella Wheeler Wilcox (18501919) American author and poet. - For Family Survival, Penguins Play a Game Of 'Name That Tune' By Sharon Begley _The Wall Street Journal_ September 9, 2005 [ . . . ] Penguins may look pretty much alike even to other penguins, but they don't sound alike. To generate their unique calls, scientists have discovered, the birds use two voice boxes. That lets them emit different calls simultaneously, modulating frequency, amplitude and beat, write Thierry Aubin of the Universitι Paris-Sud, Orsay, and Pierre Jouventin of the Center for Functional Ecology and Evolution, Montpellier, France. The interaction of two frequencies generates beats that penetrate solid objects such as, oh, huddled penguin bodies as dense as 10 birds per square meter. In addition, the system creates a huge variety of "vocal signatures." Adults emit highly individual calls of four to eight syllables. A chick, which memorizes dad's call during the five weeks it spends sitting atop his feet, plays a life-or-death game of "name that tune," identifying him as he waddles through the colony like a bowling pin with feet and calls at regular intervals. Playing recorded calls for king penguin chicks, Prof. Aubin and Prof. Jouventin find that even a syllable or two is enough for most hatchlings to recognize mom or dad (though they usually wait for at least four before leaving the crθche, apparently wanting to be sure). From acoustics alone, the chicks should not be able to distinguish their parents' call from more than about 25 feet, beyond which the signal-to-noise ratio drops below 1. Yet, just like humans in the din of a cocktail party, they can pick out their partner's voice across the room (especially if the voice says something like, "Wow, you look terrific; have you been working out?"). Penguins can recognize a mate's or parent's call despite background noise and acoustic jamming by other calls. "Chicks have an exceptional capacity to discriminate the correct call from extraneous calls," conclude the scientists. Adult penguins even factor in wind conditions. In blustery weather, they increase their call's length and number of syllables, so that at 25 mph both are double what they were at 18 mph. This increases the signal-to-noise ratio, leading Prof. Aubin and Prof. Jouventin to conclude, only half in jest, that the birds "apply the mathematical theory of communication" to adjust their calls to prevailing conditions. [ . . . ] -- One for 'The Birds': Wild Turkeys Attack Humans in Suburbia Toms, Seeing People as Low In Pecking Order, Commit Fowl Play With Spurs By William M. Bulkeley _The Wall Street Journal_ November 23, 2005 In April, Will Millington was riding his dirt bike down a narrow trail in Norman, Okla., when he stopped before a flock of wild turkeys. The hens scattered, but two toms flared their feathers and stalked toward him. Then they suddenly leapt in the air, beat Mr. Millington with their wings and tried to scratch him with the sharp spurs on the backs of their legs. Mr. Millington frantically revved his bike's motor. Thirty yards down the trail he looked back. "They were running after me," says the 46-year-old property manager. "That was kind of spooky." [. . . ] Tom turkeys in suburban woods can be 4 feet tall, weigh 25 pounds and run 20 miles per hour for short bursts. Mr. Cardoza advises people to show the birds who's boss. One tip is to carry an umbrella to poke at the turkey. Ms. Huckery tells people to "get your broom and swat the turkey away." Other tips for discouraging turkeys include spraying them with a garden hose, yelling and banging pots and pans, and having a dog in the backyard. Lovett Williams, a Florida biologist, recalls that when he raised wild turkeys, he sometimes had to establish dominance by grabbing an obnoxious bird around the neck and holding it on the ground so it couldn't scratch with its spurs. "I'd slap him like they do on the Three Stooges," he says. "Then they'd wobble around and run off." [. . . ] Last month, jogging on a back road in Massachusetts' Berkshire hills, Betsy Kosheff passed a farmers' field where farm-raised wild turkeys were pecking for grain. Suddenly about 30 of them took off after Ms. Kosheff, who has a public-relations firm in West Stockbridge, Mass. "It was like that scene in 'The Birds' except there was no phone booth," says Ms. Kosheff, referring to the famous refuge in the Alfred Hitchcock movie. A passing friend stopped her pickup truck and Ms. Kosheff ran around it several times. The turkeys kept up the chase, although she says "they were too stupid to split up or change directions" to trap her. Finally, Ms. Kosheff got in the truck, where, she says, her friend "was laughing so hard she almost choked on her Dunkin' Donut." -- A man bought a donkey from a priest. The priest told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way. The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the priest's instructions. Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a Hallelujah" he rode off, very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through the mountains. As he headed towards a cliff, he tried to remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop!," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no..." "Bible...Church!...Please! Stop!!," shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the edge of the cliff. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer ..."Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus' name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!" shouted the man. ----- lycanthropy (noun) [LI-'kζn-thrκ-pi] The supposed power of certain human beings to convert themselves into wolves; the belief in such power; the delusion that one has become a wolf. menagerie [muh-NAJ-uh-ree], noun: 1. A collection of wild or unusual animals, especially for exhibition. 2. An enclosure where wild or unusual animals are kept or exhibited. 3. A diverse or varied group. tether [TETH`ER] To confine, as an animal, with a long rope or chain, as for feeding within certain limits. end page  ;void(0)) ANIMAL RIGHTS . . . ANIMAL RIGHTS see "ANIMALS" (above) for related links The question is not, Can they reason? nor, Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? --Jeremy Bentham (17481832) English philosopher. _Principles of Morals and Legislation_ [1789] I believe that mink are raised for being turned into fur coats and if we didn't wear fur coats those little animals would never have been born. So is it better not to have been born or to have lived for a year or two to have been turned into a fur coat? I don't know. --Barbi Benton (1950 ) Playboy bunny and singer. A robin red breast in a cage Puts all Heaven in a rage. --William Blake (17571827) English poet. "Auguries of Innocence" [c.1803] It is inexcusable for scientists to torture animals, let them make their experiments on journalists and politicians. --Henrik Ibsen (18281906) Norwegian playwright. Mankind's true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply buried from view) consists of its attitudes towards those who are at its mercy: animals. --Milan Kundera (1929 ) Czech writer. _The Unbearable Lightness of Being_ [1984] Death may be inevitable but cruelty is not. If we must eat meat, then we must ensure that the animals we kill for our food live the best possible lives before they die. --Desmond Morris (1928 ) English anthropologist and author. _The Animal Contract_ [1990] ^ [Henry Bergh] was a notable defender of animals, and was the founder, in 1866, of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. This was the first humane society in the United States, antedating a strange commentary the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, founded by another Fifth Avenue resident, Elbridge T. Gerry, in 1874. Bergh was originally outraged by the treatment of horses on New York's streets, especially the overworked beasts that pulled the omnibuses and stages. --Jerry E. Patterson _Fifth Avenue: The Best Address_ [1998] The shriek was followed by another, louder and yet more agonizing..for once started upon that journey, the hog never came back. One by one the men hooked up the hogs and slit their throats. There was a line of hogs with squeals and lifeblood ebbing away.. until at last each vanished into a huge vat of boiling water (some still alive). The hogs were so innocent. They came so very trustingly. They were so very human in their protests. They had done nothing to deserve it. --Upton Sinclair (18781968) American novelist. _The Jungle_ [1906] The English country gentleman galloping after a fox the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. --Oscar Wilde (18541900) Anglo-Irish dramatist and poet. _A Woman of No Importance_ [1893] - People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. --anon. This message brought to you by PETA, People Eating Tasty Animals. Things have come to a hell of a pass When a man can't wallop his own jackass. --anon. c. 1900 TOPICAL Now that the last dog has crossed the finish line, Iditarod organizers are rushing to patch up "The Last Great Race's" tattered reputation. Three dogs died, and a veteran musher, Ramy Brooks, was disqualified from this year's race. Witnesses caught Brooks beating his dogs, one of whom later died. [...] In the Iditarod, dogs race approximately 1,150 miles, roughly the distance from New York City to St. Petersburg, Fla., over a grueling terrain in 8 to 16 days. They often run more than 100 miles a day the equivalent of four marathons back-to-back with few (and brief) intervals of rest. They are subjected to biting winds, blinding snowstorms, sub-zero temperatures and falls through treacherous ice into frigid water. Their feet become bruised, bloodied, cut by ice and just plain worn out because of the vast distances they cover. Many dogs pull muscles, tendons and ligaments, rupture discs, incur stress fractures and become sick with bloody diarrhea, dehydration, intestinal viruses or bleeding stomach ulcers. Dogs have been strangled by tow lines, trampled by moose and hit by snowmobiles and sleds. One dog in this year's race became lost in a snowstorm and was missing for 11 days. At least 133 dogs have died in the Iditarod since records started being kept and that doesn't include dogs who die in training or after the race ends. One dog in this year's race died of "acute pneumonia" and another from internal bleeding from a ruptured ulcer, two common causes of death for Iditarod dogs. [...] The cause of death for the dog belonging to Ramy Brooks has yet to be determined, but it is likely that her death was a direct result af being forced to run too far too fast. Brooks reportedly beat his team after they lay down on an ice field and refused to go any further. Iditarod apologists describe the beatings as "spankings," but this euphemism implies that the dogs had done something to deserve being whacked with a stick (and kicked and punched, as some witnesses allege), when in all likelihood they were simply too exhausted to go any further. [...] --Jennifer O'Connor "Dogs Deaths Stain Reputation of Dog Race" Mcclatchy-Tribune News Service [30 March 2007] ----- abattoir AB-uh-twahr, noun: A slaughterhouse. | ABILITY - ABUSE | ACADEMY AWARDS - ACCUSTOMED | ACHIEVEMENT - ACQUAINTANCE | ACTIONS | ACTORS | ACTUARIES - ADVERSARIES | ADVERSITY - ADVERTISING | ADVICE | AFFAIRS - AFGHANISTAN | AGE | AGNOSTICS - AIRPLANES | ALCOHOL | ALIBI - AMBITION | AMERICA PAGE 1 (A-M) | AMERICA PAGE 2 (N-Z) | AMERICANS | AMERICAN INDIANS | AMERICAN REVOLUTION | AMUSEMENT - ANCESTORS | ANGER | ANIMAL RIGHTS & ANIMALS | ANIMOSITIES - APATHY | APOLOGY & APPEARANCE | APPEASEMENT | APPLAUSE - APRIL | ARCHAEOLOGISTS - ARCHITECTURE | ARGUMENT | ARISTOCRACY - ART | ASHAMED - ASTROLOGY | ATHEISM | ATOM BOMB - ATTRACTION | AUSTRALIA | AUTHORITY - AUTOMOBILES | AUTUMN - AWARENESS | | A | B | C | D | E | F | G | | Return Home | The Credits | The Cast | Act 1 | Act 2 | Act 3 | The End | The Reviews | Photos | |
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